Have you ever played a dirty prank on the LDS church? I have been wanting to. I love practical jokes. I am not quite up to the Hofmann level of deception and do not want to do anything illegal but I had this idea of signing up as a member under a fake name when I am already an inactive member under my real name-right before I move. I used to say that leaving the LDS church felt so good that I was tempted to sign up again just so I could leave again.

Any ideas?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/11/2012 10:57PM by miner8.

I don't think it would take much effort either. The cult isn't going to do any kind of a background check in their race to dunk another sucker. I think you should go for it and see how many times you can get baptized in a single year.

This wasn't actually a prank, but it is a true story and I thought it was pretty funny. A friend of a friend owned a piece of land adjacent to the local moron church. The church wanted to buy it and the owner wanted to sell, but the church's best offer was way below market value. The owner (a non member) was not willing to be screwed by the church, so he started raising pigs on the land. It didn't take long before the church dedided they could pay his asking price for the land.

Bwaaa haa haa I LOVE that (evil)

That reminds me of a story about Jack Hyles I once heard. Hyles was this crazy Baptist Fundamentalist and he would send buses out into poor areas to bring children to his Sunday School. He liked to have children baptized as quickly as possible (in IFB churches that is a big thing and should be taken very seriously*.) Anyway, one boy was led to the baptismal "pool" and asked if he wanted to be "annointed" and he responded "Mister, I've been baptized twice before."


___________________________________

* Because there are so few religious requirements laid upon Baptists ("Catholics do works," they would say contemptuously) each thing that was necessary was exceedingly important. Baptism was one of those things; it meant you truly cared.

BTW, this was the Hyles that started Hyles-Anderson College, which has produced some of the leading crazies in Christian Fundamentalism. He is the same Pastor Hyles who had an affair with his own married assistant, Jennie Nischick, and played weird games with her husband (he was forced to live in his own attic.)

You mean like calling and ordering Chinese food on the 800 number they give on tv for a free bofm?

I was in a rock band (I [played keyboards) and I brought the band into the chapel to practice [nobody was there.] I was also TSCC ward organist at the time. We were playing "Light My Fire" when the bishop prick walked in b/c the lights were on and you could hear it outside.
He was not amused. I got kicked out......Oh heartbreak, NOT!
Anyway, it was not a deliberate prank - I just loved the church's organ (nice pipe organ.)

Once Mitt is nominated, hire an actor to dress up as Brigham Young and give press conferences at Brigham Young at Mitt's campaign events. The actor should respond as much as possible actually quoting BY and church publications.

I think it would be hilarious!

Reporter: "What do you think about mixed race marriages?"

Reporter: "Was Joseph Smith really more important than Jesus?"

Reporter: "What is the best food for babies?"

Report: "Is it true you have your hair burned off instead of cut?"

Reporter: "Tell us about your marriages and divorces."

BY had an opinion on everything. Let a million laughs bloom!

Oh yeah.

MarkJ Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Once Mitt is nominated, hire an actor to dress up
> as Brigham Young and give press conferences at
> Brigham Young at Mitt's campaign events. The
> actor should respond as much as possible actually
> quoting BY and church publications.
>
> I think it would be hilarious!
>
> Reporter: "What do you think about mixed race
> marriages?"
>
> Reporter: "Was Joseph Smith really more important
> than Jesus?"
>
> Reporter: "What is the best food for babies?"
>
> Report: "Is it true you have your hair burned off
> instead of cut?"
>
> Reporter: "Tell us about your marriages and
> divorces."
>
> BY had an opinion on everything. Let a million
> laughs bloom!


Reporter: "What, in God's opinion, should be done with covenant breakers?"

Reporter: "Is there only one God or are there many Gods?"

Reporter (with follow-up question): "What is the identity of the God with which we have to do?"

Reporter: "You practiced polygamy, is this just an incidental social arrangement or is it fundamental to Mormon doctrine?"

Reporter: "What was your opinion of Abraham Lincoln?"

Reporter: "What was your opinion of the United States of America?"

Reporter: "What is the God's position on Black-African slavery?"

