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Posted by: Chic in the heart of Moville ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 10:53AM

Here are some of my fav's
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 A bride who is not a virgin should be stoned to death (damn I should have died a long time ago)

Mark 10:1-12 Divorce is strictly forbidden, as is remarriage by divorced persons.

Mark 12:19-22 A widow of a childless man must have sex with the deceased husbands brother until she bears a male heir (eewww)

Leviticus 18:19 married couples are prohibited from having sex during a women's menstrual cycle.

In other passages in Leviticus it also talks about no tattoos, eating pork or shellfish, fortune telling, or touching the skin of a pig....no more football guys.

Okay thats all I can think of right now. I know there are many more so please share ;)

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Posted by: EssexExMo ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 11:21AM

In context, Bom Jacob 2:24 is hilarious - polygamy is an abomination

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Posted by: kolobian ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 11:23AM

(From evilbible.com)

The Torah is VERY errant and contradictive to that of scientific facts. The first book of Genesis alone should be enough to invalidate Judaism to any INTELLIGENT person. Sadly, not only is Judaism still one of the world’s leading religions, but it has spawned the most insane theism (Christianity). The goal of this page is to expose the inaccuracies of the Torah, hence shooting down its divine claim. All the verses shall appear in chronological order. Feel free to copy what ever you wish.

1) The Genesis 1 creation account conflicts with the order of events that are known to science. Genesis 1:1 The earth is created before light and stars, birds and whales before reptiles and insects, and flowering plants before any animals. From science, we know that the true order of events was just the opposite.

2) “And God said, Let there be light” (Genesis 1:3) and “. . .And the evening and the morning were the first day” (Genesis 1 :5), versus “And God said, ‘Let there be light in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night....’ “And God made two lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also… And the evening and morning were the fourth day” (Genesis 1 :14-19). These violates two major facts. Light cannot exist without a sun, and secondly, how can morning be distinguished from evening unless there is a sun and moon? Christians try to claim that god is the light he is referring to yet, considering the context it is quite obvious that the light god is speaking of is the light emitted by the sun. Just another feeble attempt at trying to rationalize such a MAJOR blunder.

3) God spends one-sixth of his entire creative effort (the second day) working on a solid firmament (Genesis 1:6-8). This strange structure, which God calls heaven, is intended to separate the higher waters from the lower waters. This firmament, if it existed, would have been quite an obstacle to our space program.

4) Plants are made on the third day (Genesis 1:11) before there was a sun to drive their photosynthetic processes (Genesis 1:14-19).

5) “And God said, ‘Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind… ‘And the evening and the morning were the third day” (Genesis 1:11-13), versus “And God said, ‘Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life… And God created - great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly… And the evening and the morning were the fifth day” (Genesis 1:20-23). Genesis says that life existed first on the land as plants and later the seas teemed with living creatures. Geological science can prove that the sea teemed with animals and vegetable life long before vegetation and life appeared on land.

6) “And God said, ‘Let the water bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven” (Genesis 1:20). Birds did not emerge from water.

7) "And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, the beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. And God made…every thing that creepth upon the earth after his kind…" (Genesis 1:24-25). Science contends that reptiles were created long before mammals, not simultaneously. While reptiles existed in the Carboniferous Age, mammals did not appear until the close of the Reptilian Age.

8) “So God created man in his own image,...male and female created he them” (Genesis 1:27), and “the evening and the morning were the sixth day” (Genesis 1:31). If Adam was created on the 6th day, approximately 6,000 years ago (Bishop Usher’s calculations), then nobody lived before 4,000 B.C. Prehistoric men would be fictitious. By tracing the genealogy of Jesus back 77 generations to Adam, the third chapter of Luke also supports belief in a very young earth. If each man had lived approximately 100 years, then the world would be no more than 9,684 (7,700 + 1984) years old. If each of Jesus’ ancestors had lived to be 1,000 years old (an age not even reached by Methuselah), the earth would still be only 78,984 (77,000 + 1984) years old, according to creationists.

