These women are talking about wanting to punch- punch!- women who have easy pregnancies, or easy labors, or lose the weight fast after giving birth.

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a29737519/completely_wrong

One lady says, talking about her sister who had an easy pregnancy, "She did have back labor but still!!!!!! My husband says to look at her not so wonderful marriage as the counterbalance but it's still not FAIR!"

I can't even relate to this thought process AT ALL. When I see a new mother that looks great, I don't want to punch her. The only thought that occurs to me is, "Damn, she looks good! Good for her!"

I really hope this isn't common among women... Is it for LDS women?? I have a cousin who talks like this. She says things like, "Ugh, I just want to kill them!" when talking about small bad things people do. The mindset seems strange to me.

That this woman probably hasn't thought through what she is saying...because she's pregnant.(eeeeewwwww, now that was kind os sexist of me. 8^))

That being said, I remember when I was working at a large call center when I was younger. There was a very pregnant woman sitting across from me taking a call. She suddenly stands up and says

"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!"
and then starts tearing into the other person on the line screaming so loud that the enter call center could hear her. She then hangs up the phone and starts crying.
"Well, I probably just lost this job."

Actually though, they didn't fire her (considering she was about 8 months or so along, and the company may have had tons of liability and lawsuits if they had)

It was pretty entertaining though.

or BELIEVING such.
Note the verbiage: "It's not FAIR!"
For these women, having babies is not a choice, it's an order.
If they were freely choosing to have babies, they'd know that it was their choice to go through labor, etc., and be perfectly willing to make the tradeoff for having a baby! Because they WANT to! Such women are not going to whine about some other woman's easy labor being "not fair".

On Babycenter you are hearing the talk of helpless, disempowered women. And it ain't pretty.

I'm no doctor, but is there some kind of permanent damage done to a woman's body after she gives birth that prevents her from exercising? Or are these women just lazy and jealous that other new moms have put in the hour a day it takes to get back in shape?

I don't even know where to start -- there are so many things wrong with your ignorant assumptions.

Yes, giving birth does permanent damage to a woman's body. In several ways.

..I'm just some guy, y'know? But if giving birth does permanent damage to a woman's body why are there so many fit moms with no problems who haven't had any kind of surgery? Or did you mean to say that giving birth does permanent damage to "some" women?

There are a lot of moms without a loose skin pouch. How did they get rid of it if not through exercise?

We are not just talking about belly fat, kolobian. I believe they are referring to having to have one's vagina stitched back together after vaginal birth.

Creating, carrying and bearing human life, although probably the least exclusive club on planet earth, often wreaks havok on the human body.

Are there some women who have no permanent damage or disfigurement? Sure! But if you find one, be sure to ask her if she pees a little bit every time she sneezes. ;)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/10/2011 05:16PM by elee.

You should check out this website:

http://theshapeofamother.com/

Just so you don't have to be ignorant anymore :p

And yes, all women giving birth have some kind of permanent damage, even if it is not related to their ability to look like a trophy wife.
Breasts are changed forever (some women describe them as deflated balloons).
Vagina is changed forever.
The tearing (or incision) required by childbirth is permanent damage, whether it is stitched or heals naturally -- the damage/scar is always there.
Hips/pelvis widen permanently.
Sometimes there is other damage involving the bladder or other structures being dislodged from the abdominal wall.
Of course, this list could go on forever...
You do not understand the lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion most new mothers go through.
I can only say that I hope you do not have any children, because I cannot for the life of me understand how a new father could stop long enough being enraptured with his new child to cut down that child's mother for not looking like Barbie. Well EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME!!! She just brought a human being into this world at risk to her own life. What have you done lately?

I'm not sure if I want to have kids or not, definitely not right now anyways, but when we do I don't think I'll care whether my girlfriend looks like a Barbie Doll or not.

This seems like a pretty sensitive topic for you and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but my questions are less about scars and hip placement and more about being healthy in general.

The OP was very specific that what these ladies are upset about is that some women lose their baby weight faster than others. My original question was whether childbirth changes a woman's body in such a way that she can't exercise after her initial wounds have healed.

After the stitches have dissolved, and after the scars have healed, is there anything specifically that keeps certain women from being able to exercise?

You are characterizing women as "lazy" if they can't lose weight quickly after having a baby. There are many reasons that someone has a hard time losing weight, ESPECIALLY after having a baby.
And this is NOT a sensitive topic for ME, this is a FEMINIST topic. I've been a "skinny girl" my whole life and I don't have any children! Get it? I'll be you just ASSUMED I was a "fat chick". You are coming across as a judgmental, arrogant a-hole. Why did you even comment on this post? Because you wanted to pass judgment on women you think aren't thin enough, saying they are LAZY. Why do you think it is YOUR place to even comment? Is this some arrogant Mormon Male Hangover you're experiencing?

