I don't know what to do. I believe it is a disease. I can't fix myself. I was abused in the scout program. Please help me. I cannot have good relationships with adults. Advice?

There is a $2.7B claimants fund.

https://topclassactions.com/lawsuit-settlements/sexual-assault-abuse/boy-scouts-reach-agreement-with-insurers-sex-abuse-claimants/

You probably need therapy. Check state resources and try to get help that way. If you are a legitimate victim, and even if you aren't, you are part of the latest protected class.

I didn't become a pedophile. With how many kids are sexually abused they need to know and I needed to know I was not going to become like my abusers. I recently found out another of my siblings abused another of my siblings.

I don't know why this happened to me and my sibling but we didn't become pedophiles. It is wrong to assume this is what happens.

I think a lot of child abuse is at the hands of siblings.

Sad. I was prepared by my sibling to be easily groomed by a scoutmaster who charmed my mother.

I was sexualized and molested as a toddler and then molested and raped by a scoutmaster.

It feels weird to write this but it is true. I blocked a lot for a long time and thought I was just like everyone else. Funny now I know people aren't hyper sexual and hyper vigilant to being manipulated and abused.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/21/2022 10:48AM by Elder Berry.

In the 1950s, it was perfectly all right to beat the living daylights out of your kids if they dared to talk back, get less than perfect grades in school, wear outfits you didn't like, play with kids you didn't like, stay up past appointed bedtimes, refuse to eat foods they detested - you get the picture.

I learned how to put up my arms to "block" against being slapped across the face long before I learned that this was a standard martial arts technique. I also learned how to fight back when things got physical. I know that this sort of stuff happened to my contemporaries because we compared notes.

As a parent, I made a very deliberate decision NOT to hit my son. I never treated him the way I was treated as a child, and funny thing - he didn't turn out to be a criminal or otherwise bad person.

Yeah, you could say I am still bitter about my mother having used me as a punching bag. I do not regret hitting back when I could or doing more passive-aggressive things like hiding, not coming when called, ignoring commands, etc. It's all about survival.

> I do not
> regret hitting back when I could or doing more
> passive-aggressive things like hiding, not coming
> when called, ignoring commands, etc. It's all
> about survival.

No child should regret any of those things. Expecting a kid to demonstrate more maturity and self-control than an adult is itself a form a child abuse.

I too resolved NEVER to hit my children.

Al Fish Wrote:
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> Please help me. I cannot have good
> relationships with adults. Advice?

If this is legit then you know you need to speak to professionals and not an Internet forum about leaving Mormonism.

Good luck and harm no one including yourself.

I have no idea if this topic is legitimate or not, but I'll throw in an opinion...based on ALMOST having a degree in psychology from BYU.

Some people are sexually attracted to prepubescent children.
There may not be anything you can do about that, except exercise a LOT of self-control and stay away from kids.

Other people may be reacting to the power dynamic.
If you were abused as a child, you probably felt powerless. It's completely understandable that you wouldn't want to feel powerless again.
(For example, I'm attracted to women who are smaller than me MUCH more than I am to women who are bigger than me.
I blame that on having a domineering mother.)
This kind of person may benefit from therapy. It is possible to get your power back.
The original poster says he doesn't get along with adults, that makes me think he's in this category.

Go to therapy. Start seeing yourself as an adult who can deal with other adults.
And, for heaven's sake, keep your hands off the children.

Pedophiles have long been the most demonized people in society, but new research is showing that understanding them is the first step in lowering instances of child sexual abuse. Meet the men born attracted to the impossible, and the maverick doctors who dare advocate on their behalf.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5610134/


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I,_Pedophile

The film features James Cantor, a neuroscientist and sex researcher who "conducted revolutionary research that found a dramatic cross-wiring in the connective tissue (or 'white matter') of pedophiles' brains, in an area related to stimuli and sexual response." Cantor explains his program of research findings in the film, showing how the findings led to the conclusion that pedophilia is in the brain and that those brain differences were likely present before birth. He states, "The day before somebody gives in to his sexual interest in children, he was a person who was struggling with his sexual interests in children, and that's the day we failed him."

