Hello board

I hope your summer is good and you have nice weather wherever you live in the world. Well, how do I start my question. I have my autism diagnosis and other worries. I am a person in shape and clean from drugs/alcohol but very economic and socially poor and have a non-existent social network. I'm sitting here alone thinking about this thing, you know, dating. Why does it never happen? Why do I not try? I have the ability to talk to people if I want to and I have sexual needs from time to time. But why do I not act? One reason, I think, is that I think I'm an impractical person to have a relationship with and someone may not have a materially good life together with me. I may not be in an obstacle but not so useful. Clumsy and busy with my special interests.

How would you think about the question: how to date if you have low social status? No bells and whistles here. I am more the person that only owns the clothes I am wearing.

But I would to meet someone and learn about life a bit more.

Having little money does not need to be an impediment to dating. Some potential partners would reject you for that, but most would not. Most people I know of who find a partner these days do it through a dating app.

It's never too late to work to improve your circumstances, should you wish to do so. Community colleges are affordable, and they have a variety of courses and pathways that could give you the skills needed to earn a better income. Your local government likely has a department for people with disabilities that could guide you towards appropriate programs and services (i.e. maybe you could get help in achieving educational goals.)

There’s no romancing without the financing, but I think that applies mostly to men. But it’s summertime. You can reach right up and touch the sky.

If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal
If her daddy's poor, just do what you feel

Bradley, on a roll with the musical allusions lately. . .

If you are ever in Orem Utah we will find a way to meetup

It is interesting that the guy I'm with (I dated him at 20 and he was a chemist at the company and I was a secretary--so he didn't mind then). He wanted to marry me back then, but I was a good little mormon.

Because of the circumstances of our different ends of our marriages, I ended up ahead financially. Oddly enough. It doesn't matter either way.

There are people in the same situation you are in both social areas and financial. Like someone said, look at dating apps and you will find others who you can connect with.

I knew of two guys who married for money, and neither one were prizes. It sort of worked out for one, and not at all for the other.

and besides, socio-economic concept is an intellectual construct.
It's slicing and dicing the world. Nothing romantic there.

Real, no-kidding, honest, sincere, soul-relationships have nothing to do with intellectual constructs.
I mean, we can learn a lot about ourselves, what is real about us, through our recurrent patterns, the stories that illustrate these. The whole Cinderella thing, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast tales are perhaps propaganda (or at best myth) -- but these do hold in them an element of truth.
That core element of truth is what is attractive about them.

All of us have something attractive about us (despite our best endeavors to obscure it)
And it is at core inherent.

I have my autism diagnosis and other worries. I am a person in shape and clean from drugs/alcohol but very economic and socially poor and have a non-existent social network.
How would you think about the question: how to date if you have low social status? No bells and whistles here. I am more the person that only owns the clothes I am wearing.

But I would to meet someone and learn about life a bit more.

Do you have counseling for your autism? Perhaps a help group or singular therapy for help on being more social would help.

"Learn about life."
I dont know your age but life is kinda trial/error. You plan your work and then work your plan. When something doesn't work out, you go to plan B or C or D.

Forget about "low social status." Other people also struggle financially. It does not reflect on your character and personality.

Yes, you could try online dating apps. Cuz, overall, you certainly won't meet someone sitting at home all the time.
Do you like to read? Look for book clubs. (Yes, they are mostly female; but you never know somebody may have a brother, nephew or male cousin available.)
Do you bowl? Join a bowling team.

You gotta get up, get out and do something to meet someone.

As soon as this pandemic is over, I will look for new opportunities to meet people. You have been supportive. Got to get out now and live the life.

The core of what I was trying to write earlier, is I really do think the first step is internal.
A going within and discovering what is already inherently attractive about oneself.
(It has always been there, just not yet discovered by us, or has become obscured by nonsense we have been taught)

Any woman who tries the internet route is overwhelmed with prospects.
The task then becomes sorting the Bozo from the Prince.
It is at this point where valuing oneself in the core is useful.

It's foundational. It allows one to walk from an abusive relationship, for example.

Subtle flirting, positioning yourself in proximity to a prospect, casual dating leading to a "steady" reltionship, then courtship--all gone bye-bye. It's the internet, social media protocols, how #metoo has confused people and complicated things (neopuritanism, I call it), and so much more. I'll even throw hookup culture, "friends with benefits" arrangements and pornography into the mix: why wait for sexual intimacy when something of the sort is available fairly immediately? And with fewer risks and obligations?

Thus, lots of people are not dating. Marriage and fertility rates are down, especially among 1st Word cohorts. I think a lot of guys see dating as risky, complicated, and confusing.

Some of the old rules and techniques may still serve you, Cauda. Get involved with an activity you enjoy for its own sake, so you're doing something you'd enjoy anyway. Check out "meetup.com," and look for walking groups, nature groups, maybe a political or artistic group. If you're comfortable with religion, check out church home pages, and look at their "events" tab. Even if you're "on the spectrum," consider being a bit aggressive. Set up a very anonymous email address, and take the risk of telling some guy you think might be worthwhile, and telling him, "Here's my email.* I'd like to hear from you." Yes, women can do that now.

*NOT phone number--not until later!

A recipe for disaster.

...and I come from a prominent, well-to-do upper middle class family.

He couldn't afford to take me out to a nice restaurant, but he did give some flowers he picked in his back yard.

It's not about money.

It's about how you behave and how you carry yourself.

It's not about sex, either.

It's about finding common interests and finding an emotional connection.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2021 02:08AM by anybody.

