Recovery Board
: RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
I used to write a lot here. I had to get over 35 years of being a TBM. I did a mission in Tennessee and hundreds of temple sessions. I even met my wife - a true TBM from birth - at a temple wedding. We have have been out for 16 years now. I cannot stress how wonderful life has been for both of us since the first day of those 16 years. Sundays are times we spend with each other and sometimes with those we love taking bike rides along the beach, eating at sunny cafe's, and having a Mai Tai while watching the sun go down. Neither of us feel a tinge of guilt. That alone is a wonderful thing.
Our boys grew up outside the church. The oldest was 12 when we bolted. He's doing great. He's a well rounded, highly successful, hard working man. The other was ten. He has traveled the world now, and is finishing a masters degree. He is brilliant. They both are. We are very proud of them.
They occasionally thank us for getting them out when we did.
And we express our gratitude to each other now and then for getting out of "that thing" we were in.
It's such a distant memory that we can't remember what it all was.
You won't believe how easy it is to forget it all.
Our boys grew up outside the church. The oldest was 12 when we bolted. He's doing great. He's a well rounded, highly successful, hard working man. The other was ten. He has traveled the world now, and is finishing a masters degree. He is brilliant. They both are. We are very proud of them.
They occasionally thank us for getting them out when we did.
And we express our gratitude to each other now and then for getting out of "that thing" we were in.
It's such a distant memory that we can't remember what it all was.
You won't believe how easy it is to forget it all.
Life is going well! Thanks for letting us know.
Mormons do not have excusive rights to happiness or a good life, that's for sure. Life is too short to spend it defending Mormon nonsense or doing Mormon busywork.
Mormons do not have excusive rights to happiness or a good life, that's for sure. Life is too short to spend it defending Mormon nonsense or doing Mormon busywork.
Thank you for the lovely post. What a great result you and your family have enjoyed after your decision to leave. It's good news for others who may be worried about doing the same.
The repetition was what got to me the most. Same old same old every Sunday. That and the complete absence of anything the least inspiring. I also kept wondering when we were going to have a talk about religion or faith or the world or anything other than the well-worn phrase ad infinitum "I know the church is true". I felt very wicked at first for wondering (as a short term so-called convert who misguidedly joined for about one NY minute) when are we going to *learn* something. My experience in non-mo churches was that at least by the time you were rushing home to scarf your Sunday roast beef dinner you had a pearl or two of wisdom tickling your ears from a good rousing and thought-provoking sermon (well, I liked them anyway).
My first negative thought approaching "get me out of here" was when I heard myself telling myself "I can't take this same old same old every Sunday for the rest of my life. It isn't even interesting the first time". I found the whole Mormon thing so confusing and bewildering and unexpectedly dull and demanding (all one way) and unfulfilling.
I feel SO sorry for people whose whole lives revolve around it. As you say re your own family you have found happiness and peace outside the church and have given your sons so much room to grow and succeed without being bored to tears and stifled by outdated and mundane expectations of others who think they know something that just isn't there (or they think that's all there is or like me, are always expecting it around the next corner or after the next meeting because that's what they kept saying was true).
I actually have come to see the degree of magical thinking wrapped up in Mormonism because some members would look at me funny, especially in the temple, waiting for something momentous to occur. Of course, when it did not, that was my fault, in their belief system. As far as I could gather, they didn't teach me any "deep doctrine" because they thought I would learn it in the temple by osmosis or divine workings, or something like that. Instead I was pretty busy thinking what the holy hell is THIS? Learning wasn't even in it.
So, yeah, I didn't enjoy my little Mormon interlude, as I've said often here. It's always fun and hopeful to read about the exits of others, especially BICs, that led to a fuller and more enriching life. And a better future for their children.
Thanks again for the cheery post.
The repetition was what got to me the most. Same old same old every Sunday. That and the complete absence of anything the least inspiring. I also kept wondering when we were going to have a talk about religion or faith or the world or anything other than the well-worn phrase ad infinitum "I know the church is true". I felt very wicked at first for wondering (as a short term so-called convert who misguidedly joined for about one NY minute) when are we going to *learn* something. My experience in non-mo churches was that at least by the time you were rushing home to scarf your Sunday roast beef dinner you had a pearl or two of wisdom tickling your ears from a good rousing and thought-provoking sermon (well, I liked them anyway).
My first negative thought approaching "get me out of here" was when I heard myself telling myself "I can't take this same old same old every Sunday for the rest of my life. It isn't even interesting the first time". I found the whole Mormon thing so confusing and bewildering and unexpectedly dull and demanding (all one way) and unfulfilling.
