Having lived "in the missionfield" (in many different missionfields, actually) and having been active in the church with a husband who was in leadership positions, I was able to observe many mission president's wives up close and personal.

So many of them seemed to be going through the motions, zombie like, dazed, putting on a good face.

I've come to realize that many of them (not all) are just following their husbands--husbands whose goal in life was to become a mission president. Never mind the home they have to leave, all the grandchildren, the children who still might need advice and counsel from a loving mother. Never mind that the woman might finally have a few years to accomplish her goals now that the children are grown and gone. It's still the husband's "time." And a devoted woman will follow.

Those of you who've been on missions, did you find your "mission mother" to be a little out of it?

My first MP was great, and his wife was just as great. Honest, funny, great with the missionaries. It was a challenge, in that they had a couple of kids still at home who got uprooted and moved.

Second MP was there as a capstone to his church career. Sucked in a major way. His wife hated it. Hated their little house (kitchens in Germany are small compared to the US). Hated the country, could not speak the language, made no effort. Husband was domineering, abusive, condesending. I felt bad for her. Hated him. Still do, 30+ years later.

The wife of my first MP was a piece of work. I was in a mission in the north of Mexico. She refused to eat produce from local grocery stores (which were, even then, a lot like US groceries in that part of Mexico). She made almost weekly day-long excursions to the nearest US border town to buy regular stuff like potatoes.

Fact: Most of the fresh produce like tomatoes and lettuce available in grocery stores in the western US during the off-season came from the part of Mexico where we were living :-)

But seriously -- how does it make a Mexican church member feel to see that the produce they eat every day and export to the US isn't good enough for the MP's wife?

Mission presidents can get crazy about their mission rules. On my mission to the Baltic States (Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia) we were not allowed to eat any food except what we prepared ourselves. All the missionaries in the entire mission had to follow this "food rule", which meant we couldn't even eat the refreshments after a Church meeting if they were prepared by members. Needless to say, there were many offended people and very few baptisms.

for their rules, but usually they do not explain.

My first MP was lived in my home town, and was a professor at YBU. He was cool, fun loving, a great leader. His children were all grown. His wife was an angel. She would make these wonderful puddings, cakes, desserts for the missionaries who baptized the most. Very nice atmosphere in the mission.

My 2nd MP was a mo fo. I hated him with every "fiber of my being" to use his phraselogy. The 78 year old jerk was a control freak. He looked for any minor infractions that he could yell at you about. I remember him yelling at us in a leadership meetings, frothing at the mouth, pounding the pulpit, etc. He was like a mini-hitler. One time, I interviewed woman who had had an abortion. Without flinching I asked the rest of the questions, and concluded with, okay, well "just one more step before baptism...you get to meet our MP." Turns out she was in love with the mishey who taught her, and she panicked and said, "wait a minute, elder so and so, didn't say anything about this..it's because of the abortion." I said, "no no no..all is well. This is just routine." Anyway, this mo fo of a MP targeted me in the leadership meeting, tried to embarrass me implying that I was unempathetic to her...blah blah blah. His wife was a foot taller than he, and set their glaring at me on the stand. She was a cold callous woman.

Yes. My mission "mommy" was in fact a zombie. I believe that she had daily make-up sessions to hide the rotting of her flesh and was given our missionary brains to feed on. What gave her away though was her eyes. Look into them, and you could see that she was just a meat puppet without a soul.

The phenomenon of "Mission Presidents' Wives" has always had a morbid fascination for me. I never 'served' a mission, but have lived 'in the mission field' all my life. They are the first line of defense when missionaries get sick, and the missionaries' first contact when this happens. I have never known one with even a modicum of medical training, yet they dispense advice to these kids as though it comes from On High. In this mission, the first advice always seems to be "gargle with salt and baking soda," which can't do the kids any harm; but it seldom does any good either, and often postpones the beginning of proper medical treatment.

I used to try to intervene, but these poor kids all seem to think that Sister MP has some kind of conduit to God and that her advice is all they need. Frustrating, or what?

They were both engaged to the point of being very annoying.

I've seen three in action:

My first MP's wife stayed in the background and I have no idea what she did all day. When she showed up, she was the smiling wife in the shadows. But she didn't show up much. There were stories from the first part of their tour of duty that she would make surprise inspections of missionary apartments and bust the chops of the missionaries. But by the time I got there she didn't seem to do anything.

My second MP's wife was a real take charge lady. It seemed she saw herself as at least co-president. And the MP didn't try to stop it that's for sure. I stayed away from her - probably never had more than a 30 second conversation with her the whole time. In zone conference she would give long lessons - apparently she had taught gospel doctrine for over 20 years and she would just get going. Sadly, that was usually the best part of zone conference.

The other one I've seen in action is my Mom. She was involved with the missionaries as much as my Dad. She particularly helped with health issues, and problems with companions getting along. Dad could not have done it without her, but she knew her place was as second banana. And yes missing those years with her grandkids was very hard. They must have done somethings right because many of their missionaries stayed in touch and would come to see them all the time. I can't relate - I never wanted to see either of my MP's again.

