Here's mine: 50% on The Savior (they just can't quite force themselves to say "Jesus", can they?); 40% on the Covenant Path, and 10% on some Third World dad who made his kids starve so they could give money to the church.

Or am I mistaken?

It will be either:

Inspiring words from prophets, seers, revelators, special witnesses of Christ, and other elect leaders who were chosen by God himself,

Or…

Hours of boring drivel punctuated with the occasional forced mild laugh. Oh-and some new temples will be announced.

Rusty will announce:
Late last night I was inspired to know that The Savior himself was planning to be here to speak in conference this morning. However, I have just been informed that because of the way he was dressed security turned him away at the door.
We will now hear from Elder Bednar instead.

You know they were sweating, coming up with new temple locations!

Maybe not this one, but a good chance in October of 2023, they will make up some fabulous story about why no new temples are being announced for that session.

All will marvel!!

I suspect the Q15 will announce a temple in Disneyland.

Lot's Wife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I suspect the Q15 will announce a temple in
> Disneyland.


I mean, Disney World has Space Mountain...

question: ~


isn't there some conference bingo cards for exmos out there somewhere ? ~


in b 4 ~ cricket ~

https://the-righteous-heathen.tumblr.com/post/680481200026124288/exmormon-general-conference-bingo-for-those-of-you

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/j1cyvy/conference_bingo_2020_edition/

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/ddw4l9/heres_another_general_conference_bingo_card/

https://rationalfaiths.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/conferencebingo1.jpg

https://rationalfaiths.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/conferencebingo2.jpg

https://rationalfaiths.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/conferencebingo3.jpg

Have fun playing ~

Savior, pay your tithing, don't masturbate, savior blah. blah, blah, etc.

Moral dilemma here:

What if I'm masturbating while thinking about the Savior AND paying tithing? Might the church court indulge me thusly?

Masturbating while thinking of the Savior?

So we add Gay to your list of Mormon failings? Love Jesus, but then there's love, Jesus!

No one is a greater expert on Jesus than our very own Jesus (not to be confused with Jesus).

What's the dilemma? Just make sure to put on your 'Aunt Wendy TesticleMonkey Glove' before you spank that guy, whoops! I mean hold to the rod. See, no sin--you're just vigorously exercising your priesthood.

Nothingburger with not enough condiments to make it tasty or interesting

Basically they will say you are to give tithing to the church to solve the church's needs. But, for your own needs, you are supposed to pray.

They will give women power.
They will apologize for not properly handling child abuse.
They will stop building for the dead.
They will announce many charitable projects for lay people to do instead of tithe.
They will announce many new programs to help members socialize and take care of one another.
They will send all of their apostles out to be missionaries without purse or script and pay for any of their families to go with them.

Whatever it is that you’re smoking, I hope you share it with the rest of us. :)

Hopes I smokes but I will never see their spirit of a great god burning my hopes into useful truth.

Selling hope is like making soap, son, I'll tell you why: cause you cannot make both without a little bit of lie/lye. -Remy

I'm not selling. I'm giving it away for free.

I think maybe Elder B is right about some of those topics:

>>They will apologize for not properly handling child abuse.

They won't apologize of course, but they might badmouth the media and give messages about how it is wrong to fink on the church in public places. They might even throw in some hint that you shouldn't sue the church. Then they will say how much they care for children.

>>They will announce many charitable projects...

I think they might be feeling the pressure to look more charitable. I wouldn't be surprised if they talk about how spiritual and special they are while bragging about some aid they gave somewhere.

>>They will announce many new programs to help members socialize and take care of one another.

This appears to be a main topic everywhere. TV shows, commercials and celebrities are talking non stop about mental health and getting help. I think the they might jump on the bandwagon and talk about how the church helps mental health and how you should do more church crap. Of course they won't address many of the main reasons people are depressed now (pandemic issues, worry over losing rights and democracy, climate and economic issues and cycles due to war and lingering supply chain impact, etc.)

I also think they might try to use something related to the war to be a faith promoting story. They might have a story abut some wonderful Mormon(s) who did such and such for a Ukrainian family, for example.

