So, I'm not one of those types who feels more fully justified for leaving the Mormon church in 'good standing.'

In fact, I've never quite understood it when ex-mo's even bring it up.

A big part of the reason I left the church was because I realized how much I loved to have sex and have sex with different partners.

It was increasingly ridiculous to try and keep both lifestyles going. It became so obvious that I was the worst kind of hypocrite. I was duped by the church and their impossible standards but I kept 'slipping' and enjoying sex with some girlfriend.

To a certain extent, alcohol was also something I enjoyed and didn't want to give it up.

Eventually I credit this to helping me get OUT of the Morg.

It took me a while but I came around and just faced up to the fact that I had no interest in the Mormon lifestyle. It was way too boring and restrictive.

I realized that I would eventually get kicked out and/or found out so I just stopped going so I could enjoy the good life.

After a few months, the brainwashing power of the church starts to weaken. I started to look into things and then I realized it was a fraud anyway.

What a GREAT DAY!!

THANK YOU SEX AND ALCOHOL FOR GETTING ME AWAY FROM THE CRAZY CULT!!

In opinion, you deserve NO EXTRA points for leaving in 'good standing.' Good standing for what? For being MORE obedient to the cult?

What about someone exed for murder? Or rape? For example?

What you mentioned is violent crime.

Anony Wrote:
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> What you mentioned is violent crime.

And what of that?

Some people are excommunicated for questioning the authority of a corrupt Stake President, for example. Some resign as they no longer believe.

Some are excommunicated for serious offences, such as the examples I cited above.

They are ex-Mormons, but they did not leave in good standing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2011 12:20PM by matt.

Well , I'll play your game if you wish...

Yeah,...if I hack of a girls head and then force under age boys to have sex with me...and this somehow leads me out of the church...

You're right...it makes the situation different.

But I mean...c'mon really?

I guess I just assumed it goes w/o saying that homicide and boinking 10 year olds doesn't apply to my overall point.

Some few mormons do leave because they like a wild life. Hopefully, for their own safety and for the sake of others, they use protection and don't drink and drive.

And that is one of the three reasons people leave the church is the desire to "sin."

Those who left and say they left in good standing are only trying to dispel that myth.

I don't think they bring it up because they feel better than you.

That could be the case for many....

I suspect however there are some that do feel a sense of superiority over other ex-mo's such as myself.

Anony Wrote:
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> That could be the case for many....
>
> I suspect however there are some that do feel a
> sense of superiority over other ex-mo's such as
> myself.

That's not something I have noticed here.

It's not so much that they are trying to show off to other ex-Mos- it's about not allowing TBMs to make ridiculous assumptions about their exit.

TBMs "need" to believe it is sin that dragged people out of the church. Who would leave Gawd's One, Twue Church if it wasn't b/c they were trapped in sin?

more to their family and friends who remain Mormon and not really to other ex-mormons. Primarily because the de rigeur response from many Mormons is to state categorically that you left a) to sin b) because you were lazy and couldn't live up to gospel standards c) because you had some sin you hadn't repented of.

For the ex-mormon, abiding by standards one doesn't believe in doesn't make one superior, rather it makes one a hypocrite.

In other words, it isn't for the benefit of ex-mormons that such things are said, but rather for back-biting Mormons who love to make assumptions about the apostate to protect their own testimonies.

These are good points all....

I accept your point that there is a valid reason to mention it

I feel however, that it is good to bring this up every now and then just in case some ex-mo on these boards hasn't wised up

I am in the don't give a shit crowd. There records and lists mean nothing to me.

I think some want to leave on better terms for the sake of family relationships.
In the non religious world how you believe might not have the potential to isolate you from the very people who are supposed to love you unconditionally.

WE all have our own journey and process.

Sex, in all its characters and faceted representations, can be an incredible exploration and celebration of being alive and aware.

Wine and beer seem to have salubrious physical characteristics. And the occasional bender can be rip-roaring fun, especially for someone trying to move beyond victorian prudishness and repressed emotions & expressions instilled in the brain since childhood.

And sex & alcohol, done right together, can be a riot.

But they can both be abused.

And I would only cast aspersions, and yes even sway in my opinion of one's character, if imbibing in the aforementioned 'vices' hurt or is hurting another person.

Were you married or in a committed relationship when you were boinking several partners in parallel? If so, was your spouse or partner aware and ok, or participating with equal vim?

