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Posted by: Anonymous User ( )
Date: September 23, 2010 07:04PM

Do you feel like you are a better and stronger individual now that you are not a mormon? How have you changed, and what do you see different in your life? It took 8 months for me to be "deprogrammed" and now I love each new day when I awake and no that I am no longer a momo.

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Posted by: Anonymous User ( )
Date: September 23, 2010 07:04PM


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Posted by: wendell ( )
Date: September 23, 2010 07:08PM

I have never felt so free, so comfortable with myself, or so accepted and loved as I do since I resigned. It was the greatest decision I have ever made. Not one second of regret! I actually expected to have some regret and certainly thought I would feel a void, but I have not.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/23/2010 07:09PM by wendell.

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Posted by: Stunted ( )
Date: September 23, 2010 07:12PM

I chose the name Stunted when I registered with this site several years ago. Even though I was forty years old at the time I still thought of my self as a kid. An emotionally week kid who was too timid and week willed to stand up to much of anything. I couldn't make even the simplest decision without running it through the Mormon filters for approval.

I feel like a new man now. Not only stronger but also more humble if that makes sense. I'm no longer worried about being the God of my own planet some day. I'm just a guy trying to find a bit of happiness here and there where I can. I'm not worried about being an example to the rest of the world, I just focus on loving my children and helping them to find a little joy too.

Stunted(but growing again now)

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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: September 23, 2010 07:12PM

1) I'm more at peace because I don't have a million different things to do - things the church said I should be doing not necessarily things I wanted to do.

2) I'm calmer because I don't have to worry that my family and I aren't living up to some perfect Mormon family ideal.

3) Because I'm not as busy I have time to figure out I am and meet my own specific needs and that makes me stronger because it makes me more real. I act with more confidence because I'm not always second guessing myself.

4) I've learned to stand up for myself and set my boundaries because I had no other choice. It was live a lie or stand up for the truth, even though it was hard. Doing hard things over and over until they become easier and you become confident makes you stranger.

5) Most of all, I'm better because I am happier. Mormonism is SUCH a depressing way to live. It's all work and guilt and being someone you aren't. Now I can enjoy my life. I'm so happy about that.

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Posted by: Anonymous User ( )
Date: September 23, 2010 07:23PM

I was so brainwashed when I left morgue haven/UT that I was terrified that they would find where I escaped to...a totally different state. I was running all over my friends house that night in a different state and was rechecking all the locks on the doors and windows cause I was scared that they would come looking for me. Now as I look back, I can see that it WAS a cult to the letter! I didnt realize that I was so freaked out. Im glad to no longer be in morg central/happy valley. Yes, there is life outside of the cult. It just took me 8 months to realize it.

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 12:37AM

Absolutely!

I used to be the consummate wuss! Always trying to please everyone else (whether God, or the wardmembers or whoever). I also tried never to make waves (not say if something bothered me or if I disagreed with something). I was also terrified of taking risks or making mistakes of any kind (from moral issues to household decision that didn't even really involve a "right or wrong" type of choice).

It was also very important what other people thought of me. I wanted people to think of me as righteous and nice.

Anyway, that was all very disempowering. I was operating out of fear more than anything . . . avoiding making mistakes or avoiding anything that God or other people might not like or might judge me for. I often asked several people for advice and prayed way too much over choices in my life (most of them minor). I was often paralyzed by indecision, especially if I got contradictory advice or if my feelings changed from day to day.

After leaving? Well, people ALREADY disapproved of me, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined! Sometimes it was kind of fun to feel like the Rebel Bad A** instead of the Molly! (okay, those of you who know me can laugh now, because I know I still pretty much a Molly . . . but I'm a MOlly with ATTITUDE)!

I realized that what **I** thought and believed was MUCH more important than what anyone ELSE thought. And that I actually had CHOICES that were truly mine to make. As I was the one who had to live with the decision, I deserved to make the call. I've learned to say NO. I've learn that I don't have to put up with boundary violations (like accepting unsolicited advice or listening to testimonies).


But the absolutely best thing since leaving is that I'm not constantly seeking approval or guidance like a needy little girl. I became an adult.