We changed presidents the last 6 months of my mission. The first MPs wife was much more involved than the second. She spoke fluent Spanish and was very outgoing and a strong person in general. She came from a family of doctors and, though she had no medical training herself, she knew more than the ordinary mom so you could go to her for advice about the small stuff. When my companion went nuts a few months into my mission and had to be sent home, I got to spend the weekend at the mission home until they could reassign me to someone. She knew I'd been through a rough patch so she let me blow off the missionary work and let me read non-mission books and help her with a quilt and just be normal. It probably helped me not go crazy too. She and her husband were pretty sarcastic in a funny way, but it upset some of the missionaries who felt it was inappropriate. She also worried about the missionaries enough to write up a small cookbook of "easy" recipes for each one as a Christmas gift, because she thought the kids weren't eating right. It was too complicated for missionaries to follow, meaning it was harder than "open can - heat in microwave" and no one had the money to buy the ingredients. But it was nice of her to try.

The new mission president's wife was nice but almost non-existent. In her defense, that MP was a quiet guy too but she didn't speak Spanish and spent at least the first 6 months of her service practically hiding, or looking uncomfortable if she had to socialize. And she knew NOTHING about basic health questions that you'd expect a mom of 6 to know. I thought all moms knew the basic things to watch for with a sick kid but she didn't have a clue about anything. Of course, it wasn't her job to be nurse but it still surprised me.

I had a close friend at BYU who I'd lost track of. Recently I learned she is now a MP's wife.

What strikes me is I always thought of my friend as smart and ambitious, but not particularly spiritual, religious, or interested in home and family.

I have no idea whether it was genuine or not. I was stationed in HQ for a few months and saw her everyday. She was always pleasant. She was also a good cook, particularly her banana cream pie.

They were from Arizona and about every other week she'd whip up some Mexican-ish food with ingredients shipped from the US. The fuckwad mission president ALWAYS called burritos "little burros," as if speaking Spanish was wrong. Ah, you'll go to great lengths to eat their food but you refuse to speak their language?" Asshole.

Yanked away from her friends and all that.

I think they also kept her hidden away from the elders and only let her out for meals and church. Can't have her inciting lust or anything.

So he said burro, the Spanish word for donkey, but he refused to use the -ito? I hope he never used the word tornado. Yeesh.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/05/2010 08:03AM by itzpapalotl.

Mission: Oakland, CA 79-81

I spent over one full year in the mission home (right across the street from the Oakland Temple in a very big mansion with a view!!!), I didn't spend that year and a month all at once but over three times being called to the mission home (I was a "mission computer programmer" -- I kid you not). I spent time in the mission home with both presidents and their wives.

First MP: Lindsey Curtis
Wife: I don't recall her name

The mission president and his wife lived in the servants house just next door to the mansion (very small). His wife was so reserved and quiet I don't think I her her speak more than 5 words in a row the whole time I was on my mission. She was completely subservient to the over-the-top-type-A person that was her husband. Interestingly the MP was an OGBYN (is that the correct accronym?) and he was the author of several modest books concerning S-E-X. As missionaries it gave us shudders just thinking about Lindsey and his wife in any kind of intimacy (but who really knows such things, anyway). These books were earned by missionaries as gifts (held in the mission home until the missionaries departure home). Still have my two books -- I still think of Mrs. Curtis when I see those books (and still inwardly shudder). She was creepily shy.

Second MP: Pres. Hansen (can't even remember his first name)
wife: ???? (getting old)

She use to be in the General RS presidency for the church and was an UBER-type-A personality (Pres. Hansen was meek and mild -- and totally managed by his wife). I liked Pres. Hansen but felt sorry that he was so out-matched with his wife. We had an elderly (as in old) Sister Missionary that several years before I went on my mission was on her mission. She didn't have any family to go home to and her house was sold and she just stayed on as the Mission Home cook (Sister Harmsten) and she was great and EVERYONE just loved her -- and what a spread she put out for the Mission Home staff each morning!!! While they both tried really really hard, once Sis Hansen arrived there just wasn't enough room in that giant kitchen for those two women!!! I had some pretty nasty fights with my companions but nothing, NOTHING like the fights Sis. Harmsten and Sis Hansen had in the kitchen (within ear shot of all in the Mission Home). ... Sis. Harmsten -- being lower on the mormon totempole, of course, was the loser. She went "home" to a home that wasn't even there anymore.

There was a great deal of missionary discussion about the Curtis-Hansen role reversals in their mutual relationships (subservient wife/dominant wife).

That's funny.

Since you asked, the acronym is OBGYN for obstetrician-gynecologist.

dimmesdale Wrote:
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> So many of them seemed to be going through the
> motions, zombie like, dazed, putting on a good
> face.
>
When I was AP, I lived with the mission president's family. His wife was exactly like the description above. I think it nearly pushed her over the edge. No wonder, her kids were aged 7-22 when they started, so with teenagers rebelling and little kids needing care, that's a pretty stressful time.

Hugh Pinnock was their backyard neighbor back in Holiday and they were best friends. (I wonder how my MP was picked?) When Hugh would bring his wife with him on assignments, my MP's wife was a different person. She actually came alive about a day before and the glow lasted about 2 days after. Then, it was right back to zombie land.

I visited them a few times after they came home and she seemed completely normal. It was just the mission that was pushing her over the edge. I really felt/feel sorry for her because she really was a nice lady.

my mp's wife was crazy. rich crazy lady who was out of touch with the real world.

I remember my MP's wife giving a talk during multi zone conference about "monastic life in world religions". Basically comparing us to Buddhist or Catholic Monks. It didn't help in my battles against 19 year old raging hormones. I guess I should have done 100 hail maries.