I resigned months ago. I received the whole confirmation after too!

Before and during, I told a member I knew and really liked THREE times that she was welcome to invite us out to dinner, but that she wouldn't be seeing me at church. I said this because she kept repeatedly inviting me.

Twice she ignored this..(maybe because I didn't use the word resigned?). Maybe I sound wimpy but it kind of hurt me being shown how little respect she had for my boundaries and wishes! What it really did was show me she liked me as a member not as a person. I finally unfriended her and took her out of my phone understandably.

Yesterday she contacted me AGAIN inviting me to a church event and I may have mildly told her off.

Is this commonplace? I can't believe it's still happening. I really don't appreciate the disrespect.

I'm usually pretty good at deciphering the culty members from the cool ones but it was a fail with this lady!

Most don't listen to your respectful request (they choose to not hear it) yet they flip out if you say- Hey, I will always be a Mormon at heart.

After Monson became prophet, I pissed off the missionaries by stating only Hinckley was a true prophet and that I will forever praise him and only him- I'm not sure we teach that.

I love that line, to have been there to have seen the look.

My final official direct contact from the church with me was when the 13 year old Deacon came by with FO envelope in hand. The bishop had ordered me to pay tithing the week before. I smiled at the Deacon and asked if he could do me a favor, but he was not obligated.

He asked me what. I said, "Give this envelope to your leader and tell him I want him to pass this on to the Bishop. Tell that SOB, that Hell will freeze over before he gets another dime from me again."

The deacon got this sly grin on his face and said, "I will let them know."

I never saw or got a call from anyone again after that.

>>she liked me as a member not as a person

That's the problem. Whether or not you are talking about inactives, home teaching or visiting teaching (aka ministering or whatever), it all revolves around being a Mormon and doing things Mormons expect as a whole. It's not about individual people. You wanted respect as a person. For them, it only comes with Mormon protocol.

So, I suppose that could be this lady's mindset. The whole scenario still begs the question. In what universe would such behavior be considered reasonable or imagined to bring a positive response?

Only in the Mormon universe!

It's the universe where they buy awards and statues completely contrary to reality.

dagny Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Only in the Mormon universe!
>
> It's the universe where they buy awards and
> statues completely contrary to reality.

Apparently, mind-bogglingly, so.

dagny Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >>she liked me as a member not as a person
>
> That's the problem. Whether or not you are talking
> about inactives, home teaching or visiting
> teaching (aka ministering or whatever), it all
> revolves around being a Mormon and doing things
> Mormons expect as a whole. It's not about
> individual people. You wanted respect as a person.
> For them, it only comes with Mormon protocol.

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^. Well put.

Right, and this becomes a real problem when its family. There's no way to tell when my pushy TBM MIL is being genuine or for the sake of the cult. So, we don't give her the benefit of the doubt because, it's always for the sake of the cult.

    "They" think that your spiritual life is in danger and that the fact that you, an Exmo, don't see it is no excuse for them to ignore the need to rescue you.

    What wouldn't you do to rescue someone in grave danger, especially if you knew that your brethren would celebrate with you at the next F&TM...?

    Rescuing people from Satan's grasp isn't easy, but TBMs are willing to go the extra mile ... just for YOU!  And pretty much nothing you can say will deter them from the routine attempts.  But luckily, when you're persistent, they do finally give up, acknowledging that Satan has you firmly in his grasp, and sadly shaking their heads when they gossip about you under the appropriate circumstances.

The church saved me from great peril.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3zoP6qeKmhA

Mormons are not good at being just normal people. They tend to overreact. See for example when one is offered coffee in a restaurant. They can’t manage a simple “no, thanks.”

When you quit the church, they tend either to treat you like you carry typhoid fever, or they become low-grade stalkers. You seem to have gotten one of the latter group. She is absolutely not going to take hints. If you say something that allows any wiggle room at all, she will interpret it as maybe you’ll come back.

Say something with zero wiggle room, and keep repeating it until she stops inviting you to church. Meanwhile, you can invite her to dinner and see how that goes.

"What it really did was show me she liked me as a member not as a person."

COMMENT: Being a member was part, but not necessarily all, of your 'person' that she identified with and that created commonality in the friendship. There may well be members who she didn't like, for a variety of incompatible 'personhood' issues, and non-members she liked because of their overall personhood compatibility.

When friendships between Mormons break up because one party leaves the church it is not always in bad faith of the Mormon. It may be that there just wasn't enough other commonalities left to sustain the friendship.

Moreover, by choice I don't have any Mormon friends. Such friendships do not interest me at this point. If I have that choice, certainly a Mormon acquaintance also has the choice not to have me (or another apostate) as a friend simply because of a lack of common interests. On both parts, such a choice may reflect nothing more sinister than a determination that a continued friendship would no longer be meaningful to either party.

That said, like many here, when I left the Church many years ago, I was shunned on occasion by Mormon acquaintances. Such behavior is judgmental. But that is a different issue.

I appreciate the responses..lots if good points. She actually apoligized after I explain how I felt. She says ahe likes me 100% member or not. I guess we"ll see. It's a tricky thing as one commenter mentioned with some you're treated like the plague or stalked. I've experienced a bit of both.