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Posted by: FreeAtLast ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 03:23AM

Once a person questioning Mormonism - or any other 'spiritual' belief system, for that matter - realizes that no one is coming to the rescue and that no 'magical' deity (i.e., creation of human imagination) provides strength to endure and cope, then one is left with a stark realization: Find a way of adapting and surviving or perish (emotionally, psychologically, and in some extreme cases such as people who have fled the FLDS cult, for example, physically).

One of the many dysfunctional aspects of Morg 'programming' is systematically indoctrinating and conditioning people to believe that they don't have the inner, human strength to endure the 'curve balls' that Life throws at them (sooner or later), including ones that hurt immensely and can result in permanent, unwanted changes (e.g., becoming disabled).

In the Mormon belief system, 'God' gives people 'trials and tribulations' to either chastise or punish them, or 'try' their 'faith'. The corollary belief is that one needs to 'lean on the Lord for strength', which is disempowering. LDS 'solutions' include the standard package: praying, getting blessings, reading scriptures, fasting, attending the temple, etc. They're not solutions, really, just ways of avoiding dealing with difficult realities.

No matter what people believe, there is no 'Lord' providing strength, only a belief - an idea - a thought - that there is such a 'being' or 'force'. The whole thing is psychological. An individual confronted with a very difficult situation COULD think: "What I'm going through is hard, but I can make it! I believe in myself. I have the inner strength to get past this! Despite the pain, I can and will do everything possible to improve the quality of my life." Notice there's no pleading with a 'magical' sky-deity to provide 'blessings', 'promptings of the Holy Ghost', etc.

Mormons HUGELY need to let go of the disempowering belief that they don't have what it takes to deal with 'trials and tribulations', and start believing that they do. Instead of pleading with the LDS deity-idea, 'Heavenly Father', they need to start exercising their brain and using their imagination to creatively solve problems and overcome challenges. They need to develop an inner reservoir of resilience that has deeper and stronger roots in their being/'soul' than their emotions. So much about Mormonism is driven by emotion, which is a large part of why its 'foundation' shifts like sand in the wind.

As we take responsibility for all aspects of our lives, we find that we don't need or seek 'spiritual' buttressing. Through experience, we learn just how powerful we - humans - truly are.

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Posted by: hello ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 04:26AM

Yeah, much more relaxed about everything. Sleeping way better now. More patient. Less obsession, less stress. Way less drama.

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Posted by: koolman2 ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 04:32AM

I am absolutely a better person now. While I was active, I was a very shy and timid young man. My first time blessing the sacrament I actually switched places with someone to put it off until the following week. We switched halfway through the last verse of the hymn.

I believe that I would have grown from that either way, but my point is this: I know now that my life is MY life, nobody else's! God can't help me; family can try, but ultimately it comes down to what I do for myself. Being imprisoned in my own mind is simply not where I want to be. I freed myself from that jail, which happened to include denouncing all faith and declaring myself an individual.

Stronger? Yes, I think so. Whether or not it had anything to do with resigning, however, I can't say.

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Posted by: Nebularry ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 08:24AM


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Posted by: Utahnomo ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 11:09AM

I grew up in the morg, served a mission, married in the temple, and lived with guilt for all the things I "was not" doing my entire life until ten years ago.

Since leaving the morg, and all organized religion, I no longer feel guilty 24/7. I feel empowered and happy and look forward to every new day. I used to wonder why god would not help me in my times of need. I used to agonize about why god allowed so many horrible things to happen to innocent people.

Since leaving I am happy, confident, positive, and I no longer feel like a loser because I am not doing all of the many ridiculous things the morg told me I had to do in order to be happy, that in reality caused me to be miserable and even require the use of antidepressants to deal with the way I felt.

About 4 years ago my youngest son, 15 at the time, and my oldest son were driving on the freeway. Two street racers passed them and as they passed them the car behind cut in front of my son to pass the car in front of him and when he did he clipped the front of my son's car causing them to roll. My youngest son's right hand was severed at the wrist. We spent 14 hours waiting while they did surgery to reattach it then 3 weeks watching them try to save it, then 12 hours while they amputated it because it was just too damaged to survive. I had shared my thoughts and beliefs about church and god with my son for the previous 5 or so years and he believed and felt as I did. So when this happened both his reaction and mine were pretty much the same.