I feel SO sorry for people whose whole lives revolve around it. As you say re your own family you have found happiness and peace outside the church and have given your sons so much room to grow and succeed without being bored to tears and stifled by outdated and mundane expectations of others who think they know something that just isn't there (or they think that's all there is or like me, are always expecting it around the next corner or after the next meeting because that's what they kept saying was true).
I actually have come to see the degree of magical thinking wrapped up in Mormonism because some members would look at me funny, especially in the temple, waiting for something momentous to occur. Of course, when it did not, that was my fault, in their belief system. As far as I could gather, they didn't teach me any "deep doctrine" because they thought I would learn it in the temple by osmosis or divine workings, or something like that. Instead I was pretty busy thinking what the holy hell is THIS? Learning wasn't even in it.
So, yeah, I didn't enjoy my little Mormon interlude, as I've said often here. It's always fun and hopeful to read about the exits of others, especially BICs, that led to a fuller and more enriching life. And a better future for their children.
Thanks again for the cheery post.
That's what I was going to say (cheery post)
Probably the first post I've seen in eternity
That has something to do with Mormonism.
EXITing it!
Ain't life wonderful? Outside negativity
Probably the first post I've seen in eternity
That has something to do with Mormonism.
EXITing it!
Ain't life wonderful? Outside negativity
"hundreds of temple sessions."
You seem happy in Lucifer's power. Are you sure you don't want to be like the sourpuss guys in the Q15?
You seem happy in Lucifer's power. Are you sure you don't want to be like the sourpuss guys in the Q15?
Bradley... what?
Sarcasm I'm thinking. Against the church.
I only come here to speak evil of the Lord's anointed. The temple scam is a joke, but I am a collector of used tokens. Do you have any for sale?
Don't worry q
They didn't mean anything
You know what I mean lol
Probably someone trying to catch on to some of that happiness and throwing a joke to the side.
Way to ride!
On the high side-
They didn't mean anything
You know what I mean lol
Probably someone trying to catch on to some of that happiness and throwing a joke to the side.
Way to ride!
On the high side-
bradley Wrote: "... Yada yada yada..."
>
> Are you really happy, Bradley, doing Lucifer's preferred magic?
You sure do sound like you want to be just like the sourpuss guys in the Q15. Mean, if you know what I mean.
Sarcasm only works when done right. Keep practicing, but for hells sake, ply your craft at home before bringing it here to the big leagues, the place where all play fair and a foul is a foul. It might save yourself the engagement, as well as the embarrassment, not to mention the compliments wrapped in TNT (totally new taste). Just a nice way of saying "Can't you be a little nicer?"
These are guests here.
I'm one myself. I half too-
>
> Are you really happy, Bradley, doing Lucifer's preferred magic?
You sure do sound like you want to be just like the sourpuss guys in the Q15. Mean, if you know what I mean.
Sarcasm only works when done right. Keep practicing, but for hells sake, ply your craft at home before bringing it here to the big leagues, the place where all play fair and a foul is a foul. It might save yourself the engagement, as well as the embarrassment, not to mention the compliments wrapped in TNT (totally new taste). Just a nice way of saying "Can't you be a little nicer?"
These are guests here.
I'm one myself. I half too-
Sorry about the trigger, you sounded like you were over it. Glad ur out and happy.
Don't worry, your temple covenants are non-binding because they keep changing the contract. And it's BS anyway.
I should be nice. Of course, being nice causes all kinds of other problems so maybe not.
Don't worry, your temple covenants are non-binding because they keep changing the contract. And it's BS anyway.
I should be nice. Of course, being nice causes all kinds of other problems so maybe not.
It's been 11 years since we resigned, and I can relate to this. Although we are surrounded by TBMs, making it difficult to completely forget about them, they no longer bother us. The neighbors we're friends with are actually friends, not Mormon friends. In fact, one lady asked how we managed so well after leaving. Her son is gay and she was getting a divorce and struggling with how she was being treated by members. There seems to be more open minded members than before. I think the internet is making a difference as the church can't hide as much. Anyway, I agree, life is beautiful outside Mormonism and absolutely less stressful without their BS. And, I no longer think of myself as an "ex" Mormon. The Mormon part just doesn't even come to mind.
eternal1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I no longer think
> of myself as an "ex" Mormon. The Mormon part just
> doesn't even come to mind.
This is great!
I never thought of myself as a Mormon at all, being a short-term-rush-to-the-dunk-tank-so-called-convert, so I don't think I've ever once thought or stated that I'm an ex-Mormon.
Because it really seriously did not take with me.
I did have questions and some after-effects from a negative experience and RfM and its folks helped just by being here.
My 100% true statement about Mormonism is that everything I know about Joseph Smith and the religion he spawned I learned at RfM.
