As for me, if I'd never converted, I may never have married Mrs. Hela, which was the best thing I've ever done in my life. On the other hand, I'd like to think I might still have persuaded her to marry me if I'd remained nevermo.

I also think I'd be further along in my career by now. The extra time spent on church callings could have been more wisely spent developing skill sets and contacts.

I'd probably be poorer. I was a lazy-assed scrub with no ambition whatsoever. I went in the military because I hated my father and had to get the hell out of Dodge. My HS GPA was 1.96 (of 4.00) and I'd blown a ride to UofM because of a pot bust. I went in to avoid prosecution.

Converted in the military, went on a mission, got into BYU because I was an RM. Finished a BS then MBA (not at BYU, thank god) and got a great job in finance.

As to my personal life, I wouldn't have gotten married when I did. Probably would only have one child (have 3, wanted more) and I wouldn't be tri-lingual (English, Dutch, Spanish).

Further, I probably wouldn't have travelled as much (caught wanderlust after an overseas mission), and wouldn't be the avid reader I am now.

So, all in all, other than being bilked out of a bunch of money and having had my mind screwed over, the residue of morg membership actually is a plus for me.

Don't shoot the messenger. you asked.

Ron

It couldn't be, or no one would ever join or remain in the morg.

I'm not sure. I was born into the cult, so I'm not sure what is naturally me, and what was nurtured into me. I'm confident I would have scored a lot more in HS though!

I like to think that if I had been born to parents like mine--very well educated, both veterans, both caring people but not mormons, I would have flourished. My parents have the potential to have raised a family of children who would have been highly educated and had the self-esteem to become leaders and make an impact on the world.

Instead, they pushed missions and then education on the boys and marriage on the girls. Both my sister and I married young and were sent to college for the sole purpose of finding a husband then giving it up. I had to go back to college in mid-life to be able to survive as a single mother and my sister has had to work in a call center for years.

My brothers made it, or came close to making it through college and have the means to raise a normal TBM family, put sons on missions and serve in LDS leadership roles. But have no accomplishments outside of mormonism. We were never really close as siblings, had nothing that could be considered a relationship with my parents who were too busy in their church callings to be too concerned with how their kids were feeling and just endured to adulthood.

I know other TBMs think my parents raised such a good family--well, with the exception of the apostate daughter, but I really think all of us fell way short of our potentials because we were so stifled by the idiocy and rules of a money-grubbing religious cult.

I would have fathered a lot less kids, and I would have traveled even more. I would have surfed a lot more, all around the world. I'd prolly be living in a land even farther away from USA.

I think I wouldn't have gone wild in my 20s like I did if I hadn't been raised mormon. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have started smoking. That was mainly rebellion.

Looking back it seems like mormon kids go way overboard once they finally let their hair down.

Trying to find myself, I guess. Find out who I really should be. I would have probably been a lot more liberal, more of a vegetarian, granola crunching hippie/new age type. I would have gone to UC Davis or a school like that. I lived in Davis for a while and loved the atmosphere there. I would have cared more about my career and done more to develop a career I really wanted, instead of thinking of it as just something to do part-time while the kids were growing up. I wouldn't be married to the guy I'm married to now because we are great at being best friends but not so good at being married. I would have lived with him a while before we got married and figured this out if I hadn't felt so much pressure to marry and RM in the temple because I was an old maid RM myself. And I would have had enough time with his family to see what different backgrounds we come from and (more importantly) how different our goals for the future were. We've worked things out to an incredible extent but it's been a battle. On the upside, I probably would have slept with guys I shouldn't have, that I didn't because I was Mormon. So that was the upside of Mormon programming. It kept me out of trouble.

Most of all, I'd have been a lot quieter. I'm the type that is happy with a small, close handful of friends, lots of private time and a bunch of books. My mom and nevermo dad pushed and pushed me to be one of those super-achieving Mormon kids. I'm not sorry I won the things I won but pushing me to be one of those super social, outgoing, glad-handing Mormon types was far more stressful than I realized until after I left Mormonism and was able to really be myself. The Mormon persona is ALL wrong for me.

Now I just have to figure out, at my age, how do I get from where I am to where I woulda/shoulda/coulda been?