Meanwhile, on my local TV, there are nonstop commercials for the upcoming conference to be shown on TV. Oh boy!

Sad but I think you are right. Draw near to me with their lips...

A bg comeback for "unquote"!

Oh God hear the words of my quote.

At least one will say something completely asinine and inflammatory. There's always one talk that goes way out to insult members.

95% of the talks will be snoozers. Maybe the church ought to mix their droning/whiny voices with a rain noise CD. They could make more money for their ensign peak.

Nelson continues on his trek to senility. Maybe he will complain about how unhappy God becomes when serving hot dogs with pink napkins after having a boy's birthday party.

"another historic conference"


All speakers will quote Rusty at least once, except for Rusty.


internet will f*ckup your spirit, so please leave it alone.


Tithing.

I like your summary. It is like you can see into the future.

When you understand the tools these 15 clowns have to work with...conference talks practically write themselves.

Rusty will probably quote himself!

It will be surprisingly like the last conference. Jesus this and that and more temples announced. Maybe they will really go nuts and announce 20 this time.

They could talk about money- it's the only thing the church does well. All their other topics such as missionary work, families forever, spiritual discernment are complete failures.

They could offer really good insurance and 401k benefits to members but all they offer for 10 percent is working for dead beats and reasons to feel righteous.

I accidentally made this post but it was empty.

I would be remiss if I didn't take this opportunity to make another conference prediction.... At the GenCon after party, Rusty and Wendy will release a sextape titled "Lighted Pen and Vitamin Pills: Not Even Once Part Deux".



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/14/2022 09:46AM by cheezus.

Since Russ doesn’t fit or measure up to Hugh Brown’s ‘Profile of a Prophet’, / BYU /1955 (has any ???) P o a P won’t be mentioned.

I wonder if Brown did.

I've seen lots of guys with English/British accents hawking junk on late-nite television (sham-wow, kitchen utensils, etc), I guess that indicates that works;

So, they should take 'commercial breaks' featuring some guy with a very heavy English/British accent, mentioning the blessings of Mormon paraphernalia/accouterments/kitsch such as books, testimony gloves, & MLM food supplements!

I'm serious here folks, good ole U.S. capitalism with a touch of MoStyle 'religion' as a side dish!!!

Perhaps a pop-up ad with that british voice saying "This start-up church is disrupting the billion dollar Jesus industry."

Love it.

This young start up by poor itinerant farmers from the 19th Century is disrupting churches hundreds and up to one thousand years old.

They are showing human societies how lucrative offering salvation is.

Antarctica and Easter Island get temples. A second Russian temple will be announced.

Jeff Holland brags about the worldwide TV audience watching conference. And then in true Holland style threatens to assault any losers who fall asleep on their sofas while watching.

Whatever the usual suspects (GC subjects) are, they tend to betray what’s currently bothering the brethren primarily.

While pedophilia will surely go unmentioned, the sin of non-marital sex will be highlighted yet again.

And, though they won’t want to infer limits on their Mormon-God’s power, they’ll probably mention that conserving water might not be a bad idea.

Where is their bishops water storehouse?

Time for the church to buy a few lakes instead of farms and temples!

I’m guessing their water storehouse is in Jackson County, MO. JS was inspired, doncha know. It actually rains enough to matter there.

Will "Global Climate Change" be acknowledged?


Since the American Constitution contains inspiration from ghawd, will attempts to change its basic nature be addressed?  They were fine with Blacks being counted as 3/5's the value of a White person...  (I'm ashamed that I can't help but want Mexicans to be counted as 4/5's of a White person, but I'm sure you'll excuse my unbridled zeal.)

I don't know what to think regarding women voting . . .

I would have been happy with Dwight David Eisenhower serving as many terms as he could live through!  ...stupid 22nd amendment...

There will be announced that six new temples will be built, all of them on West Temple street, right next to each other.

The building contractors have already been chosen: Holland Construction, Nelson Construction, Oaks Consulting, and Susan's Husband Construction.

This will be called "Temple Row" because, --------> they will all be in a row. Isn't that marvelous?