Because that thing they tell you about going to the temple, that all will be revealed, just isn't true. I was gullible enough at the time to think that could happen, mostly because absolutely no information was forthcoming at the Sunday meetings so where do they learn their religion I wondered. The knowledge comes when you attend the temple they said. I thought it must be true because everybody said it. When I did attend and it was how it is, you know, not informative (the kindest thing I can say) then you have to at least entertain the notion of mass delusion somehow. Because they're telling you how amazing and fabulous the temple is. But it is not. They insist that it is. So you think you're the odd one out. One day you realize maybe it isn't me!
That's why every time I try to really think about the whole experience on a deeper level, and maybe put it to bed for myself, the image of the naked Emperor comes to mind (as I've mentioned here often) and it makes me laugh, as always, but also feel a bit sad. Not for myself, because I'm thrilled I didn't stick, but for my friends who got me into it and are still in it themselves, as far as I know, and for all the other members I don't know and will never meet who are living lesser lives than they otherwise might, being in the grip of a truly dull and tiny group of religious followers with their own brand of beliefs that are strange to outsiders.
I'm sorry too about all the people who come to RfM and have done so in the many years past who were really deeply and in some ways perhaps irreparably damaged by their experience with Mormonism. Many have to spend years on the outside coming to terms with the negative experiences and all the fallout from leaving, breaches with family, loss of friends, perhaps job changes and other profound effects due to the accident of birth, being born Mormon.
Smith et al have a lot to answer for.
One thing this board can do is provide information to those seeking answers and demonstrate that there is definitely life after Mormonism.
I can't quite imagine what it's like to be BIC, find out about JS and his big lies, and have to unlearn/ignore the Mormon thought-stoppers and find themselves in the non-LDS world which many aren't certain how to navigate. Fortunately, there's a huge scope out here for making one's own way, although it can take much effort. It can be difficult to shed deep programming that started from birth.
It's definitely not easy for many. It's good to have places to interact with others who know what you've been through because they've been there too and can understand what's on your mind.
Life can certainly be beautiful. That is true. That doesn't mean that for most of us it isn't also a struggle. Because no matter what, for most there's always something...
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2023 08:21PM by Nightingale.
-------------------------------------------------------
> I no longer think
> of myself as an "ex" Mormon. The Mormon part just
> doesn't even come to mind.
This is great!
I never thought of myself as a Mormon at all, being a short-term-rush-to-the-dunk-tank-so-called-convert, so I don't think I've ever once thought or stated that I'm an ex-Mormon.
Because it really seriously did not take with me.
I did have questions and some after-effects from a negative experience and RfM and its folks helped just by being here.
My 100% true statement about Mormonism is that everything I know about Joseph Smith and the religion he spawned I learned at RfM.
Because that thing they tell you about going to the temple, that all will be revealed, just isn't true. I was gullible enough at the time to think that could happen, mostly because absolutely no information was forthcoming at the Sunday meetings so where do they learn their religion I wondered. The knowledge comes when you attend the temple they said. I thought it must be true because everybody said it. When I did attend and it was how it is, you know, not informative (the kindest thing I can say) then you have to at least entertain the notion of mass delusion somehow. Because they're telling you how amazing and fabulous the temple is. But it is not. They insist that it is. So you think you're the odd one out. One day you realize maybe it isn't me!
That's why every time I try to really think about the whole experience on a deeper level, and maybe put it to bed for myself, the image of the naked Emperor comes to mind (as I've mentioned here often) and it makes me laugh, as always, but also feel a bit sad. Not for myself, because I'm thrilled I didn't stick, but for my friends who got me into it and are still in it themselves, as far as I know, and for all the other members I don't know and will never meet who are living lesser lives than they otherwise might, being in the grip of a truly dull and tiny group of religious followers with their own brand of beliefs that are strange to outsiders.
I'm sorry too about all the people who come to RfM and have done so in the many years past who were really deeply and in some ways perhaps irreparably damaged by their experience with Mormonism. Many have to spend years on the outside coming to terms with the negative experiences and all the fallout from leaving, breaches with family, loss of friends, perhaps job changes and other profound effects due to the accident of birth, being born Mormon.
Smith et al have a lot to answer for.
One thing this board can do is provide information to those seeking answers and demonstrate that there is definitely life after Mormonism.
I can't quite imagine what it's like to be BIC, find out about JS and his big lies, and have to unlearn/ignore the Mormon thought-stoppers and find themselves in the non-LDS world which many aren't certain how to navigate. Fortunately, there's a huge scope out here for making one's own way, although it can take much effort. It can be difficult to shed deep programming that started from birth.
It's definitely not easy for many. It's good to have places to interact with others who know what you've been through because they've been there too and can understand what's on your mind.
Life can certainly be beautiful. That is true. That doesn't mean that for most of us it isn't also a struggle. Because no matter what, for most there's always something...
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2023 08:21PM by Nightingale.