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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 07, 2021 11:34PM

Good day fellow post and exmormons. Coming back to say hello, many thanks, and quite possibly fair well.

I first started posting here fresh from my awakening close to six years ago. That was around the time my mind first began to unwravel the lies I had been living.

I was scared for my sanity. My mother had been diagnosed with schizophrenia earlier in my life and I was worried my mind was headed down the same path. A path where I would slowly become a shell of the person I once was. Why wouldn't I question my sanity? Doubt and sceptism is a moral failing. Mental illness is also a moral failing, or so I was taught.

I was also worried my new found knowledge would destroy my marriage. My most prized treasure, the relationship with my wife, would be irreparablly harmed. For a time it was damaged. I became scaredhusband. It took a few years to build trust. The wonderful people on this board helped me. Lovingly guided me. Helped me grow. I will forever be indebted to your kindness and empathy.

Update time I suppose. Life has been getting progressively better and better. Not only has my wife stayed with me over the years since I left. She has been willing to keep the relationship over church. I have been perfectly content to live the rest of my life this way. All things have come to a head recently, she has had her own realization. Yes! It finally happened. She is distancing herself from TSCC. Even going as far as to say she is done.

After years of playing the long game I can finally live life unteatherhed to an organization I despise. My children will grow up being loving and empathetic humans. It's amazing how much better they are at it than I am already!

With all this I feel like I am finally graduating and can start a new chapter in my life. I'm sending all my love to you kind thoughtful and beautiful people. You gave me hope, you gave me a place to start, after I had nothing and look at me now! It brings a literal tear to my eye.

Best wishes to you all.

Edit: I fat fingered post. I am not longer scaredhusband. I am living.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/07/2021 11:35PM by scaredhusband.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:06AM

Isn't it nice to realize you're not the one who's crazy, they are?! Sounds like your wife came to the same conclusion. I've seen that happen before. Must be a nice feeling to finally be vindicated.

Congrats. Keep calm and carry on. Thanks for checking in.

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 02:47AM

“If I’m the crazy one, why are you wearing the straight jacket?”

That was my big realization too. It wasn’t me, it was them. Victim-blaming nutters.

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:11PM

Brother Of Jerry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Isn't it nice to realize you're not the one who's
> crazy, they are?! Sounds like your wife came to
> the same conclusion. I've seen that happen before.
> Must be a nice feeling to finally be vindicated.


It really feels good. It is so freeing. I feel like my growth is no longer stagnant and dependant on a bunch of clueless old dudes.

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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:17AM

That's great!
My husband waited 10 years for me to catch on.

I'm glad your family is free living your own authentic lives. Thanks for the update.

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 18, 2021 12:25PM

I'm sure he would have waited even longer too. It was worth it because you were worth it to him.

Thank you for the well wishes and right back at you.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:33AM

Hey, you! So awesome that you were able to leave with your family intact.

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 12, 2021 10:42PM

Literally the best case scenario. It seemed like a pipe dream at the beginning. But love, respect and keeping my mouth shut went a long way.

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Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 01:23AM

I am very happy for you and for your wife.

I wish both of you all the best in every way.

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 12, 2021 10:43PM

Thank you, it really is good to see you all doing well and doing your thing.

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 03:06AM

I remember that time. I thought your marriage was roadkill on the highway of life. Congratulations on surviving. It’s totally awesome that your kids are free. Some people here have kids on missions. Having your own kids sucked into that morass must be really hard.

My child has a particular tub toy that’s a strange shade of orange. It could be brown, could be orange. At bath time, he calls it both, which makes me proud. None of this black and white thinking for him. Different ways of looking at things can both be right.

Junior gets all the unconditional love he needs. He never has to prove he’s good enough, never has to feel unworthy.

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:20PM

It's been a good feeling to see us become united on no baptism. Obviously children that age are too young to understand the gravity of what it means and how it will affect their future.

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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:45PM

The children will learn to be good people from what they learn from their parents and the example set.

They will value an open mind and learn to ask questions. They will probably learn to accept there are not McAnswers to everything and not need to make things up to justify what they hear at church.

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 02:11PM

Dagny, you said exactly what I think and you said it so beautifully, as you often do. Thank you.

My own adult children, born and brought up with no religion (in France) are all highly moral people (as I and their mother try to be), but then of course it depends what you put in the word "moral" ;-). My wife was born and brought up without any religion and I drifted from English Anglicanism to atheism in my late teens.

I remember when you first came here, Scaredhusband, and I really felt for you. Although I'm a nevermo, I have seen (particularly on RfM) how horrible it can be for religiously-divided couples. I'm so glad you gave your wife the time and space to come to her own decision. As they say these days, that way she can "own" it ;-).

All the best to you and your family

You'll all be fine :-D

Tom in Paris



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/08/2021 02:12PM by Soft Machine.

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 12, 2021 10:47PM

I think them growing outside of the stuffy box of Mormonism will help a lot. I had some massive growing pains after I started shedding all the negative Mormon thinking patterns.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 10:21AM

That is the most wonderful news! I remember your story well, and a biting screen name to remember. You obviously handled everything well and no doubt led with love.

So so so happy for you.

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 18, 2021 12:20PM

I'm not sure about handling well. I'll settle for saying I handled it well enough.

It really took both me and my wife a lot of patience. It was super helpful to stay mindful that what happened was to both of us and the same event would be viewed differently for each person involved. It took a lot of growth to realize it wasn't all about what was happening to me.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 23, 2021 05:42PM

We'd all be better off to always remember your words right there. Even more than just applying them to the problems of a couple---what you say could be applied to the whole mess of us in the world and perhaps do some good.

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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 05:39PM

This is great news! We always love to hear from alumni, especially when things have turned out so well. It is much better to have the whole family out. Thanks for posting

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 18, 2021 10:03AM

Thanks for creating this safe place to post, much appreciated. It really was monumental in keeping my marriage and my sanity.

Best wishes.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 18, 2021 10:14AM

scaredhusband Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thanks for creating this safe place to post, much
> appreciated.

It has been a huge help to hundreds if not many many more people out there of which I am one.

Congrats on what happened with your wife. I'm so jealous.

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: June 18, 2021 11:05AM

Something something stone cut out of the mountain without hands.

I can understand the jealousy. If anyone deserves an equally yoked partner I would have you on that list.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 18, 2021 06:29PM

Sometimes the one who loves you most just is so different from yourself that you have to parley with the devil for a piece of their soul. The part entangled with your own.

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Posted by: Sillymoful ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 07:06PM

Congratulations! Good luck with you and your family.

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: June 09, 2021 03:12AM

Hey living!

Good to see ya'.

Glad to hear about the others (family) too.

YaaWHO!

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Posted by: Not the girl you used to know ( )
Date: June 18, 2021 05:46PM

Gosh,
When I saw your moniker I was so hoping you might be my son-in-law who is no longer a believer married to my very believing daughter.
You could be him, but she is still in.
But you give me hope.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 18, 2021 06:27PM

Not the girl you used to know Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> But you give me hope.

Don't give up. I haven't and probably will go to my grave with just the comfort of hope that my wife and kids will eventually stop believing.

It is all I have.

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Posted by: sd ( )
Date: June 23, 2021 04:43PM


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