So we had a bit of a stumble yesterday with the latest set of sister missionaries. For starters the trainee has become the trainer's diet coach. This really bother's us. The trainee takes about a tablespoon of our food and gives all sorts of cues to her companion obviously about portion control. It is interesting how this trainee is the one in charge. I feel so bad for the trainer. She was eating out of the foil pan we put the leftovers in for them to take.

And I found out that the trainee didn't eat the ones we sent home with them last time.

I don't need to bore you with the details but this set doesn't respond to texts, texts only right before they want to come to dinner, and insist on 5pm dinners which isn't convenient for us.

It has been a bit of a trial. And the trainee is so fake and condescending sounding when she talks to us and her companion. And she never skimps or skips our deserts.

These things and more made me realize that Mormonism is still very much a cult and I'm helping MLM representatives. I don't mind helping them with food and I love it when they ask about my disbelief but this pair treats us like a fast food joint and could careless about my reservations with the church.

Silly and old I am. But I support my wife in her wanting to feed them. I do as well. People fed my kids and I am grateful for it.

But in the end these are mostly immature teenage girls with at least 5 years before their brains fully mature.

And they are representatives of Jesus Christ Inc. a corporate solely owned subsidiary of Kookoo for Kolob Corporation of the most highest people on the planet.

Is the trainer over weight or trying to lose weight? Does she want the trainee to be her "diet" coach? Or is the trainee just a control freak?

If its a control issue, I'd be tempted to say something like "she can figure out what to eat on her own I'm sure" or words to that effect.

Sounds like an odd dinner to sit through.

I don't know if they have an arrangement but I could see the trainee wore the pants - literally.

Get them alone, if only for a few moments. I know that is the worst possible sin a missionary can make, but do it anyway. Have a chat with them about anorexia and how it kills. Then re-work that line from Pirates of the Caribbean about how they'd better start believing in an anorexia situation because they're in one.

Document. And be prepared for a sh!tshow from the mission president. This literally could take a life.

slskipper Wrote:
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> Get them alone, if only for a few moments.

I'm not going to do that. They are acting like high schoolers but both are 20.

I know you won't agree, but this is why I don't get into this worrying about the missionaries or feeling sorry for them. Only a few deserve our empathy. Most are just doing what their parents want the same as if they were doing their homework. Duty. Obligation.

I had a senior who made my life hell. They just pair you up and you are stuck 24/7. I gutted it out. What you going to do? My mission toughened me up.

We weren't allowed to eat at members homes unless they invited a friend as well for us to "lovingly harass into the church". We also worked our butts off-- some of us definitely not all--- and had real purpose even as misguided as that purpose was. I actually had stuff to report at my homecoming and it wasn't how many lawns I mowed or how many leaves I raked for the Bishop.

No wonder they quit the homecomings. Nothing to tell for the most part.

So, what did your wife have to say about the sisters? Was she as bothered as you? I get helping others but I'm not sure these are the right others. They are technically adults doing volunteer work.

Done & Done Wrote:
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> So, what did your wife have to say about the
> sisters? Was she as bothered as you?

She was pissed off. She was more bothered than me. She left work early and could have gotten in trouble to hurry home to cook them some of the best stir fry that I've ever had. And they didn't eat hardly any of it. They did put away the ice cream. I guess that was okay because trainee wanted it. Then they rushed off giggling and didn't say goodbye. Just walked out our door. It was super weird and awkward.

Thank you. I was very curious.

For those of us who did missions the old fashioned way it is so obvious the mission has become a joke and just busy work which makes supporting the useless missionaries like a primary class.
At what point does a faithful Mormon just face that fact even if they still choose to believe--like your wife with the big heart.

My mom knows all the problems with the church but she just "trusts Heavenly Father" cuz he is running it and of course then has a purpose. "Ours is not to wonder why, ours is to do and die" approach.

But how on earth does one not wonder why?

And how does one get to be so damn RUDE. You thank your host even if you didn't care for the meal or the company.

+10000000 A fair percentage of the mishies are just spoiled brats who have been lead to believe their joke of a calling puts them on par with the Apostles and calling them on their behavior would not be out of line. Sez me anyways.