One time I was going to be working late in the clerk's office so I took my Siberian Husky with me to the ward building. She was on a leash.

There wasn't supposed to be anyone in the building. There were no cars in the parking lot. At one point she bolted for the cult-ural hall. When I arrived moments later, she had cornered four youth who had scrambled up of a closed set of bleachers scared out of their wits.

I explained that she was a friendly husky and asked why they were in the building playing basketball without an adult present. Apparently, one of their parents loaned them the key and dropped them off. It really wasn't a smart nor safe thing to do.

I told them that they could continue to play basketball as long as I was working in the clerk's office, but then they would have to leave.

By the time I finished, they had left.

his best friend lived next door to the wardhouse. Every week some dumb member would confront the nonmember family about joining up, having mishie discussions, visiting the ward, reading the BofM. The family was sick of it and were offended that mormons would not respect their requests to be left alone.

So my brother and his friend started setting off the church fire alarm on a regular basis. My brother hated being forced to attend that church and his friend hated how the mormons hounded his family.

This was their revenge.

The bish and his two underlings got tired of being called out every Sunday night for the alarm. But they were no more sick of it than my brother and his friend were of the morg antics.

Mormons dish out persecution and are too stupid to see that they're the cause of whatever retaliation they suffer.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2012 06:03AM by Cheryl.

ROTFL

Would not a temple be a better place?

How about smokin the boys rooms, leaving the butt on the floor and scrawling 'Satan was here' on the wall. That should have them talking for a while.

Also, it would be big fun if one worked in a temple, to have a little fun with the new name thing.

I would have all the mens new name be Flava Flav, and all the womens RuPaul.

We used to tug the front door with mighty strength and could pop it open. Took the whole HS drumline in the gym to practice because neighbors who had no HS spirit would call cops. Loud as hell in there- awesome.

With Joseph Smith as the perfect exemplar, I made out with two sisters one night on the church lawn. I knew that Brs. Jos and Brigham were smiling down on me from their thrones on high. Might I be the one mighty and strong who could bring back the new and everlasting covenant with my celestial polyamory?

My brother and I used to crack the door using said technique (in fairness it was his method that he invented to yank that door; he had a much more powerful center of gravity than me even though I was older) and we would sneak into the chapel and record tracks for our rock songs.

Best trick ever though was played on us elders in southern Wisconsin, Spring 1992 General Conference. We were all hanging out Friday nite before GC when this crazy fat hag called up sayin she wanted to be baptized. Huge to-do - dinky ass ward went bat shit. It was a festival- conference, baptism, dinner parties, mid west morg drama. She gets baptized, disappears, the next week get a call from elders in Fargo, ND who said they just met up with same crazy fat hag who'd been baptized over 100 times. Us elders took some shit from the local BP saying we clearly did not have the spirit of discernment on that one. Good holy fuck.

If you are still a member in good standing (even if inactive) and you want to leave tscc, confess to the Bishop a bunch of (legal) stuff you did not even do-like sexual stuff and such. Get excommunicated for it all-then after they excommunicate you, tell them you made it all up.

thats funny !

I used to have sex in the chapel, a lot. My dad always had keys to the church so I always had someplace to go.

When I was 12 Me and my friends would turn the lights off the in the bathroom when somebody was using the toilet at church.

Harmless:

Vaseline (clear petroleum jelly) on the door knobs!!!!!

(Worked on roommates at college. :D!)

Drawing dongs on every single page of every single hymnbook in the church or blasting pornography from a hidden speaker while someone is speaking.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2012 06:01PM by liberalbutteffer.

I have a couple of exmo relatives who helped build a Mormon chapel. One night they ordered out for fried chicken and threw all the carcass remnants into the Chapel's air ducts before installing the vents.

-Joke on primary: Throw a handful of candy into the room in the middle of class/sharing time/singing time

-Joke on ward chorister: Add a random digit to the hymn number board making the ward search for hymnal #2147.

-Financial clerk: Pesos or canadian money donation w/o a tithing slip

-Sacrament taker: tobasco sauce or fast dissolving breath strip in sacrament corner cup.