Director Matt Campea described in an interview what drew him to this topic for a documentary: "They have this secret that festers inside them that they can't talk to anyone about. That's a dark place." He continued, "We're at a moment in time here. If somebody is born with something they can't control, we shouldn't condemn them. We should extend a compassionate hand and give them the resources they need to lead a virtuous, dignified life."

And don't give in to the temptation to download forbidden material or contact underage subjects.

Open yourself up to the idea that you may just be traumatized and captured by a certain idea that you are a living taboo, and your fear and your unprocessed shock and the social stunt you received have settled over you in waves over many years during your sexual development and taken this form. I don't think you're doomed to be the thing you said you think you are. But if you ever do get the urge to hurt a child, please do whatever it takes to stop yourself. Get help. Talk to professionals about it. If you're in control of it and you've vowed never to act on it, nobody needs to know anything about it. Shove it down and explore other avenues. I don't believe that sexuality is fixed. I think it's stubborn, but not fixed. In any case, you can never act on this and you need to find a way to accept yourself that simultaneously doesn't make you a problem to anybody. Do not just turn into an introverted ascetic who lacerates his psychological back with putdowns: that's gonna force you to relive your traumas and lose your grip on your well-being, which is going to drive you to compulsive behaviors that make you feel good, which in your case could get you in a lot of trouble or create victims, so just don't do that shit. Love yourself. Get the mastery of yourself. Don't hate yourself if loving yourself is a tall order. Don't hurt anybody. Stay away from kids. Live your life. You'd be surprised how the earth keeps turning even when you feel like it has no business doing so.

I met a woman once who was afraid to touch her kids, because if she touched them for too long, she was afraid she would violate them. She admitted she was violated as a child by her bishop. I imagine that her having her first experience with sex be that crossed some wires. But also, I’m not sure her psyche works the way she was afraid that it worked. She never actually violated her children, seeing as how she avoided touching them at all even in benign ways. Just the idea of touching a child was ruined in her mind by the trauma, the self-loathing, the fear, the flashbacks, and the repression of her own sexual desirous which she probably never asked for and thus never completely came to terms with.

Sex is a tricky but foundational cornerstone of a healthy mind, and that’s why it’s so evil to violate a child. You are worthy of giving yourself a chance to heal and grow and understand yourself in a truly honest way where you don’t view yourself as any worse or better than you actually are. Freud is a quack according to some, but he’s the father of psychology nevertheless. You might start here, formulate new questions, and then just go on an auto-didactic marathon. You are the victim of your story, but you also have to be a hero and rise above your trauma just enough to make sure you don’t victimize anybody else. Maybe that’s just your fear talking, but maybe you genuinely might hurt a kid. That’s not bound to happen. Therapy can be very useful for getting an accurate perspective of your situation. I recommend finding a psychologist for sexual trauma or religious trauma or both, not necessarily one who specializes in pedophilia. That may just be a fixation that for now seems like your fate but that later may just seem a trauma-induced fear. Anyway, give yourself a fighting chance to heal and find out.

https://youtu.be/mhG-twzaE_g

I don't believe the op was genuine, due to their asking for advice, and never responding to any of it. So I won't waste much effort.

But as a former therapist for sex-offenders I agree with some of the advice here. Others, not so much. A person that has never offended against a child, doesn't need to stay away from children as many advised, in my opinion. We all have fantasies and inclinations that don't go beyond that.

A guy that fantasizes about a threesome with his wife and her sister, might be considered odd if he voiced it. But it doesn't mean that he has to stay away from family gatherings. Fantasy is different that actions.

His stated purpose wasn't how to keep away from children, it was how to sexually relate to adults. If you take him at his word, he doesn't have a problem with children. If he was reading and replying, I'd give more advice.

>>I don't believe the op was genuine, due to their asking for advice, and never responding to any of it.

I didn't think it was legitimate either but my explanations why have been deleted twice. I still think this was a drive by troll.

dagny Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >>I don't believe the op was genuine, due to their
> asking for advice, and never responding to any of
> it.
>
> I didn't think it was legitimate either but my
> explanations why have been deleted twice. I still
> think this was a drive by troll.

I think we're not supposed to question a poster's sincerity in case we're wrong and hurt/harm them by our suspicion. If we just report the post Admin can take a look and decide yay or nay.