Hi everyone, this was the first place I came and told anyone about my doubts of mormonism and the beginning of my disbelief (you can search my old posts, same account). This forum just came up when I did a search and was a great landing place for me (thank you!). I pretty quickly switched to the exmormon Reddit when I found out it existed since I was enmeshed in Reddit already and it was just easier for me to interact and post there.

I remember coming to this forum feeling excited and intensely afraid, like I was just about to go bungee jumping or something. I remember one commenter really tore me apart and dug into me about ruining my wife's life (thankfully, it looks like those comments were deleted at some point on my original posts). But mostly, I remember very kind people (and after reading through my post, confirmed) saying very kind and helpful things. So thank you for that.

In my first posts here, my wife was just a little upset about me leaving. Some people said something like, "it's not over yet bud" and you were so right. The anger and fury that came out of my wife later on was so shocking and depressing. I had to learn to set boundaries, not be walked on, be kind without attacking, and learn to respect myself.

She didn't care much when a few months later I decided to stop wearing garments but she threatened divorce when I started drinking coffee a couple years later. There was so much to think about and I got therapy. Therapists are not all created equal, I'm sure some of you are well aware! I've been to about 4 different ones and gained some good things from each. I took her threat seriously and spoke to a lawyer and that brought a lot of peace to my mind if it did end in divorce.

There are lots of details involved with everything I'm saying here but just to keep it more general and short, she was using divorce and tantrums as control tactics and I had to set some boundaries to stop that.

Fast forward a few years, we have three kids. I do attend church with my wife and kids still. I know it's a terrible place for kids but anyone in a mixed faith marriage will know how hard it is to navigate these things. We both strongly agree that the kids should never have interviews without us present, we both only want them to get baptized if they really want to, no pressure from my wife at all, and I spend the second hour sitting in on their classes to observe.

We only really end up going to church about every other week on average. Wife doesn't want callings, we don't pay tithing (wife also doesn't like how the church hoardes so much money), she doesn't pray or read scriptures or evangelize to us, i.e., it's not too bad overall.

I decided years ago that it was a deal breaker if I had to hide my beliefs so I am an open atheist (though I try not to "evangelize" either). I've had many conversations with my kids about how I don't believe in God, my wife is aware, and we make it work. My oldest son has told me he believes in Jesus, then weeks later he'll tell me that he doesn't believe in Jesus or God, then the other day we were talking about Roman Gods and he said he wants to believe in Jupiter now lol. I just say, "OK buddy." So it's a pretty open household.

We don't have any pressure from our families to be mormon, thankfully. Her entire family left mormonism years ago, my entire family, except for my Mom and sister have left and they are not controlling at all. It's a very live and let live situation. I do hope that my wife will see the truth one day but it's not so bad of a situation currently. She doesn't try to convert me back so I let her be for the most part with her beliefs too.

Mostly, I enjoy life and I'm comfortable and happy. There are very hard days still but not too many thankfully.

Anyway, I thought of this forum and was feeling a bit nostalgic and wanted to check in and chat if you want to. Hope you're all doing well and I hope your recovery goes better every year. It's a lifelong process.

Tell your son I'm a follower of the Roman God Bacchus.

That's a fun one ha ha

I liked reading your story. Every road is different when heading out of Mormonism. You showed so much restraint and handled things like a world class Secretary of State I"d say. So glad it worked out for you. Live and let live. That is a nice example to show your children.

All I wanted from my family was respect for my decisions as I respected theirs. I sort of got it and that was enough.

Thanks for the compliment. I'm glad you got that.

Tell your son I believe in ‘God’ as in ‘God Particle’.

I believe in Einstein’s god, nature.

But I believe god, does play dice all the time, only she throws them where we can’t see them, in her black hole.

Where the dice are rolling on a quantum level, constantly.

When the dice (energy) radiates out of the black hole singularity god, (Higgs Boson, aka God Particle) slows it down to The Cosmological Constant (c^2) and collapses the wave function into a particle, mass (m).

M=E/c^2
E=mc^2

God is the singularity

we all came from

And are destined to return to



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/20/2025 02:05PM by schrodingerscat.

Thanks for letting us know how things are going for you. It's always great to hear from old posters. I do remember your name here.

It sounds like you have worked things out so your family can function. I like that you don't have to lie or pay money!

I wouldn't be surprised if your wife slowly fades away from the church. She's seen that the church isn't really "the family church" she was taught because so many have left. She doesn't feel the guilt about tithing which is great.

I don't know exactly what she is getting from the church. They probably treat her like crap because she has an apostate spouse. Maybe she gets some social needs met there.
If she is a reader, curious, or has any inkling of being second class as a female, women's issues may still impact her. Just seeing a picture of the GAs with zero women pointed out to her can begin to wake her up. You never know. It took me 10 years or so.

No matter what she does in the future, congratulations of making things work.

Yes, tithing is another deal breaker for me, and thankfully my spouse is on board. Not one more cent to their stock portfolio.

I hope she slowly fades out of it too and even I don't understand what she gets out of it (she doesn't either, she has admitted). But she clings to it for dear life it seems.

My best guess so far is that she is a very loyal person. She had very intimate friendships with ward members and leaders growing up and to leave the church probably feels like abandoning them to her. She's active with them on Facebook still.

She has never read the book of mormon, doesn't know the doctrine hardly at all, and barely prays. But she's always been that way even when I was a studious believer.

I am very sure that the thing that will get her out of there one day is an overbearing bishop or mean ward members. Thankfully (or not, lol) our ward respects our privacy, doesn't intrude, or treat her badly. I honestly think members are playing it safe nowadays because of the hemorrhaging of members. They can't afford to be choosy anymore and they know it.

Thanks for your comments :)

I think I would be very pissed if a spouse confided to the bishop about me in any way. A bishop asking about my spouse's "morality" would be an intrusion into my marriage. There was a time when they asked my husband if it was OK for me to take a calling. Thankfully you agree that your kids should not be interviewed.

I guess I'm hoping your wife doesn't use church friends to talk about you. They would go straight to the bishop.

So far so good!

Thanks for checking in. I'm glad to learn that life is going relatively well for you. I attended meetings and went through the motions for a long time before my spouse finally realized what was happening. They told him they were grooming him for a position in leadership--even the high council etc. Yeah, sure. My kids didn't like church--they were both smart enough to figure it out at a young age.

I drew the line at temple attendance. I had gone one last time and realized how like sheep the members were, and then the guy at the veil pulled me to him with my breasts against him and that was it. (He gave me a sheepish grin after--he knew what he was doing.)

Good luck to you and your family.

Re your temple experience: Ick

I'm so glad that you checked in, Nuponupo. It sounds like you've found reasonable accommodations that work for everyone.

>I pretty quickly switched to the exmormon Reddit when I found out it existed since I was enmeshed in Reddit already and it was just easier for me to interact and post there.

Its busier than here but am not fan of social media