A little bit about me first. I have posted only couple times and I realized I have not introduced myself appropriately.

I am a former missionary that has done the whole resignation process and I am thankful for it. Being relatively young at 25 (soon to be 26, holy hell that is going to be a huge party, if anyone is interested) and quitting the church the week I got home from the mission has made life a lot more fun.It has been almost four years!

Anywhoo, I have mentioned before that I have an adopted sister, that I absolutely adore, she puts up with my antics and misadventures. Also, I have my biological mother that is a straight kick in the pants. Evidently she converted to mormonism when she married her husband, but has since left and their marriage is still good. Small world of people converting and fleeing the MORG. Anyway, this tale of a derailed dinner invloves my wonderful self and my mother and her family.

About me: I drink alot, it is part of the job when you work with deathmetal bands and crazy muscians. I also have several visiable tattoos inculding a old time pinup girl on my arm. I also enjoy making people uncomfortable, especially when they are insulated by religion. Suprisingly I am in good shape and not disfiqured, yet.

Here is how the dinner started. I arrive up to their place in my vehicle and notice there are already people inside and standing around outside. I immeadiately look around for any of the fun family members and come to the shocking realization that it is all the TBM family. I cannot leave because I have already booked the hotel room and besides I wanted to have some fun.

Now, I don't drink and drive, however there might always be some sort of booze container close by. No, disguising the drink this time, I whip out the fifth of Sailor Jerry and step out of the car for a smoke. Boy howdy did all eyes turn towards me and I believe they were trying to call down a rain of fire and brimstone on ye old sinner. Well, this atheist dosen't recongize their sky daddy, so I did what anyone would do. I sauntered up to the porch and let myself in.

The looks on some faces where saying, "Who the hell is this guy?" Mind you, that alot of them have no clue about me and nor do I them. I go and find my mother give her and big hug and her comment to me is," Play nice tonight and for christ's sake put the booze away." Being the great son that I am, I informed her that would be rude and others in the house might like a nip. Gotta admit she was only mildly amused, so I did what she requested.

Time to fast foward to dinner. Sitting around the table was a lot of fun considering I was the only one not dressed up and the only person with a rum and coke. All this time I am being politely ignored, buy hey I am fine with that because I am about to go get the pet African Grey (parrot for those that don't know). The bird is present at the table with me, the damn thing likes me so I have to oblige it when I vist. The astonished expersions form as I sit back down with the bird on my shoulder his name is Jack has Three Nipples(I bought Him so I got to name him) I call him Tits.

Just a few seconds passed before one of the kids (mother's husband) flipped his shit and started yelling at me. Calling me all sorts of degrading names like loser, fluffer (I don't think he know's what that is) and unaccomplished misfit. Now, remember Tits is on my shoulder, the damn bird goes berserk, launches into the middle of the table and starts attacking the kid that is yelling. All the while the rest of the dinner guests are screaming only causing Tits to go completely batshit insane, I am trying to get him with out being horribly hurt in the process. Finally I wrangle him up, with out too many cuts and get him back into his home.

Yeah, I might have ruined the dinner but it isn't over yet. Having the great mother that I do she wanted to make sure I was compeletly sober before I drove off, so I hung around a little bit. Some of the other guests were staying at the house and had no were else to go. Man, did they try to stay away from me but they failed.

To end this long story, the dude that was yelling continued to berate me, thinking that since the bird was gone nothing would happen. Well I was polite and informed him that he is going to school, has two childern under three years and his wife his supporting him all the while paying 10% of the income to a giant fraud of a church. While I am living my life make good money and my girl friend is amazing. I then bore my testimony of the greatness of money and good friends and how I know TSCC in not a church. Then the sonofabitch hit me. Christian values all the way.
Thanks for reading.

Is he a relative of yours? Are you going to press charges?

AND is the bird OK?

Violence is never acceptable.

What does your mother have to say about all this?

K

No, I am not going to press charges. He didn't hit very hard, I just kinda laughed. The bird is great, I got it because he is tough as hell.

I wouldn't call him a relative, he is my mothers husbands son, I am not even sure of his name.

I was 16 at the time. My dad had remarried again this time to an English woman who already had four sons. Three were adults and living in England and one was 12 and living with us. Two of the three came all the way to Utah from England for Thanksgiving to meet their mom's new husband. My four brothers were also there.

