I was here about a year ago and some of you helped me through some tough things in my marriage to a Mormon. I'm a nevermo and cannot for the life of me figure out why I married this hypocrite.

Last year, I had myself a garmie-roast. I burned almost all of hubby's garments. Since then, he quit wearing garments and quit attending the church. He even asked me to help him write a letter to the church. He didn't say specifically what he wanted it to say but he implied that he intended to request his name be removed from church records. However, any time that I was ready to help him write that letter, it was "not a good time" to work on it.

Even though his family is TBM, it seemed like he had really put the church on the back burner. But all of a sudden, he has started talking about the church again and I am worried. He claims that he never asked me to help him write any letter. I don't think he would know how to tell the truth if he was given a script!

We've only been married 14 months and I am ready to throw in the towel. Is it too much for me to hope that he will give up moronism for good?

Thanks in advance for any friendly advice you have to offer.

Your husband seems to be surprisingly on the edge when it comes to leaving Mormonism, however I think he still thinks its true (or might be true).

How much real research has he done on Mormonism and it's real history?

I was as TBM as one could be and it wasn't until I studied outside of the church approved faith promoting literature that I discovered how wacky and NOT "true" the LDS church really is and resigned from the church. Mormonism has changed so much that Mormons today would not even recognize Mormonism from the past, however the LDS church has done a spectacular job of censoring and changing its shady history to keep it's people in the dark and to the truth and hence they continue to believe.

It's clear when you learn the real history that the Mormon prophets were NOT inspired men of god and that the claims of Mormonism fall flat on its face.

I suggest you have your husband read some of the real history and if he is willing to do so and takes the time to a THOROUGH study of the church's origins, then his belief will QUICKLY crumble and he would no longer believe.

I recommend www.mormonthink.com first. I might print some of the pages off and leave them lying around the house for him to puruse. Then if he's read enough of www.mormonthink.com, have him read www.utlm.org, and lastly this website.

Belief is a powerful thing, and until he STOPS believing in the claims of Mormonism, he will never fully let it go.

until you figure this out.

you wrote: "He claims that he never asked me to help him write any letter. I don't think he would know how to tell the truth if he was given a script!"

People who try to revise history can drive you crazy. That's actually a common thing for abusive partners to do--it messes with YOUR sense of reality and if they can do that they have the power in the relationship. I guess it's also possible that he's very forgetful, but you'd know better than me.

"We've only been married 14 months and I am ready to throw in the towel. Is it too much for me to hope that he will give up moronism for good?"

I wouldn't count on it. I'd look at the relationship as a whole. Is the problem with pretending or lying common with him? If so, leaving Mormonism probably won't fix that. it's a separate issue, and in my opinion it's a lot more serious than somebody believing in weird things (like golden plates).

My husband is a compulsive liar. He will never change reguardless of how many times he tells me he will change. Every lie seems to get easier,and easier to convince other people he isn't lying. He's got it down to a science. Don't expect him to change.

"I don't think he would know how to tell the truth if he was given a script"! Something like that about dealing with another person a red flag goes up.

My ex husband did stuff like that, re-wrote history and it always worked that my memory or recall was not correct his was.

Anyway they say narcissist personality disordered people are rare but seem like a common problem with cult members.

Try reading up on it and see if that what you're dealing with?

I second the advice to practice VERY safe birth control. The only person who really knows if this marriage will work and make you happy is you. Have you gone to counseling together? Are you friends? Do you feel accepted and loved by your husband despite your differences? These are things for you to ponder and then it is up to you to follow what your heart and head is telling you to do. Either way, I wish you happiness.

Lying is the symptom, mormonism is the disease.

Thanks so much to everyone for the advice.

I PROMISE not to have kids with him. :-) I already have 2 of my own (they live with their dad) and he has 5. He had a vasectomy shortly before we were married. (I didn't know mormons were "allowed" to do that.)