And oh, man, I get more than my share of sexist crap about that, too, from both genders!

Things like...

[from a woman], "You're so skinny if I looked like you my old man would leave me cuz you ain't got nuthin to hang on to!" The same woman viciously insulted a fat woman with similar sentiments the same day.

[From a self-styled feminist]: "Women like you in your size-zero clothes are responsible for all the eating disorders young girls get!" Shee-yit. Who knew I was so damn influential?

[From a male, in my young -i.e. dating days]: "Too bad you don't look like a REAL woman!" My reply was pretty nasty, not to mention filthy.

NOT patting myself on the back here, but I would never act like this with a fat or overweight person. Why do I have to put up with it still, for being skinny?

WHY do people have to put each other down like this? It ain't just Mormons. Let's face it, it's everybody.

[Rant over... for the moment anyway]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/10/2011 06:53PM by Doxi.

I hated the way I looked! I wished I looked more shapely like other girls.
Once I had a camp counselor (very attractive) who kidded me and called me "skinny". That hurt my feelings then because I was sensitive about it, but years later I realize she meant it as a compliment because "skinny" was the thing all the teenage girls like her wanted to be. At the time, I thought she was being mean.

BadGirl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've been a "skinny girl" my whole life and I don't have any children!

I would ask you out on a date, being that you're a "skinny girl"; but I have to ask why you put it in quotes...?

Me thinks you are possibly a heft girl to carry emotionally, even if you're a "skinny girl" lookswise. Ok, yeah, I'll pass.

;-)

My daughter was lodged up under my rib cage. My rib cage moved out--and it has never moved back--so I can't wear as small of blouses as I did before pregnancy. Even when I got really healthy after their birth, I never fit in the same size of pants. The only way I'll ever be able to is with surgery and I won't "waste" the money. I have stretch marks that are at least 1/2 inch wide that go from above my belly button to my scar from my C-section and halfway around my back. They all popped out in one day at 6 months along like a fan and then GREW bigger.

I used to have a flat stomach. All I had to do was go without a meal and my stomach looked like it was rubbing my back bone. Drove my sisters nuts.

I also have a ventral hernia. It doesn't pop out as much as it used to (under my rib cage). My "xiphoid process" now pokes out instead of in.

I got quite in shape after their birth, but never felt thin enough. I had to get rid of MOST of my clothes at the time--and I had A LOT as I had worked in an office for 8-1/2 years.

So--yes, your body NEVER returns to what it used to be. Those are just a few of the problems I've had with my changes after a twin pregnancy.

judgment of females.
Mind your own damn business. What do you care if somebody's heavy? There are WAY more important things in life to care about. Maybe you are just too young to understand that.

I had a c-section with my first son because he was breech. That was six years ago. I was able to do a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with my next two.

I am just now starting to have pains from the scar tissue from the c-section and it is quite uncomfortable at times. I still get tailbone pain every once in a while too. Now my body from the outside fared okay. No stretch marks! Not sure how because they are genetic in my family. I do have some loose skin on my stomach plus the old c-section scar but it is faded.

I worked out through all three of my pregnancies and gained about 25 to 30 lbs each time. I lost the pregnancy weight fast and I think breastfeeding helped that for me. I have received snarky comments from my SIL about how lucky I am and it's not fair, etc. I have worked really hard to maintain my shape by working out five days a week using weights and doing cardio. My body still is definitely not the same inside and out. I guess I am vain though becaue I am going to get a breast augmentation in about a year.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/10/2011 08:25PM by ginger.

I think a lot of the time it isn't a man's fault that he doesn't understand what pregnancy does to a woman's body. Hell, I didn't understand what it did to a woman's body until I became pregnant. A woman's body post-pregnancy is society's little secret. The media hides it very well and flaunts celebrities who look amazing after giving birth. They airbrush out the stretch marks and any imperfections. I don't think it's just men who have this misperception. It's women, as well. I know I was one of those women.

BadGirl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What do you care if somebody's heavy?


A lot, if I have to carry them emotionally. I can't lift more than 50lbs. I'm too scrawny and weak. So I only go after the super thin women.

;-)

But just for fun, I am stealing the right to comment about the lack of rights you just took from me.

I'm with RJ. Lay eggs.