If so, what took you out of the stifling and warped box called mormonism is irrelevant. Like you say, who cares why you got out, the point is, you're out. However, if not, and a partner was deeply hurt by your behavior when you were leaving, then you're a cad and a snake.

Adultery is wrong because of the dishonesty.

It was the dishonesty of trying to juggle Mormonism with a sexually active lifestyle that got me to leave in the first place....

You right, you don't get any extra brownie points for leaving in good standing, and you don't need to.

However, and this is the big thing, the Mormons love to say that we all left because we love sin more then God. It is an insulting slur, and having people who left "in good standing" prove this to be a lie.

My third point, no one really leaves in good standing. Once you leave, you are forever marked by the Mormon church. Our "removed" records are really just transferred and flagged in a special vault in the naive hope that they will trick us into coming back, but you will never again be in good standing with them.

High Priest Group Leader --Active -- Full Tithe Payer --

CLOSET APOSTATE --when they kicked me out !!
And they certainly do not want me back !!

JB

I think your point may apply more over at the NOM boards than here. Over there posters often make comments along the lines of "I still have the same high standards I had when I was active."

Interesting.

What board is that it exactly?

I honestly don't know about it.

Dehlin will basically brag about "clean living": "What's wrong with clean living?" "And what else does the church teach that led you to live a better, healthier, happier life, even if in the end you left the church?" He'd ask a question like that.

Look, the church doesn't have a lock on living healthily. And avoiding green tea may not be a good idea anyway.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2011 02:28PM by derrida.

Mushinja Wrote:
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> posters often make comments along the lines of "I still have the same high standards I had when I was active."

Most nevermos and exmos have high standards as well. We don't murder, assault, burglarize, cheat, steal, etc. These are areas where there is widespread agreement that such behaviors are anti-social.

Where we may differ is in certain areas including premarital sex, use of alcoholic beverages, etc. I think of these as being adult/handle with care activities. They can be handled in a way that harms one's self and/or others, or they can be handled in a responsible way that is respectful of one's self and others. The Mormon church wants to apply black and white thinking to these adult activities. Well driving is an adult/handle with care activity as well, and it can certainly harm people if it is not handled responsibly. But the Mormon church does not consider driving to be sinful. Maybe it should.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2011 05:04PM by summer.

NOM stands for New Order Mormon.

humm, except for the fact I quit giving them money

I don't adhere to their drinking rules (I don't call that sin, because its not)

I can't stand wasting another minute of my life in that ugly building with people either looking down their nose at me, or trying to think of ways they can use me.

I left in good standing.

When I was still going to church and contemplating how to end the madness (and keep my family), leaving in "good standing" was important to me. Really important. The longer I am out of the church, the less important that is though.

It's like they just can't quite let go of that little bit of Mormosity that tells them they're special.

"You can get excommunicated from the LDS Church for one of three reasons, murder, adultery, or apostasy. A friend of mine commented to me that I was kicked out for the least interesting of the three."

You can get ex'd for pre-marital sex if its excessive and/or if a lot of people know about it in the ward; and you are an RM.

Everyone leaves for different reasons and everyone chooses the way (most of the time) that they leave. So, for each their own. Me, I had my name removed. Does that make me better than someone who was exed? Nope. Am I going to tell people I chose to leave and that I'm glad I chose to have my name removed because it brought closure. Hell yeah. None of us here are any better than the other, we just all happen to be exmos, future exmos, or just not going any more mos, or better yet, we are all just people with a common interest - being not involved in a church.

I left in "good standing"--my ex left having had hundreds of sex partners.

Do I consider him "less than"--You've got to be kidding me! He's one of my best friends. I left the church BECAUSE OF HIM and all gays (and their families)--I learned the rest later. I could never buy into--from the day I found out he is gay some 29 years ago--that he was "evil" or "less than" or whatever. That was one of my biggest problems with the church--is measuring someone's worth by their standards.

Many of us make the point of "good standing" because all the mormons think we chose to leave to sin. I have even had mormons say my ex chose to be gay after we went inactive. HA HA HA HA HA (that is my wicked crazy laugh).

Then I read the horrid parts of J&D, learned of MMM and all the other disgusting historical facts.

As far as I was concerned, the mormon church was way below any basic standards of humanity with which I had become familiar, from my interactions with non-mormon friends and neighbours, despite a period of inactivity during the middle years.

I'd hate to be in 'good standing' now with such a corrupt and moneygrubbing organisation.

Briggy