I told him when it happened that life is life and shit happens in life and sometimes really shitty things happen but that is just life. We did not spend one second blaming god or wondering why god allowed this to happen or wondering what we had done to cause god to send this terrible judgment on us, or why god was testing us so severely. We just accepted what happened and moved on. He has never one time complained about his loss. He is happy and positive and can do pretty much anyone with two hands can do. He even drives a motorcycle with a special prosthetic I made for him.

So I would answer with a resounding YES, I am a stronger and better person since leaving the morg and I will NEVER go back to that life limiting soul wrenching guilt ridden life in the morg ever again.

As a side note I should mention that my wife has always been TBM, one of the reasons we are no longer married, and in all her faith when my son was lying in the hospital trying to save his hand she brought in the home teachers to bless him. What a surprise, her god didn't fix my son's hand.

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Posted by: SusieQ#1 ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 01:22PM

I was a convert at a young adult age, married an RM a year later.
I was raised to be a strong, independent woman, capable of taking care of myself. I had a job, lived on my own, and helped support my family.

Strong person? You bet! Always was, always will be.

Mormonism tended to dampen that, and reduced my choices, but it worked for me at the time.
I was a believer in God, Christianity, etc. when I joined. Not much changed.

Leaving the LDS Church was about changing my mind about my choice in religious beliefs, and leaving my adopted tribe. It always takes courage and strength to make a major change of that sort. Taking your power back, learning to be an actualized adult is a self strengthening process.

Religious beliefs are part of the fabric of the human experience throughout the history of humanity. It's the core of most societies, which included most of their traditions around birth, marriage and death, in particular. It's part of governments, schools, social activities, music, dress, traditions, etc.

This is a time, when being agnostic/agnostic (the lack of sure belief in a deity), in the world is becoming slightly more acceptable, but it is still suicide in politics, for instance.

Does growing older, having thousands more experiences naturally make us stronger, (whatever that means)? I think so, yes.

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Posted by: adoylelb ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 02:34PM

Yes, I'm a much stronger person now, and have been off that antidepressant for 8 years, as I no longer needed it to survive. I no longer "endure to the end," instead I make sure I laugh every day, so I don't take everything too seriously. There's also less stress since I get to enjoy Sundays now, as I can do whatever I want instead of wasting 3 hours in church. I don't have the guilt for being an independent woman who could support herself instead of relying on a husband, and there's no more guilt for putting off having children when I couldn't afford the expenses.

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Posted by: SusieQ#1 ( )
Date: September 24, 2010 02:46PM

YES!! Much less stress, easy, relaxed life, much, much more laughter! It's like getting off a Merry-Go-Round that is going faster and faster!

Of course, it helps that I am retired so I don't have the stress of a job.
It's such a much more free life style.

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Posted by: get her done ( )
Date: September 25, 2010 08:07PM

100%.

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Posted by: Jenny ( )
Date: September 25, 2010 08:44PM

My life is focused on living now and living with the people here, now. I accept the hard parts of life and don't gloss over with "god's will" or "it will all be worked out in the eternities". I confront conflicts and find resolution rather than avoiding confrontation and living a live of suppression and non-resolution. In music, if the harmonies avoid dissonance, then you are left with the mundane. Resolution can occur but your song is always, ALWAYS, just one simple step from being over. When dissonance is accepted and embraced, things become interesting to the level of maximum engagement. Bach knew this. Beethoven learned this to an extreme through much life pain. Bartok, one of my childhood favorites knew this and taught it to us kids with his buddy Kodaly. So many great artists have for centuries understood the beauty of living with conflict and tension and how these aspects bring greater life to every moment.

Likewise, so many of us who have embraced life have found that there is no reason to fear opposition, conflict, contention, and passion.

I don't even think about death. I don't fear it. Life now, my people, now, are what matters. I don't live for after-death rewards. Mansions is heaven, eternal families on a planet of my own? Why break my focus on the living with the afterlife carrots? Where is the morality in THAT?

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