Without going into details the topic of going into an independent living facility has arisen. Has anyone had experience of parents or family members doing this and how it has worked out? Comments would be appreciated.

I had my eye on a place in Idaho Falls when my mom was possibly going to need assisted living. I still like the place overall.
At some point, it apparently was bought by a corporation that buys up retirement living facilities and then prices went up.

I don't know what is more dangerous between a small privately owned place with little oversight, or a corporate ripoff that is all about profits.

I'm interested in information on this topic too. No one knows what the future might hold. It's best to be informed about trends.

I suspect the experience all depends on the staff at the time, but the staff is something that can fluctuate wildly. Having independent people from the outside check frequently on people and how they are being treated is important.

I was disappointed that the proposal to support more home assistance for the elderly was rejected by the last election cycle. It would have been nice for more people needing help to be able to stay in their homes.

Family member needed a skilled nursing facility for end-of-life (due to terminal illness of limited duration) care.

Chose a locally-owned small place; the owners and staff truly care(d). No way I could have quit work to provide the care. This place was the best option - very glad it was chosen.

[Didn't smell at all like bleach-swabbed urine like the nursing home I visited with my high-school aged friend to meet her grandmother decades earlier.]

All I see in the news is that when the corporations buy up these small places, costs increase and quality of care decreases.

Check your state's registry for inspections, notices, fines. Ask other visitors/family members who you meet in the hallways or parking lot.

I am talking about independent living facilities where care is only offered if and until it is needed. Self contained apartments and "cottages" that eliminate the need for any kind up upkeep responsibility. Even cooking if you chose to eat meals in the restaurant, included in the cost.

My Mom started in assisted living, she then progressed to care. If you can pick a facility that allows for that transition. They then keep the people they have connected with.

For us it worked well. She was just sick of maintaining the house. She cooked her breakfast & lunch and had dinner in the dining room.

My grandmother also lived in a similar facility. She never needed the care side and loved it. Most facilities (in Minnesota) have activities, “field” trips, vans to take you shopping.

Worth every penny.

That is the kind of facility I am asking about. While I am still active and healthy, able to drive, and take trips, all the other upkeep of home and such are becoming tiresome and chores that require paying for someone to do. I turned 85 last week and my wife will be 86 late in the year. Is it better to wait until we need help or to enjoy the freedoms such a facility can offer while we are able to without the pressure of having to do it.

They both went before it was necessary. Their quality of life improved dramatically. Both were long time widows and enjoyed all the social interaction.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2025 06:42PM by sbg.

Kentish: My friend and her husband moved to a place like what you describe a couple of years before he unexpectedly became ill and died quite soon thereafter. She was very relieved to be already moved from their big house so there was no upheaval for her in that regard.

She had always thought he would outlive her as she had some (mild) health issues and he seemed 100% healthy until he ended up with cancer and died within months of the diagnosis.

She gets lunch and dinner provided in a dining room where she enjoys socializing with other residents. She makes her own breakfast in her room. I believe there is a cleaning service included in the cost. I don't know what the fees are but they weren't wealthy people so the cost must be do-able for regular folks. (We're fortunate here in Canada too in that there are some government programs that provide financial assistance even if you're in independent living. Also, she receives a govt pension and likely something from/for her husband, like a widow's pension - maybe. I don't know all the details about pensions).

She's very happy there and her sons are relieved because they know she is OK.

I think there is an option to increase one's level of care as needed.

It seems like a good plan for those who can afford it and are thinking ahead, and realistically.

You will likely enjoy not having major household chores and nothing to do outside. It's a bonus too if the facility offers graded levels of care so that as time goes by if you need more assistance you don't have to move but can be looked after where you already are.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2025 06:48PM by Nightingale.

At a local facility that has independent living, you pay extra for things like cleaning and laundry service. I think if you are a very social person, you might enjoy it.

My neighbor across the hall is in her early 90s. She is aging in place. She has cleaners that come in periodically, and an aide to assist her a few mornings a week (she's mentioned in particular that it has become hard for her to change the bed linens.) She no longer drives, but gets grocery delivery from one of the services, and whatever else she needs from Amazon. She seems content with how things are going.

So I think it's an individual decision. It's nice to have options.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2025 04:39PM by summer.

Just such a place Nightingale. A large part of the cosy will.come f rd on the sale of pur home. A family member has developed a spread sheet showing how many years it will last if invested etc. He has used low averages on that and a higher than typical rate of increased for the facility. If anything happened to either of us there are options to go from the self contained cottage we are looking at to a 2 bed apartment or a one bed which would reduce the monthly outlay. It is a major decision. Far more worrisome that arriving jobless in Canada with a wife and two children under 5 and $1800 Canadians in my pocket and my world's possession in three suitcases, and not knowing where we would sleep that night. At 27 it was an adventure and I was young with options. 85 reduces those a bit.

Your story is like my dad's, Kentish. He left England to arrive in New York and then eventually on into Canada, leaving a young child and a pregnant wife (expecting me) behind. He didn't meet me until I was 3 years old. Yes, it was both an adventure and a necessity due to economics. I could wish we had known our extended family better but I've always been perfectly happy to live in Canada.

It sounds like you are getting good help with making your decision. It's a gigantic one but all I can say is that my good friends were thrilled with their choices to downsize while they were healthy. Good thing for my friend as her husband did unexpectedly become ill with terminal Ca quite soon after their move and she is now on her own, with her own health issues. It would have been very tough on her to move from a big house and to do all the business that entails without her hubby who looked after all those types of tasks. Thankfully, she has two helpful sons but it would still have been a huge endeavour without her helpful hubby and in the midst of enormous grief.

Much better to downsize while you can and get everything sorted so you can relax and know that whoever is the last one standing will be OK.

Good luck with your decision and I hope it works out really well for you all.

This is a very helpful and interesting discussion. I find myself starting to consider my options as well. I have health issues. I bought a long-term care policy years ago with an inflation rider that has increased the monthly benefit substantially.

Let's keep this discussion going and keep getting input! It's great!

Most cities have independent living facilities and it is a simple matter to set an appointment and to enjoy a lunch to sample the food offerings. Pets are welcome. I suggest a visit to see what they are about.

My mother in law went into an assisted living facility here as she slipped into Alzheimers. It was new and very nice for the limited time she was there.