9) “And to every beast of the earth, and every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so” (Genesis 1:30). Carnivorous beasts and fowl do not eat green herbs, nor were all animals originally herbivores. Simply consider tapeworms, vampire bats, mosquitoes, barracudas, tigers, etc.

10) In Genesis 1, the entire creation takes 6 days (Genesis 1:31), at the end of which the earth and its living things are pretty much as they are today. But we know from modern science that the universe (including the earth and life on earth) evolved slowly over billions of years.

11) In Genesis 2:7 humans are created instantaneously from dust and breath, whereas they actually evolved over millions of years from simpler life forms. Science can in fact trace back human evolution CONCLUSIVELY 3 .2 million years.

12) God makes the animals (Genesis 2:18) and parades them before Adam to see if any would strike his fancy. But none seem to have what it takes to please him. After making the animals, God has Adam name them all. The naming of several million species must have kept Adam busy for a while, why Adam would still have to be living for we haven’t even discovered nor named all the species. Also consider the idea of every living creature being brought to the Middle East, that would have killed many animals due to climatic changes.

13) God curses the serpent, making him crawl on his belly and eat dust (Genesis 3:14). One wonders how he got around before -- by hopping on his tail, perhaps? But snakes don’t eat dust, do they?

14) “There were giants in the earth in those days.” Genesis 6:4 But there is no archaeological evidence for the existence of these giants. Also there is a reference to the “Nephilim” being on the earth. Which is a term used for half angel, half human. Why is there no archaeological evidence for the existence of the Nephilim either?

15) Noah is told to make an ark that is 450 feet long (Genesis 6:14-15). The largest wooden ships ever built were just over 300 feet, and they required diagonal iron strapping for support. Even so, they leaked so badly that they had to be pumped constantly. Are we to believe that Noah, with no shipbuilding knowledge and no shipbuilding tradition to rely upon, was able to construct a wooden ship that was longer than any that has been built since?

16) Whether by twos or by sevens, Noah takes male and female representatives from each species of “every thing that creepeth upon the earth” (Genesis 7:8). Now this must have taken some time, along with expert knowledge of taxonomy, genetics, biogeography, and anatomy. How did Noah manage to collect the endemic species from the New World, Australia, Polynesia, and other remote regions entirely unknown to him? How, once he found them, did he transport them back to his Near Eastern home? How could he tell the male and female beetles (there are more than 500,000 species) apart? How did he know how to care for these new and unfamiliar animals? How did he find the space on the ark? How did he manage to find and care for the hundreds of thousands of parasitic species or the hundreds of thousands of plant species? (Plants are ignored in the Genesis account, but the animals wouldn’t last long if the plants died in the flood.) No, wait, don’t tell me, a miracle happened, millions of them.

17) All of the animals boarded the ark “in the selfsame day” (Genesis 7:13-14). Since there were several million species involved, they must have boarded at a rate of at least 100 per second. How did poor Noah and his family make sure that the correct number of each species entered through the door and then get them all settled into their proper living quarters so efficiently? I wish the airline companies could do as well!

18) The flood covered the highest mountain tops (Mount Everest?) with fifteen cubits to spare (Genesis 7:20). Where did all the water come from? Where did it all go? Why is there no evidence of such a massive flood in the geological record?

19) When the animals left the ark (Genesis 8:19), what would they have eaten? There would have been no plants after the ground had been submerged for nearly a year. What would the carnivores have eaten? Whatever prey they ate would have gone extinct. And how did the New World primates or the Australian marsupials find there way back after the flood subsided?

20) Noah kills the “clean beasts” and burns their dead bodies for God (Genesis 8:20). According to Genesis 7:8 this would have caused the extinction of all “clean” animals since only two of each were taken onto the ark. So why is it that we still have “clean” animals?

21) God is filled with remorse for having drowned his creatures in the flood. He even puts the rainbow in the sky so that whenever the animals see it they will remember God’s promise not to do it again (Genesis 9:13). But rainbows are caused by the nature of light, the refractive index of water, and the shape of raindrops. There were rainbows billions of years before humans existed.

22) “The whole earth was of one language” (Genesis 11:1). But this could not be true, since by this time (around 2400 BCE) there were already many languages, each unintelligible to the others.

