Posted by:
Human
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Date: May 07, 2023 01:01PM
In a media universe of pap, pap and more pap, the following is endlessly interesting, and as always, the verve & cheek of this fella simply astonishes:
https://samkriss.substack.com/p/in-englands-dreamingSo many snippets to choose from, every word being worthwhile and well placed, but here’s the opening, something we here will recognize:
“About midway through his coronation ceremony, King Charles III was lightly greased with olive oil from Jerusalem, deployed via a special spoon. Nobody knows the actual origin of this special spoon. It was made some time in the twelfth century, for a purpose that is still not entirely clear; by 1349 it had made its way, by unknown means, into the possession of the royal household. We don’t know what they used it for either. But three hundred years later, England briefly experimented with the idea of publicly disassembling its kings along the neck, and all the royal regalia was sold off and melted down—all except this spoon, which was bought by one Kynnersley, formerly Yeoman of the King’s Wardrobe, for twelve shillings. On the Restoration, it was decided that to be crowned King of England, a man must first be daubed with oil from this particular spoon. Every monarch since has undergone the ritual. It is a deeply significant piece of cutlery.”
On hating the monarchy:
“But it’s strangely hard to write that fury now. I’m just not feeling it any more, not really feeling anything, and I’m not alone. British people are not, in fact, embarrassingly devoted to their royals: for the most part, we simply don’t care. The day before Charles’s coronation, one poll revealed that 62% of the country wasn’t particularly bothered about it either way. Surveys usually find that support for the monarchy is highest among old people and much lower among the young, but for adults under 25 the most common position isn’t republicanism, it’s a shrug: don’t know. The monarchy is not worth hating, because there’s nothing there to hate. A soap opera for foreigners, a few dutiful shower curtains, some nice choral music, and a line in chintzy ceremonial plates. That’s all. It barely even exists.”
On Charles *the person*:
“Charles is simply not like the other royals: not like his parents, not like his siblings, not like his sons. A shy, quiet, bookish boy in a family whose literary pretensions don’t extend much further than Horse & Hound. The royals do not, as a rule, read; they are barbarian warlords: illiterates. When Prince William Henry was presented with the second volume of The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, he replied: ‘Another damned thick square book, eh, Mr Gibson? Scribble, scribble, scribble, eh, Mr Gibson?’ But Charles knows how to read, even if his chosen materials leave something to be desired. He was the first person in his family to go to university. He cares about architecture. He cares about organic farming. He cares about the perennial esoteric wisdom concealed beneath all world religions. What usually happens if you drop a nerd like that in the middle of a gang of rugger-playing toffs?”
Finally, how am I to refrain from snipping this foining at American scoffers:
“I started to get deeply annoyed by the way some people would jeer at our stupid pageantry. Americans, mostly, desperate to point at a political system more larpy and lunatic than their own. Look at the Brits, still ruled by hereditary aristocrats—isn’t it pathetic? Like some fantasy kingdom. Like Game of Thrones. Isn’t it out of date? The Nairn-Anderson thesis repeated as a playground insult: you guys are lame. Well, what would you prefer? Should we have some crap president in a suit and tie, notionally elected but basically appointed by the IMF? Should we become another boring republic in a continent full of boring republics? Should we sell off Buckingham Palace to some grasping property developers, so it can be turned into luxury apartments, auctioned off in Singapore? Should we break down that hideous hat, so its three thousand diamonds can adorn a Saudi oil billionaire’s hubcaps instead? Would that be democratic? Would that be more normal? Would that radically change our political situation, or would it make things even more the same than they already are?”
Human, humming “God Save The King”