Yes, there is permanent damage that can only be corrected with surgery. Things like the loose-skin pouch and stretch marks can't be fixed with an hour a day of exercise. Or any exercise. Plus if you have a c-section you can't really even start thoroughly exercising until like a month or two afterwards anyway. If something went wrong with the c-section it may be even longer.

Some ladies get lucky and don't get those problems from pregnancy, most are not so lucky.

On the other hand, the excess weight can more or less be managed with proper diet and exercise both during and after the pregnancy. Yeah, it takes a lot more work once the kid is born but it can be done. A lot of women just get too overwhelmed once baby is born to really put in the work, and understandably so. Mormon women who are plagued with a baker's dozen worth of kids and callings seem to get stuck in this more often than not.

Also, Mormon women are petty and childish as hell. That post doesn't surprise me at all. If I see another woman who has worked hard to maintain her figure after kids I think "dang, she must have busted it. Good for her." Not "OMG how unfair! I hate her!!!!"

Pregnancy forever changes the body. It wouldn't be a problem if women weren't considered sex objects by society, sex can just be enjoyed differently after pregnancy. The fetish for virginity and youth is at the heart of sexism- there is no other endeavor where someone who is young and has no experience is more sought after than people who know what they are doing. It is because objects become less valuable with use, rather than more experienced as people.

Women who want to "punch" women for being conventionally attractive/thinner/whatever are in the midst of some serious self-loathing. I feel sorry for them.

This.

In addition to the above, let's not forget all the various hormonal imbalances, thyroid conditions, etc, that women who have had children are more prone to...those can mess up things like weight nobodies business, and no one ever assumes that a chubby woman has a serious health problem making it hard or impossible to loose weight.

Every time I have lost weight since my fourth child it has caused a chemical imbalance that has put me in the mental hospital. Once there, I am forced to take medication that causes significant weight gain because of increased appetite. The medication also causes my metabalism to slow down. This has happened 11 times. I am now resorting to liposuction, tummy tucks etc. so this won't happen again. I was always able to lose weight after the other 3 pregnancies. I work out daily and watch what I eat. So, you can't always judge the reason why someone isn't able to lose their "baby weight".

Also, my breasts were definitely like deflated balloons so my 2nd husband talked me into implants which is when I started all of this plastic surgery. Eventually the implants had to be removed and I lost both nipples and a lot of breast tissue, so I am in the middle of reconstructive surgery as we speak(This Friday).

I also have to use the ladies room every half an hour since having my kids, so, yes having children has lasting effects.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/10/2011 11:44PM by angeybabey.

Everyone's different and some seem to fare better with childbirth, and it's after effects, better than others. But I promise you this: Anyone who grows, and then shoves, a 6 pound + anything out of their standard issue orifice is going to notice some changes.

+1

I have a TBM friend who just had her 4th and "can't wait" for more becauase she loves pregnancy and childbirth because it's "SO EASY". Yeah ok I admit I hated her a little bit for this because both my pregnancies were horrendous in every way imaginable, including near death with my 2nd. However, I was lucky enough to bounce back super fast and lose baby weight fast with minimal effort (I breast fed which I believe contributes to the weight loss, and just having good genes is a huge factor as well). I didn't get stretch marks either. I will say my boobs are totally destroyed from nursing, which I intend to have surgically corrected someday.

My point is, I feel like the universe balances itself out - my
TBM friend may have perfect easy pregnancies and childbirths
that she enjoys rubbing that fact in my face, but she looks
awful - overweight, unkempt and frumpy.



Could be genes. Could be laziness. You never know.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/11/2011 04:52AM by goldenrule.

They must always appear perfect and indeed they often do! Almost every one of them is skinny and when pregnant look like nothing more than skinny with a bump! After birth they just go back to skinny. One niece does NOT fit the mold (although she still is not chubby by any means). It's a lonely place to be in the Morg world. And all this perfection comes at a high price.

Such pressure breeds jealousy frequently I suppose-even if only admitted by the more honest of them.

notmo

If you wimmins stopped being so lazy with this live birth thing and just layed eggs instead.

Sure it's a lot more attention to the nest and you have to dig in the sand a lot, but the kids develop inside the egg instead of inside your bodies like a common alien about ready to burst its way out tearing up your fun box in the process.

I've always liked the marsupial model, myself.

A certainly hope I never end up single in the land of Zion and have to attempt to date some of these (ex)mormon women...The ones I've met here both Mormon and ex mormon are not that bright.....thanks to the conditioning and the way they were brought up to be blithering idiots in order so they could find their righteous priestholder.....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2011 02:23PM by Susan I/S.