On my mission I ate barbecued cow intestines which kind of made me sick but I smiled and pretended to love them. It's what you do. Luckily there was Balcarce for dessert which made it all worth it.

Hubs has been served many things he was not fond of. He is good at pushing things around or hiding them in his napkin. He drew the line at eyes. Sheep, goat, fish. They are considered a delicacy so they were offered to him as the honored guest. Once he learned that he would decline and offer them to the highest level man there but in a gracious way.

The EBs are WAY nicer than I would have been. I have no problem calling out rude. Frankly, I would have told Little Miss Bitch to go eat in the other room.

That's our Susan! Love it.

Susan I/S Wrote:
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> Frankly, I
> would have told Little Miss Bitch to go eat in the
> other room.

Love it. Trainee is a piece of work. I much prefer the dears in the headlights missionaries than the manipulative, condescending, and ill mannered ones.

Funny, the trainee is from Georgia. I would have thought her manners would have been better.

I would stick up for the trainer, i.e. "I'm sure that [name] is perfectly capable of figuring how much she wants to eat." Someone stuck up for me once at a dinner when I was a teen, and I remember that kindness to this day.

We tell her to eat more and she looks at trainee and then says she's fine and then goes after the food while trainee is talking that is sitting in the take home container.

That sounds really weird. I feel sorry for the trainer. Seems like the mission would be hard enough without the diet police.

I would have no problem addressing them and say, “This is outrageous behavior—-one: that you (trainee) are so abusive; and two: that you (trainer) take it. I’ll be explaining to the mission president why you two won’t be back.”

Then I’d show them the door.

We aren't inviting them back anymore. We will give it some time because you wait a bit and there are always new ones.

You and your wife ate the missionaries ?

Goes down a treat with a spritz of lemon juice...

I prefer fava beans and a nice Chianti.

We roasted them but it was after they had left. So we ate them metaphorically.

We fed the missionaries who hated each other and were obvious about it.

At the end of dinner one said in monotone, “Would you like a spiritual thought?”

I burst out laughing.

That is great! The trainer with a previous companion tried to get me to pray, read scriptures, accept challenges, talk about my spiritual feelings about Jesus. She wouldn't quit so my wife spoke to her at church. Next time she came she looked at me and asked if they could share a message. I told her that was fine by me. She then gave a spiritual sentence something about Jesus.

She hasn't shared one since. And trainee doesn't seem to mind. It pisses my wife off because she was a serious missionary back in the day.

I would probaly tell the trainee to f*** off and either back off or I would got to the mission pres and quit and go home
I'll bt that would get a reaction

thedesertrat1 Wrote:
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> I would probaly tell the trainee to f*** off and
> either back off or I would got to the mission pres
> and quit and go home
> I'll bt that would get a reaction

Once a person starts down that road, then they will end up not being on a fool time MORmON mission, and then not being in the Book of MORmON church....

That was in 2012 or in 2013 shortly before we resigned. We only had Elder missionaries and no sister missionaries. The rule was that the Elders had to come at 5pm. My husband was not home by 5pm so I gave the food in an aluminum box and handed it to the Elders at the door and they were so upset. I said that my husband called that he is stuck in traffic and will not be home for at least another hour. They said that I should reschedule for another day when my husband is home and that they would not take the food. Hmmm

Crazy. We asked them if they can come later but they want 5. I don't know why. The other sisters never did this. I'm thinking that they want at least a good desert before going somewhere they want to go which is not our place.

There is probably a mission rule that they need to be working by 6:00 PM.

Probably new rule. Stupid one if that is it.

Hedning Wrote:
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> There is probably a mission rule that they need to
> be working by 6:00 PM.

It should be announced and explained by church leaders. That way people understand the policy and don't feel offended.

However, most folks can't have dinner at 5:00, unless they are retired or self-employed.

When our former stake instituted that rule, dinner appointments almost disappeared, so they changed the policy.

Even though DH is now retired, we don't eat dinner at 5!

So true, most people who work are just leaving their jobs at 5pm if they have a typical full-time job.

There is probably a missionary rule that they need to be wasting other's time by 6:00 PM.

Elder Berry Wrote:
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> Crazy. We asked them if they can come later but
> they want 5. I don't know why. The other sisters
> never did this. I'm thinking that they want at
> least a good desert before going somewhere they
> want to go which is not our place.