The food is served, all the usual stuff including some frozen peas my new stepmother had prepared. One of her adult sons waves the peas off saying he doesn't like them. My dad looks at him, says "Your mother worked hard on those peas and you're going to eat them and be grateful." The guy thinks my dad is joking and laughs. My older brother and I tried to get his attention and were silently shaking our heads. We really tried to tip him off that something bad was about to happen. The guy didn't get the signal. He laughs again and my dad laid into him. All about being immature and ungrateful and he was going to eat those damn peas and like them or he could walk home. I couldn't resist that and at great peril to myself I asked how he could walk home. He lived in England after all. That's a tough trick to pull when starting from Utah. He told me to shut up and stay out of it. So my older brother packed up our two youngest brothers and took them back to their mother's house so they didn't have to witness what came next. When we returned the police were there. The altercation had become so loud the neighbors called the police. Ah, family memories.

No talk about the starving kids in Africa?

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/04/2010 09:59AM by DNA.

You'd think this adult son's own mother would know that.

Your dad acted like an asshat when he was supposed to be the HOST to his visiting ADULT step-sons.

What metal bands do you work with? If you don't mind.

Reading this post made me think that you're a immature douchebag.
Am I the only one?

Yes I will agree with that Pennsylvania. This kid need a good kick in the pants from the next adult he comes to and it might as well be a TBM as not.
Their not always wrong it seems.

PennsylvaniaIdiot Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Reading this post made me think that you're a
> immature douchebag.
> Am I the only one?

Huh? but to each his own... I think the guy that sort-of hit "D" is the one that is immature with self esteem issues. In my book, no man with any self-respect, would mooch off his wife like that.

Keep it up "D" and you will have yourself surrounded by people that actually like you and accept you for who you are instead of a bunch of fakes.

PennsylvaniaIdiot Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Reading this post made me think that you're a
> immature douchebag.
> Am I the only one?

No.You are not. But then as they say, misery loves company.

No, PI, you're not the only one.

great ass story, and you are very well written.

And African Greys are the single greatest species on Planet Earth and will inherit. God Willing.

As much as I love African Greys and reading your story.

I don't believe a word of it.

Hugs and cuddles.

Did I mention that African Greys are God's perfection of critters on Earth. They really are that perfect.

This is my way of getting around Susan's proscription of calling people trolls.

Sounds a bit fantastic. Entertaining to read though.

LOL unfortunately his story is not as outlandish as some people may think.

Some of you clearly have no idea what some TBMs will do when a family member does not conform to their ideas and religion.

Blows from TBM family members happen more often than you may care to dwell on.

Sounds like you had a good time amusing yourself and you’re obviously very proud of your behavior. However, I would imagine that your poor mother was FAR less then amused by your behavior and ANYTHING but proud of her son. Maybe you should think about that the next time you contemplate making trouble in your mother's home.

As much as I dislike Mormonism and all its peripheral nonsense,and seeing as you're too old for the spanking your infantile behavior patently warranted, I think that dude gave you exactly what you deserved.

How horrible to find it amusing to deliberately antagonize her guests in her home.

Also, I find it a bit of a "flag" that the OP said something about always having booze near him. Sounds like a drinking problem to me, especially with the excuse that it's because you work with bands. I'm guessing you like to drink but plenty of people work in that environment and don't have alcohol close at hand where ever they are.

That being said, no one should have been hitting someone else. That's what toddlers do because they can't verbalize their frustrations. It's pretty sad behavior in an adult.

Rebeckah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How horrible to find it amusing to deliberately
> antagonize her guests in her home.
>
> Also, I find it a bit of a "flag" that the OP said
> something about always having booze near him.
> Sounds like a drinking problem to me, especially
> with the excuse that it's because you work with
> bands. I'm guessing you like to drink but plenty
> of people work in that environment and don't have
> alcohol close at hand where ever they are.
>
> That being said, no one should have been hitting
> someone else. That's what toddlers do because they
> can't verbalize their frustrations. It's pretty
> sad behavior in an adult.

I love to have booze near me. Doesn't mean I drink it all the time. ;o))

Shouting and yelling at someone when they have a Grey Bird on their shoulder is NOT a good idea. It clearly upset the bird. But then, it was "righteous Mo anger", so that was OK by him. Idiot.

You're right, you don't cause a fuss near a strange animal and if they get agitated you stop -- that's basic common sense. And, of course, we know many Mormons don't do basic common sense.

