Posted by:
blackcoatsdaughter
(
)
Date: September 27, 2022 01:05PM
"I no longer feel sorry for them, they jumped on the bandwagon of no return, and are reaping the rewards of their decisions."
That's an interesting take. And most days, I get it. They're still plugged into the Matrix and until they've unplugged themselves, they are agents, a part of that system.
Today I was just sad, that's all. Sad thinking about the hardworking dad who loves Jesus and loves his kids, who works 9-5 then has to come home to bishopric meetings about people's struggles. Their struggles with faith, their struggles with sin. Somewhere inside him, he's gotta dig forth a vast amount of emotional fortitude to offer up his spiritual resilience to others, to give them advice, to punish them, to direct them, and while he's fried from his job, he's gotta be the wise leader and authority to these people, these mostly strangers, he has to be father of his ward. And then meetings with his counselors to organize all the myriad things to run that ward, dictating who gets what jobs, who needs what help, and all this praying, all this contemplation, trying to get direction from his higher power on what the best choices are. And how often does he feel alone? Does he ever kneel by his bed or sit in his church office, hands clasped, and feel an empty echoey hollowness as he tries to feel his answers? Because it IS just him in there. It's his head, his burdens, yet he's gotta resist those acknowledgements, even though there is so much about praying that you don't realize is self-hype and emotional priming. Sometimes if you don't prep right, it can feel like the phone just empty ringing in your ear forever as you wait for pickup.
How often is he able to burden his counselors or his SP about how hard everything is? And he comes home and his son is having trouble in school, maybe being naughty with friends, getting bad grades, and his wife has already tried, has done what she can, and expects him to lay down the law, be the firm voice, the presence of authority in their home. Or maybe their daughter, being a bit too rebellious, acting out because he's just not there. And he makes a brief show of effort because he's got work tomorrow. How inadequate he must feel. The choices and sacrifices he is forced to make. Preaching from the pulpit or hearing GC talks about how he's expected to lead his family too with family home evenings, family scripture study, family ministering, etc. Does he wonder why god would task him with so much, expect so much, and hate himself for not being good enough to get it all done?
I just have great empathy for those who are being crushed under the weight of the church, that's all. And I just wanted to share.
I wasn't smarter or more righteous for leaving and I didn't "get it" because of being better than those who are still trapped.