Wisdom.

Getting connected in a deep way. Talking about life together.

That is some resonable goals. I hope to experience the connection with somebody.

Someone who's kind to me.

+1,000,000

One great hope finding a person that is kind. Making one feel safe.

To look at it another way, I have two daughters, aged 25 and 31. They both have boyfriends. I never intrude upon their choices. I just ask one question: is he nice to you? (for an Englishman, that includes being kind).

Usually the answer is yes. Once, my elder daughter had to think about it, before finally answering "No, not really.". Within an hour, it was over between them.

It's the most important thing and (almost) the only thing that really matters IMO.

Tom in Paris



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2021 04:09AM by Soft Machine.

Nicely put.

That's a simple but effective question. For one young man that I was in love with (many years ago,) the answer would have been no. I was in love with who I wanted him to be, not who he was. For another long-term boyfriend, I would have had to think about it more, but in the end the answer would still have been no. I could have saved myself a lot of time in both cases had I been able to answer that question truthfully.

low socio-eco status may not be as bad as it seems. Everyone is struggling except the lucky. Think of someone who is the exact opposite of low eco status, how about Prince Harry, despite having it all, he still had a hard time at it, and had to show up in Vegas or California to find a divorced woman. And how about Emma Watson, here's another really good catch, who can't seem to catch someone and has posted social media articles about her troubles. Jerry Seinfield was in his 40s before marrying. Brad Pitt can't seem to get it together (or keep it together) either, and all the women in his life are kinda strange.

We're in a troubled time, birth rates are at an all time low. Even for the upper class.

All that fashion, all those platinum albums (one of the, if not the, largest in recording history), money, fame... Can't find or keep a guy.

One celebrity wag once said, "Money doesn't buy happiness, but it does let you be miserable in the best part of town."

Not sure I would.

Just kidding.

Good luck.

Give it a shot!

Life is hot.

Be cool.

My socioeconomic status growing up was in the above average percentile but I doubt any of the mothers in my ward would have been approving of me dating their daughters. No missionary aspirations and a hell raiser rep was my calling card.

Go to a library and see who is sitting alone.

Strike up a conversation (i.e., what kind of books do you like, histories, biographies, humor, novels, excetera).

If she is walking home, ask her if she.minds if you walk her home. If not, arrange to met her in the library again, to get better acquanted.

The thing is, being able to start the conversation, as many people do not know how to do this.

Lots to talk about---favorite food, movies, books, actors, etc

Good luck.

Date within your league...

20,000 Leagues Under The Sea

Reach new heights-
BURST through the ceiling and seams...

Create NEW Realities

FIND people like you
MAKE people like you
(From scratch)

Be REAL
People like that
Or they don't

Be yourself
It might work

If not, just BE
Be Busy - people like Busy Bees

Our HIVE
Where we thrive

Good luck
Stay out of the muck



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2021 12:39PM by Tevai.

There is a scene in an episode of Reno 911 where Clementine and James Garcia go on a date. They are in a restaurant and Garcia orders his meal and then hands the waiter a piece of paper while saying "and she'll have something of equal or lesser value". I've looked for that clip on youtube. That taught me that women love coupons and is also an opening for guys to experience the power of coupons.

I hate coupons!

I absolutely HATE them.

I also hate punch cards senior discounts and everything else purported to "save me money."

If a gentleman took me out to dinner and paid with coupons I would TEAR UP his damn coupon and pay for both of our dinners myself, and then never see him again.

It is not rationale. It is not economically sound.


It's just the way I am.


I go to get coffee at the 711, and people keep shoving punch cards in my face. They tell me where I can go online to download coupons.

Yes! I would date someone in a lower socio-economic condition than I am, whatever that means.

AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T BRING ANY DAMN COUPONS WITH HIM!

Just another way for Big Brother to keep track of my spending.

Real Life-wisdom from all of you. Thank you. Having a hard time staying active in larger threads. Both cognition and language is a barrier. I have started threads before and most of the time I stop contribuiting. I can not keep up the pace.

It helps that she's beautiful, cultured, intelligent, educated, personable, vivacious, a great conversationalist, strong social skills...

Nothing like her old man!

She showed me her profile, and how she uses music, film, literary, and social clues and references that attract the attention of like-minded guys. Seriously, she's good.

Get involved in community volunteer groups.
From Library support to Save the Tree types to Zoo groups to whatever.
You meet people without expectation of hookups, make friends and greatly expand your social circle.

Your points, BkPC, are valid and have some utility, but "the times, they have a-change-d," apologies to Bob Dylan. I talked with my daughter at some length, who is both California and Massachusetts based. She says social media, especially dating and connection apps, is what "everybody" does, with etiquette and protocols old-fogey-yours-truly has only a slight knowledge of. The older means of joining organizations aren't invalid, but quite secondary.

Addressing Cauda: start doing some research on dating apps. Some are more oriented (disoriented?) towards sexual hookups (Grndr). My daughter has had success with Hinge, with most guys pursuing a 2nd date. One good thing about it is that she can post interests and leave things like education, professional achievement off her profile until later. She is accomplished--but thinks that may skew men's interest in her.

Cauda: Do read the article I linked to on my post of July 12, above. The Hinge app link:

https://apps.apple.com/us/app/hinge-dating-relationships/id595287172

No, got to check the app out.Thank you!

It may be counter intuitive, but you may actually actually have better luck finding someone above your status. Studies have shown that men that give that much importance to a woman’s financial status when selecting a partner.