You don't ASK.

You TELL them what time you will be having dinner (and ask them to come 15 minutes ahead of time [if they want to eat] and occupy them while the table is being set, or encourage them to assist, and/ or wash up).

That's the way you do it.
Just saying-

Don't Worry, Be Happy

When i was on my mission, there was not requirement for members to feed the missionaries, and food was very expensive in my mission. We ate very poorly. I got invited to meals about a dozen and a half times on my mission and I remember every meal and the kind members who fed us, and often remember the jokes and stories they told. Don't remember any spiritual messages we left.

I’ll bet you $ they’re filming Y0up0rn videos on Peeday

They were manipulating you (just like trainee was manipulating the trainer). The conversation Must Be controlled by you, otherwise, they will attempt it...

The 5 O'CLOCK thing, that was the trainee's preference (so they can have another meal later at a more devout member's home - as well at a late lunch appointment at 3...) [they were using you - and discussing you behind your back].

Say something right then and there!

THIS IS YOUR HOME, where You rule.
You call the shots. No cheap shots.

They wouldn't act this way at the bishop's home.

And they wouldn't get any desert until they finished their supper.

~ufotofu~ Wrote:
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> The 5 O'CLOCK thing, that was the trainee's
> preference (so they can have another meal later at
> a more devout member's home

Incidentally, my wife spoke with the Mormon neighbor's who the pair visited next. Apparently she was cooking dinner at the time they visited her. My wife didn't ask if she fed them but one can surmise it happened.

Anyway this experience has helped me realize that in helping people I'll get burned now and again especially since we're not "a more devout member's home."

We will only be an attractive place to missionaries less devout than this pair.

I am sorry that you got burned.

Happened to me about 10 years ago. My wife wanted to be nice because they looked miserable biking under the blazing sun.

Spent a lot of time cooking, prepping and money. Made the meal from scratch, including dessert. Also had Sprite, cold water, ice.

Elders came late, ate little and were rude. Their attitude sucked.

We haven't invited any missionaries since (and probably never again).

Young Mormons (not just young ones either) are SO UNGRATEFUL sometimes.

They give mormons/ Mormonizm a bad name
Mormonism gives Mormonizm a bad name

It's because they are raised to be so uncultured and disrespectful - and ignorant - of any decent standards of courtesy, conversation, or respect.

I don't invite MORMONS anywhere - especially to my home - because they are such unwelcome (and unwelcoming) guests, the same way I wouldn't accept an invitation by the Mormons because I find better company in be open, honest, and courteous in my conversations and company.

So "knowing" (lol) these young, unsearching, uninquisitive beings are that they generally make awful guests. Shameful but true.

"It's because they are raised to be so uncultured and disrespectful - and ignorant - of any decent standards of courtesy, conversation, or respect."

I couldn't agree more. Except you forgot the instilled arrogance.
A fair percentage of the missionaries feel like they are "slumming" when they visit, well, most anybody.

A large percentage of the missionaries on my mission disparaged the people of the country and the members when no one was around. They put down the food, social customs, education and intelligence and talked often of how much better everything was back in "Zion" where you could at least get Fry Sauce, haha. This is all to feel superior which is a necessary part of mormonism. Not just superior to non Mormons but superior even to other Mormons.

Yea-

... Ignorant of their own ignorance...
And UNCONNECTED to the real world
In a REAL way, isolated, ignorant, uninterested in learning almost entirely (at least as far as important truths and facts are concerned) anything important.

Elder Berry Wrote:
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> ~ufotofu~ Wrote:
> ----------------------------------------------
>
> Incidentally, my wife spoke with the Mormon
> neighbor's who the pair visited next. Apparently
> she was cooking dinner at the time they visited
> her. My wife didn't ask if she fed them but one
> can surmise it happened.
>

Bastards (Southpark reference)!

> Anyway this experience has helped me realize that
> in helping people I'll get burned now and again
> especially since we're not "a more devout member's
> home."

Don't let it happen again, please-lol!

>
> We will only be an attractive place to
> missionaries less devout [more thoughtful, considerate, thankful] than this pair [of rude, selfish, ungrateful kids].