23) (Genesis. 11:4) According to the Tower of Babel story, the many human languages were created instantaneously by God (Genesis 11:9) But actually the various languages evolved gradually over long periods of time.

24) (Genesis 14:14) Abram goes into pursuit looking for his captive relative in the city of Dan. The problem here is that the city of Dan did not exist until over 300 years after Moses died. How is it that Abram could enter the city of Dan, when the city did not even exist?

25) Jacob displays his (and God’s) knowledge of biology by having goats copulate while looking at streaked rods. The result is streaked baby goats (Genesis 30:37). The author of Genesis (God?) believed that genetic characteristics of the offspring are determined by what the parents see at the moment of conception. This is a laughable belief. Ask any animal husbandrist.

26) Camels don’t divide the hoof (Leviticus 11:4). This statement is completely moronic for every TEENAGER knows what a “camel toe” and how it used to describe a specific split.

27) The bible says that hares and conies are unclean because they “chew the cud” but do not part the hoof (Leviticus 11:5-6). But hares and coneys are not ruminants and they do not “chew the cud.”

28) Bats are birds to the biblical God (Leviticus 11:13-19 & Deuteronomy 14:11-18).

29) Some birds have four feet (Leviticus 11:20-21).

30) If there is a God, there is one thing we know for sure about him: He really likes insects (particularly beetles). There are more species of insects, by far, than all other species of life on earth. As JBS Haldane said, “he has an inordinate fondness for beetles.” Yet insects are said to have four legs in Leviticus 11:22-23.

31) Unicorns have never existed, yet they are said to in Deuteronomy 33:17.

32) Fiery serpents have NEVER existed yet Numbers 21:6 claims they do and TO THIS DAY STILL inhabit certain cities.

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Posted by: dthenonreligious ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 01:31PM

The Invisible Pink Unicorn has granted me and only me this knowledge. You Sir, are a blasphmer.

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Posted by: RAG ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 11:23AM

Ironically, many people who defend the Bible think that their government has too much power and too many rules.

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Posted by: Jesus Smith ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 01:22PM

Ether 15:31
"And it came to pass that after he [Coriantumr] had smitten off the head of Shiz, that Shiz raised up on his hands and fell; and after that he had struggled for breath, he died."

There's nothing better than some good shiz in the book of mormon.

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Posted by: Makurosu ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 01:36PM

Jeremiah 10:2-4
2 Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.
4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.

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Posted by: AmIDarkNow? ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 01:57PM

BOM 1st Nephi

15 And I did teach my people to abuild buildings, and to bwork in all cmanner of wood, and of diron, and of copper, and of ebrass, and of steel, and of fgold, and of silver, and of precious ores, which were in great abundance.

16 And I, Nephi, did abuild a btemple; and I did construct it after the manner of the temple of cSolomon save it were not built of so many dprecious things; for they were not to be found upon the land, wherefore, it could not be built like unto Solomon’s etemple. But the manner of the construction was like unto the temple of fSolomon; and the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine.

UUUUUMMMMM Yeah.

“Every word had to be correct or we couldn’t proceed”

Uh huh.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 02:32PM

The scripture JS wrote to put emma in a double bind.

D&C 132:54

And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord they God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law.

also56
And again, verily I say, let mine handmaid forgive my servant Joseph his trespasses; and then shall she be forgiven
her trespasses...

Poor Emma. Damned if she did, damned if she didn't.

And then we have astronomy. Heads up ladies, this is all you need to know besides the song twinkle twinkle little star.

Abraham3:13
And he said unto me; This is Shinehah, which is the sun. And he said unto me; Kokob, which is star. And he said unto me; Olea, which is the moon, And he said unto me; Kokaubeam, which signifies stars or all the great lights, which were in the firmament of heaven.

and 16:
...Therefore Kolob is the greatest of all the Kokaubeam that thou has seen, because it is nearest unto me.



And we can't leave out the rules for having all of the women you want. Never mind nobody followed these rule. It was a regular wife swapping party.