-Bishop: Get a temporary tattoo before my interview, add fake nose ring.

-Relief Society: I had a whole list of cheap jokes to play on the RS, such as "hide the dolies", unfortunately most of them were too incriminating so I never got the courage.

-Library: I always wanted to tape porn over "Man's Search for Happiness" but never got the courage either.

-Sacrament sleepers: Bake a really sweet desert, take it covered to sacrament and open it on fast sunday in the middle of passing of bread.


-Donating Monopoly money in an envelope without a tithing slip.

-Hide a remote control fart machine in the chapel, and set it off when the sacrament is being passed.

-Show up at the Halloween party dressed as the angel with a flaming sword.

-Show up at the ward halloween party dressed as a Master Mason.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2012 06:49PM by Jesus Smith.

How 'bout tape "Man's Search for Happiness" over porn. How many dirty SOBs woulda popped that sucker in and gotten the biggest disappointment of their lives?

Once we were in the church for some youth activity. Me and some other deacons were in the bathroom and found what must have been the largest piece of Sh** we'd ever witnessed. There was no way it was goin to flush. That was a logistical impossibility. Someone would have to dig it out. I don't think it was a prank though......just sayin'....

Shoulda taken a pic with your cellphone camera.

Woulda been great if it'd been in the urinal.

When nobody is looking ring the bell. Then do it some more.
It's amazing how they jump to the sound of that bell.
I always wanted to be the bell ringer. They have more control than God. You're supposed to have a penis to get that job though.

Maybe ratting out someone for something ridiculous to see how seriously they take it.

Or calling as a concerned parent to confirm that landlords are, in fact, able to legally discriminate against who can rent my housing based on their religious affiliation.

The youth in my ward put those "party poppers" in all the hymn racks in the chapel. After the opening hymn, people dropped the hymn books back in the racks, and the poppers went off around the chapel like caps going off. Some people even screamed. The best part was the very humorless man who stood at the pulpit to give the opening hymn looking around the room disapprovingly before closing his eyes.

Kudos to the youth. Best practical joke I ever saw.

I played plenty when I was a kid.

I put a whole packet of salt in just one of the sacrament cups, on more than one occasion. Kids would spit it out instantly. Dads would sometimes swear. Sometimes you could not spot the winner!

Me and my friends used to skinny dip in the font. My girlfriend would ask the janitor if she could come in for a drink of water and then she would slip a pebble into the door, preventing it from locking. As soon as the coast was clear we would pull the curtain in front of the font, and one of us would slip under to unlock the door from the inside.

We also used to play in the tunnels underneath the church. There is a trap door, under the cabinet by the exit door in the kitchen

You know the curtains on the stage can support a ton of weight if you swing from them!

We even used to ride our bikes in the church.

I never felt guilty ever, I figured if it really was gods house he wouldn't mind some kids were playing in it. Better than a bunch of reverent uptight ass holes.

With the opening of the new Mall I would like to supply to all the officials their new and so called improved underwear. To which I would add a generous amount of itching powder. Recorded by the media this would greatly surpass the Blazing Saddles farting action.

One night, my friend and I were out around 2am, really bored, and all we had was a car and window markers. So, we went to an LDS building and drew a giant penis ejaculating onto a pair of giant boobs. Then we went to another LDS building across town and did it again, because it was so much fun the first time.

Kinda childish, but we're easily amused.

edit: Forgot to mention, we drew this on the glass doors with the window markers.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2012 03:42AM by mormonimposter.

One time for sac meeting, the deacons filled up the small water cups with straight vodka. After people on the first row started screaming, they got into big trouble.
The boys did not have the vodka in the cups served to the bishop prick and his croonies. What a hoot! It was hysterical.

My cousin buried a voodoo doll fairly deep in the ward's lawn outside b/c the voodoo book she had said to bury the doll in a church yard. It was about 1 am. AQ copy came by but didn't stop. I bet it looked weird though two teenaged girls sitting on the lawn with shovels. HAHA!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2012 04:03AM by enoughenoch19.