Make it make sense.

I know LDS women who are treated like princesses by their husbands. This is not about

WHAT is with the large subset of LDS women who feel guilty doing nice things for themselves, taking time for themselves, etc. They make excuses for people who mistreat them and even fawn over them. I've never seen this in such an extreme as I have when I was in the church-women feeling guilty for being anything but a humble servant to anything and anyone, and borderline shaming anyone who isn't on board with that mindset.

On the flip side, I've never seen so many men with inflated self-importance. Don't get me wrong the men where very kind to me, but they had an air of self satisfaction. I grew up with and also have practiced traditional gender roles in marriage, and never saw such extremes, so it can't be blamed on that. No it's something more than that, something I maybe missed not having been BIC.

It all boils down to envy and jealousy of wonderful people such as myself that provides an example to all.

For the women, it's cultural conditioning, and after a while, they buy into it. They feel as if they don't deserve better. Their dopamine rush comes from fulfilling their church role.

I think that cultivating a career can be helpful. It gives women a wider arena in which to find their way and to shine. Plus, there are normally lots of role models.

The church is a woman's enforcement arm. It can apply social pressure to her husband if she rats him out to the bishop or SP. I think Mormon women will put up with a lot to have that backstop.

Wendy tells Rusty what to do with his light pen. I think this is pretty much the pattern now in the devoted LDS members.

Almost all the men I know have checked out or are just along for the ride, not wanting to rock the boat with wife or parents by leaving. Guys go on missions so they can find a wife when they return ( and lately mission presidents are acting like match makers setting up couples).

Incredible peer pressure among Mormon women to have the most devoted families, the most missionaries, the most BYU graduates, a call as Mission President to a prestigious location, the spouse and children with the highest ranking church callings.

On social media it is the women with the pictures of their huge perfect LDS families doing perfect LDS family activities.

Sure there are some Alpha Male -"church as career guys" left, but I think they are in the minority; I don't see men repressing women at church or in the home to a large extent. The repressive types are now in the minority although they are usually the most visible. (Shooting your family tends to attract a lot of attention, but most Mormon guys don't even dare argue with the wife.) If the driving force of LDS women was stifled the church would disappear in a few years.

>Wendy tells Rusty what to do with his light pen.

And your evidence for this is what, exactly. Other than bearing your testimony that you know it is true.

I will admit that she comes across as full of herself, but that is not the same thing as having any real power with the Q15.

Such a fake existence.

So glad to have escaped.

For Mormon women, I agree with summer. They grow up being taught to be sweet and submissive, their place with their eternal families depend on it. My TBM Mom's favorite movie was "Pollyanna" and she loved the Glad Game. I could write pages about how much I hate that movie.

Mormon men grow up hearing about how they have the Priesthood(TM) and are more powerful than those without it. Swollen egos are inevitable.

Plus, Mormonism has a lay clergy; the leaders tend to have zero training and zero clue. The end result is that "faking it 'till you make it" is the norm. Mormonism is a religion perfect for a used car salesman or a self-help scammer.

How well does this work out? My TBM sperm donor was an undiagnosed narcissist who thought we all were his property. My TBM mother would either get in a screaming match with him (ah, Sundays growing up /s) or take it out on us for not living up to the standards she had in mind. She never left him, even though she should have. And she still makes excuses for his worst behavior, glad gaming the whole time.

As a result, I have had to cope with the idea that my sisters and I were only born because sperm donor wanted someone to rule over and my mother wanted the best afterlife. That we weren't seen as real people to our parents.

I've learned to live with it, though.

Yep to all that.

Add that the way they operate strives make the woman dependent so she is basically trapped without means or skills to leave.

Oh, yeah.

The only Mormon women I knew after leaving BYU and Mormonism at the same time, were women working for tech companies, or university faculty women. Neither group contained any martyrs, but I suppose they were not typical Mormons.

As for overly self-important men - that was not universal by any means, but it looked pretty common to me. IMO, it was the Franklin Planner crowd who set Olympic indoor records for self-importance.