D&C 132:61
...if any man espouse a virgin and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and if he espouse the second, and they are virgins, and have bowed to no other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else.
62
And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him ad they are given unto him; therefor is he justified.
63
But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth...
64 (and if the girls don't go for this)
...if any man have a wife, who holds the keys of this power, and he teaches unto her the law of my priesthood, ...then shall she believe and administer unto him, or she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord you God; for I will destroy her...

This is current scripture. You know the stuff we don't know if we teach it or whatever! And never mind all of the contradicting scripture about only having ONE wife. I could write a book about all the crazy stuff in the BOM PoGP and D&C. I'm just not that into it.

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Posted by: derrida ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 04:33PM

Want a co-author?

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 02:37PM

"If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property." --Exodus 21:20-21

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Posted by: upsidedown ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 02:43PM

In the flood God kills everyone and everything on the earth. For no other reason than they were super duper naughty.

Why doesn't God kill just one super naughty person in our day? Hitler? Stalin? Sadaam Hussein? Just one bad dude to show us his power.......nope.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 02:46PM

He wanted us to kill them, so he could say we were naughty. Now he has a reason to light a match and baptize us all with fire.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 02:50PM

Lets not forget the one where he has a drunk put two of EVERY living creature 1 male, one female ,on a boat that floats around the planet for 40 days and 40 nights. And they all live to tell about it.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 03:03PM


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Posted by: kolobian ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 04:27PM


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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 04:55PM

I guess i need to brush up on my scriptures. Hummmm maybe not. I'll take everyone's word for it.

Reminds me of the floating dish story too. That was even more insanely ridiculous.

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Posted by: mothermayeye ( )
Date: December 14, 2011 02:20PM

Yah, if anyone has ever seen the Animal Planet you know that you can't just be putting wild animals together in a closed up space! No wooden cage Noah could have built is going to contain a hungry tiger, nope, sorry! haha AND if God calmed all the animals on the ark why not just calm all the naughty people? Doh!

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Posted by: mothermayeye ( )
Date: December 14, 2011 02:21PM

WAIT! Don't tell... a test a faith ;-)

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 03:31PM

I wasn't there, so not so sure it happened at all! Science is saying, fat chance. Frankly I think scientists are the more convincing of the two.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 03:45PM

instead of letting a smart ass Atheist tell what's in your bible.

How about starting with with genesis 7:2

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 04:59PM

At this point, i would rather listen to a smart ass atheist than dig out a bible and read it.

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Posted by: Thread Killer ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 04:49PM

If Noah was supposed to take a pair of every unclean animal, why bother with pigs? They weren't supposed to be eaten or even touched, so WTH bother?
Maybe God knew that 'Babe' would be an awesome movie thousands of years in the future.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 04:57PM

Ya gotta have pigs! Childhood would not have been the same without charlotte the talking pig, the three pigs, and i'm sure there are some others i've forgotten about.

Oh yeah, I forgot. Hog quest. My DH loves that weird show. To each their own.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/13/2011 05:01PM by mia.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 05:05PM

ummmmm


i think making a list of the non-rediculous scripts would be Far more Interesting...

and Brief!

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 13, 2011 05:33PM

John 11:35 Jesus wept.


that was as brief as i could make it.

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Posted by: JohnC ( )
Date: December 14, 2011 04:17PM

I'm not going to look up the scripture, because I don't know where a BOM is, but one of my favorites is one about a curse being put on the land so that a person might lay down his sword and then forget where he put it. I wonder what Joseph Smith lost that morning that prompted his writing about such a curse.

I also remember one paragraph that went something like "and a fifth year passed. And the sixth year. And a seventh year passed...[ad nauseum]. So, the prophet who was writing it got out the gold plates at the end of the year, and had nothing to write but "a sixth year passed." Same thing the next year and the next. Funny.

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Posted by: ghost.di ( )
Date: December 14, 2011 04:29PM

today in seminary, i came across ezekiel 18:6 ".....neither hath defiled his neighbour’s wife, neither hath come near to a menstruous woman". i almost started laughing out loud! so you shouldn't go near menstrous women?

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