The Spring, 2022 edition of the BYU Alumni magazine, Y Magazine, landed in my mailbox today.  I enjoy getting it for the sole purpose of seeing who might have ‘graduated’ from Earth, and to make sure I’m not listed among them.  You have to be vigilant!  The title of the only section I read completely is "Deaths".

    In all the years I’ve been getting the magazine, I have never read a single complete article; I just look at the photographs/drawings, think smutty thoughts, giggle, and then turn the page.

    And up until page 17, it was business as usual.

    But page 18 slowed me down a bit, and provoke me writing about it.

    Page 18 features Dan J. Daley, Ph.D., class of 1998, and his article, “Pillars of a Happy Life”.  His doctorate is in psychology.  He is described as a ‘Positive Psychologist’, as if that were his title.  “Hi, I’m Dr. Daley, positive psychologist."

    The article apparently (I didn’t actually read it…) expands on the Four Pillars of Support for a Happy Life:

1)  Loving and Engaged Relationships
2)  A Sense of Purpose
3)  An Attitude of Optimism
4)  A Connection to Spirituality

    Apparently, if you’re missing anyone of these, you’re not happy.  At that point I was not happy . . .

    I believe it’s obvious that were I to enter into a discussion with this psychologist, especially given that he is a Positive Psychologist, and that my point would be that #4 is poppycock, my lack of any credentials in the field would allow him to do one of my favorite things in the whole world, pooh-pooh my arguments that #4 is bogus.

    “I pooh-pooh your silly attempt to overturn my positive psychology truths!” he would exclaim!  Maybe with a bit of French accent?  (I wonder how Tom says it, in his British/Paris-Arrondisement-19 accent?)

    I would replace the Positive Psychologist's #4 with “A steady source of revenue” because “Loving and engaged Relationships” don’t just happen, and Optimism is a lot easier with food in your belly and a roof over your head.  (As for sense of purpose, serial killers and other crazies have it in spades.)

    Maybe I’m incorrect, but I am convinced I am living a happy life, and I am definitely NOT connected to Spirituality in any way, shape or form, except for runner’s high, and that’s just endorphins, close cousins of the south Atlantic dolphins, but cuter …

    What’s your take on the notion that happiness is NOT possible without a “Connection to Spirituality”?  And one supposes that a mormon/BYU-approved connection to mormon-ish spirituality is meant.


    Edited to add: No one interesting died, but class of '70 (my class) had 13 deaths, topped only by class of 1973, with 14.

What class were you, D&D?  If you're class of '73, check your pulse!

    Edit #2: sorry about there being no guitars . . .  I was feeling whimsical when I got around to the title.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/18/2022 10:24PM by elderolddog.

I'm sending you the guitar army ...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-UjB94LyYY

My father-in-law was class of '41 and while they don't do reunions anymore, he's still alive and gardening. So you should be good for another 20,000 miles.

Separately, it's nice to have you and your unique brand of incoherence back on the board.

Oh, no!! . . . My son is home hiding all his guitars!

(Spoken with my purely British accent - think BBC...):

Nice to see you, EOD. I too have no connection to spirituality, nor any need for one, as far as I can see.

Unless of course it's in the French sense: 'Spirituel' means "witty" - and 'spiritualité' is therefore 'wit' - something I do indeed associate with Elderolddog ;-)

Oh no. I've been tossing the magazine all these years without even looking. Well, the occasional fanning of the pages thinking I would find something to laugh about or be horrified by but not even a chuckle or a gasp. Nothing. I felt nothing. What a snore.

BUT. But,but but . . . There is an entertainment section? Yea, even obits? I will have to start looking, cuz, uh, class of 74 here. I think. Barely remember.



Now down to El Señor Daley, Psicologo Positivo y Hombre de Grande Importancia.

SPIRITUALITY is the Green Jello of the semantic world. (Try to avoid the one with ham and cottage cheese.) No word has more definitions than spirituality which renders it more useless than a knitted condom or even a wooden frying pan.

The word OPTIMISM has sold a lot of self help books and made a lot of authors very rich as their readers failed miserably with the tools they had been sold in order to become mega successful and fulfilled. Also see, Mormonism.

PURPOSE means you are doing what somebody else wants you to and convincing yourself there is honor in that so you can feel good about what others want you to be when you never really wanted to do that at all. Real people just do what needs to be done cuz they got street smarts and realize it's necessary and somebody's got to do it and adding the label purpose is a bit arrogant.

LOVING AND ENGAGED RELATIONSHIPS. WTF? (FUDGE) You can even go on a reality show and get a loving and engaged relationship nowadays. Often they last months to a year before they turn on you and then we all latch onto that self esteem preserving word COMPROMISE to convince ourselves that we are indeed in a loving and engaged relationship and if you are not denying yourself a lot then you are not in a loving and engaged relation ship.

Attaching the word Happy to Life as a goal is the best way to cheat yourself out of a Happy life. The sooner one figures out it's all a Dodge Ball game the better of one will be.

I'm glad I learned the Piano. The aliens aren't interested in them apparently.

Psychology graduate here. Positive psychology might have its place in theory but in my opinion it’s not a holistic way of approaching things. What about understanding issues so as to help people with trauma, negative experiences, real life problems (such as poverty)? Pushing for this approach on its own then becomes quite toxic and I’m not surprised this would be something coming out of BYU. (And my own bias here: mormonism to me is toxic positivity).

There are (so many) other ways of looking at things. The best therapists in my experience are the ones that train in integrative psychotherapy. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, presented as a pyramid, is one example of something more useful: You need to have physical and safety needs met first, before it’s even possible to think about love, for example. The crowning glory would be the happiness that comes from fulfilling your potential. That could mean different things to different people but I don’t think spirituality is mentioned.

Just my view, but ‘spirituality’ could mean so many different things. Obviously a BYU professor is going to equate that to religion. For me it would be something like a Buddhist philosophy, or connecting with nature; but again, that feels like a privilege when you’re struggling with real life survival issues. And for someone else, that would make them unhappy; this would be true even if there’s research evidence that indicates spirituality seems to make people happier. How can that be applied to everyone? I remember reading about the Blue Zones research; basically a study of the diets and lives of the healthiest people in the world. Aside from diet, these people all experienced a strong sense of community. Well that’s great to know, except when you can’t have that, or you prefer to be alone anyway. There is other research that says having a pet is good for your wellbeing. So, can I just live in the middle of nowhere with my cats instead then? People stress me out.

I don’t like all this prescriptive stuff that doesn’t take into account individual differences and preferences. A good psychologist IMO understands there are conflicting pieces of research and many ways of looking at things, at both an individual and societal level.