My first husband was a narcissist. Whenever I start to think this one might be a narcissist too, I wonder how likely it is that I would happen to marry TWO when it seems to be such a rare thing. My first husband had me convinced that I was "crazy". 3 years of being single made me realize I wasn't. Now I find myself wondering again...

To loveskids: How do you deal with your hubby being a compulsive liar? Do you just learn to let things go? I don't know if I can do that.

Again, thanks to everyone for the friendly advice. I appreciate it.

He has issues, real issues. I can't imagine anyone that's BIC not having issues.

sounds fishy:

It's a long story about why my kids live with their dad, but in a nutshell, his live-in girlfriend (now out of the picture) decided SHE wanted my kids and would stop at nothing to get them. She convinced my ex that I was stalking her and that I was dangerous. She convinced my children that I wanted to kill them in their sleep. After $11000 I could no longer afford legal representation and didn't have a lawyer in court. GF had my children so terrified that they testified in court they wanted to live with dad. I thought I couldn't lose because ex has been arrested for domestic violence. Despite that, the judge awarded custody to him. She said the ONLY reason was because that's what the kids wanted.

It was a horrible, painful, debilitating ordeal. Without money, I was completely defenseless. I also refused to lie in court because it is against my morals. (I could have accused ex of abusing the kids or molesting them and easily won.) Ex had no problem lying in court. I was devastated. That's when hubby #2 came along and pulled me out of my funk. If I hadn't lost my kids I never would have married him.

On a side note: About a month after ex and GF broke up, she sent me a message asking how I could possibly let my kids live with their dad when I know what an abusive prick he is. That just proves what a vindictive bi-atch she is. Fortunately she left me alone after I had a cop friend of mine pay her a visit.

I cant say much about him lying.

But, I can respond to him being a little wishy washy about the church.

I knew 99% that it was a lie long before I stopped going to church. I kept going 'just in case' I was wrong.

The church, for me anyway, makes you scared to make the final jump.

So give him a little slack for having some trouble cutting the ties completely right now. There is a lot of brainwashing involved that take some people extra time to shed.

I was thinking along what Riverman said.

Half my siblings have been inactive since their teens and I was the perfect little mormon--the one my parents never worried about. Even when my parents died, my younger sister would start preaching to me--and she has been about as NOT MORMON as anyone in our family. (My siblings are 49 and 42--and they went inactive in their teens--gives you an idea of how long they've been hanging on.)

What I found with her and my younger brother is that they were afraid that just MAYBE it was true. I said just recently on this board that my younger brother told me I finally gave him permission to not believe. Even now--he will still call me sometimes and ask me again "YOU REALLY DON'T BELIEVE--RIGHT?"
Both of them are still a bit fearful of not believing, but as long as I don't believe, I give them hope.

I think your husband is afraid. I think MOST jackmormons are afraid to make that final leap.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/05/2010 01:53PM by cl2.

The longer/earlier the indoctrination, the harder it is to break away.

Okay... But do you all think that the lying has nothing to do with being mormon?

I just found out he's been communicating w/ his ex wife again (not about the children). He has been known to tell her our darkest secrets.

I guess I'd better let go now... it's just so hard and I am heartbroken...

Get out! Get out now! Not only is he going to be hypocritical about this, you are going to find out that he has all kinds of crazy/weird ideas about women. Some of them he probably doesn't even realize that he has. DO NOT go talk to his bishop or LDS social services. They will just help you Work It Out and stay with him. They will not help YOU.

Get out before your finances and other things are to intermingled to sort out, and especially before you have kids!

Why would you want to be married to someone who is either a hypocrite and a liar, or completely crazy.

of your courtship, since I'm betting it was a fairly short one anyway. And in that time ou have learned a number of things about him that are distasteful to you, other than the morg. I think if I were in your shoes I would end it swiftly and take a good amount of time and space to regroup and settle yourself.


Ask yourself this: if you could marry him again tomorrow, would you go through with it or run?