However, YOU were pushing rudeness from start to finish -- and that was VERY rude to your poor mother. It was her house and her dinner party. Were you trying to "punish" her for not warning you it was going to be a house full of Mormons or something? Because there is no way your behavior didn't cause her great embarrassment and stress. That's hardly a loving way for a child to behave towards their mother.

And I'm not saying you're an alcoholic -- I'm not qualified to determine such things and even if I were I wouldn't do it over the internet with someone I've never met. However YOU might want to honestly evaluate whether or not you are. If you like to have alcohol "near" you, whether you drink or not, it sounds like alcohol has become a security blanket to you. That said, it's your life and I'm sure you'll do whatever you want with it. I'm just giving you some of that worthless, free advice that's so prevalent online.

Yeah, I got in a bit of trouble and it was well desevered, I will admit that much.

Not, invited to family gatherings for a while and I can understand this. Yes, I am a bit of a dick, however I was not intending for the guy to hit me. I held back because I didn't feel like going to jail again.

For everyone that thinks I have a drinking problem, all I have to say is work hard and play hard.

You guys are great and don't worry I am not offended easily.

I would have rocked his world. Probably would have gone to jail myself. haha.

Oh, and I don't believe this story for a minute... at least not in the form it is presented. It is either completely exaggerated or fabricated at parts.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/04/2010 02:02AM by silhouette.

Have you any 'proof' of this remarkable story or was it an inspired version? (pass the hat & stone Ma I think I can translate this Jack Daniels label...)

The thing is - I actually want to believe it!

Great tale

Jon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Have you any 'proof' of this remarkable story or
> was it an inspired version? (pass the hat & stone
> Ma I think I can translate this Jack Daniels
> label...)
>
> The thing is - I actually want to believe it!
>
> Great tale

What proof do any of us have on this board?

Maybe some bird sh!t n his shoulder? ;o))

LMAO - quality comment, pure genius

Seriously?

You must work with some big names.

Sure the guy was a bit of a dick, and it's not what I'd do, but I'd take two of him at a dinner over one totally conforming kiss ass.

I think the world would be a better place with more immature douchebags, and less of the conforming kiss asses that don't question authority and keep sweet.

Some have a higher tolerance for nonconformists, and some have less tolerance. While I wouldn't have acted as he did, he's the one I would have gravitated to at the dinner had I been invited; douchebag and all.

...but if you're wearing one on your shoulder with a bunch of stuffy TBM's? I says yer lookin' to get some friction. Live and let live is one thing, but why push it by being a "bit of a dick"? Still an amusing story; it would be funny as h*ll in a movie.

"Jack Has Three Nipples." Tits seems like an appropriate nickname. Anyway, sorry if you got hit, but it was an amuzing story. You'd fit right in with my never-mo family. They, like you, are shit disturbers. Mormons need their shit disturbed every now and then. And yes, you kinda did fuck up your moms dinner, but you know....whatever.

Birds don't have nipples. No breast feeding for those animals.

We all know that only mammals have nipples, I hope!

which makes the WHOLE story suspect.... AND... putting a bird on your shoulder with people at a table eating is not kosher.... i would not put up with it.... my sis has a quaker and the bird shed and craps.... wherever and whenever it wants.... no birds should not be at the dinner table..... HMMMM this whole story is kinda.... batty!!

... the identifying characteristic of a "mammal" would be ... ma - mamm - mammory glands!

As far as the story goes, I'm inclined to believe it. Something does smell fishy, however, but I don't think its the parrot!

Timothy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/04/2010 01:24PM by Timothy.

yeah you could have been smelling the crab i sell!! :)

bignevermo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> yeah you could have been smelling the crab i
> sell!! :)

If they're Maryland blue please send some my way! Yum!

What the hell, I'll believe your story D the non-religious. I don't think your douchebag either. If you really did quit the church a week after you got home you've probably been treated like crap, and its just a little bit of karma right?

Anyways the story is a stretch but I've heard crazy stories. It could happen. You down played the punch in your post, and didn't make a big deal of it. Most people would have made a bigger deal of a guy hitting them. Like I said I'm not seeing a reason to call you a dousche.

I believe that entire story. Details from crazy family get togethers are never retold in the best of ways.

D, sounds like you and I could party pretty fucking hard together. jail and all.. HaHaHa!