I made the classic mistake in helping people. I made it about me instead of just the help.

I think by the time it happens again - in years to come, if it does - you will have updated the house rules, including proper courtesies to the hosts, contemporary universal etiquette expectations, and RSVP options, including times, shoes at the door [a must, or a bust], and exclusions (like phones off, or at the door with coats, shoes, umbrellas, etc.) at the sacred time of dinner and togetherness.

Even give them the info On Paper
(LDS like that too. They eat it up.)

They'll be there or they'll be square.
They'll be square anyway but, oh well-

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child
Some of these kids need to spend some/ MORE time in the (non-mormon) village [so hopefully they can grow].

Ingratitude seems pervasive in certain of our female family members. We’ve got one who wouldn’t say “Thank you,” if you gave her Bradley Cooper.

My niece rejected a homemade meal invitation from me in my home on the grounds that she would only eat with me if it was at a high end restaurant. I concluded that I was trying to bond and she was trying to simply stuff her pie hole with the most expensive food she could get. Since it was obvious we were working at cross purposes I extended no more invitations and I have not seen her since.

Anyone who sits at my table eating my food who is rude and disrespectful will get some serious conversation about their lack of couth, grace and manners. And don't come back.

If your wife had to leave work early to accommodate their request I don't know why you didn't just tell them their schedule was unworkable? What makes their schedule so unchangeable but not your wife's?

If another dinner is in the future for missionaries be firm about a schedule that works best for you rather than them. Start with spaghetti and canned tomato sauce. Dessert, if even offered, should be canned applesauce. If the missionaries are truly humble and grateful, as I was as a starving missionary, they will eat every bite and be thanking you profusely. If they reject it and/or complain, you aren't out very much except your time and trouble. And you will know never to invite those missionaries ever again.

Pooped Wrote:
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> And you will know
> never to invite those missionaries ever again.

We talked about it and we are not extending the invitation again. We are not going to invite people over who don't appreciate the act of kindness we are attempting to do. If it is just something they think they have to do for us then they don't have to anymore.

> We are not going to invite people
> over who don't appreciate the act
> of kindness we are attempting to
> do. If it is just something they
> think they have to do for us then
> they don't have to anymore.

The mystery of who is doing whom the favor!

I had a marriage that foundered because of this fundamental misunderstanding, but at least I learned a few things.

How long ago did you learn that trick?

I'm disheartened that I didn't read this situation right from the start.

If by "learn that trick" you assume that I actually learned and APPLIED useful information, you've fallen into error.

I have the memories, and I have my interpretations, but these memories and interpretations of events from the late 1970s are easily suppressed when it suits me. I remain as prone to error/mistake as the next yearning human being...except, of course, Gladys Lot. I'm counting on her to get me a pity-pass into the next dimension.

I do have the experience of my neighbors, who I used to like quite well. They got a new dog and my boyfriend and I gave them stuff we had for our dogs as they had nothing including a $150 (used) dog kennel. I used to be impressed with the kids in the family. They asked again to mow my lawn this summer. I always pay them very well and they've mowed for 3 summers. My "husband" doesn't like me wasting money on paying for lawn mowing, so he started mowing it (he hasn't mowed lawn in 20 years or more) and I insisted that the kids were going to mow it, too bad. They mowed twice 3 weeks apart until I bought myself a new electric mower and mowed it myself. They'd come running out and tell me they planned on doing it such and such a day when my lawn was 3 weeks long. I don't like my lawn not to be mowed on time.

But my boyfriend's mother is like the b*tch from hell. I quit giving her gifts and I also quit going to visit her with him (in AZ). I made her a TV-sized small tied quilt and she told her son that it wasn't a quilt, implying because it is a tied quilt, it wasn't a quilt. She told him it was a "comfort throw."

His mother and him are pretty snobbish for not being RICH. Yes, he is, too. And he is with poor little old me. ha ha ha ha

But what they did to you and your wife was RUDE. If you are going to continue feeding them, there must be a way you can work around this like make them a dinner they can take home and rewarm at 5 p.m. rather than your wife getting off work early. I mean, isn't that how most mormons do it anyway like when a family has a baby and the R.S. brings dinner over?

Yikes. Sounds messy.

My wife has dropped off food since we don't want them to come over.