I know I would have probably had sex in high school. That would have probably led to either pregnancy or marrying someone other than my husband who turned out to be gay.

I likely would have finished college instead of working while waiting for my missionary.

I likely would not have had as many children

If I hadn't converted I would never have met my ex-fiancee, and wouldn't be preparing to go to court to try and save my soon-to-be daughter from a life being looked down on by a bunch of crazies(ex's family).

Because of my unstable life growing up (moving every 4 years because of dad's job) I think that another fundamentalist type group would have hooked me.

I was an unsophisticated, idealistic young man and very naive. I was 18 years old and was searching for some sort of order and some answers.

I've always figured that if the Mormons had not gotten me, some other cult would have.

I don't think I would have become some successful person because I've never really bought into The Establishment even though I really, really tried to.

Life happened. I can't go back and change things. I have to deal with who I am and the choices I have made. That can be very tough sometimes.

I'm very musically inclined so maybe I would have gone into that area of life more. Now it's just a minor hobby for me. Something much more artistic than what I do as that's a big side of my personality that doesn't see a lot of expression.

But I can't complain and I think it's silly to. I love my job, I love my wife and I love the life I have now. It's hard to imagine how I would have become what I am without my early life.

I really wish I could say it would have been much better. In truth, I would not have my husband or daughter.

me too except it would have been before my mid-thirties!

We would have remained in the country of my (our) birth, and we would not have emigrated to "Zion." Our lives would have been completely different, and - for me - I'm sure it would have been MUCH better. I've hated being the foreigner, the one with the strange name, not understanding the culture, not really belonging here (and - when I eventually returned to my birth country for a visit - not really belonging there, either).

I feel a lot like CA girl. I would have been a lot closer to my boys and probably would have not had five girls. That would have been a shame. THey add a lot to my life and you need that when you have literally given up your own development and poured yourself into the development of a church and the children you brought into the world to "spread the word."

Well, they are spreading the non-Mormon word all right.

I'm embarrassed by how I credited the Church ("Gospel") for everything good in my life and blamed myself for everything bad. It wore me down to a nub and it took a long time to crawl out of the hole.

I wonder about my personality- I used to be much more social. I wonder if the extreme lack of personal time and the constant noise and meetings and commitments and the fear of missing a duty didn't warp me. I used to take personal time late at night, getting along on very little sleep.

Now I'm in my sixties and I like being alone. There's a deliciousness to it that somehow doesn't feel like it's altogether healthy. Almost a "leave me alone" attitude.

Anybody else experience this (esp loveskids?)

Anagrammy

You don't have to decide for the rest of your life but it's obviously what you need now. I'm basing that on the fact it's what I need now. I'm not a big fan of exercise (except water sports) but for a while I took to walking 3-4 miles a day, just to get some time when no one would talk to me. I needed to be alone with myself so badly to regroup I'd spend hours with my Ipod walking as far as possible before I had to turn back. I also made a rule with my kids that I'd say "I'm going to do housework now" and put on my Ipod. They knew that if they interrupted me for anything short of an emergency, whatever household chore (dishes/laundry/bathroom cleaning) I was in the middle of, they would have to finish for me. You never SAW kids leave a parent alone so respectfully. And you've never seen me clean my house so thoroughly. I still spend lots of time with my kids but I was just desperate for alone time and there is always someone around my house. Time to think was almost non-existent at a time when I needed it the most.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that trying to find yourself after Mormonism requires some peace and time to look inside and that's a good thing. So enjoy your personal time. I do, now that I've found some. :)

and become a robot. One of my most painful memories is telling my 11 year old son "No one cares what you feel. Just do what you are supposed to do- do your duty. No one cares what I feel, either, you know."

I paused, suddenly hearing myself as if outside my body. Is this what I believe, really?

A tiny crack of realization that something has been sucked out of me--and therefore, my children.

Anagrammy

I would have sought to prove the philosopher Morrison's hypothesis that it's better to burn out than to fade away.

If I had not been born outside the cult, if I had been allowed to be myself, I would have been much happier.

I was born and raised in CA, too, and my parents pushed me into being an extrovert, playing the piano, performing, entering contests, competing at sports, getting good grades, etc. Oddly enough, the church squelched my talent and creativity.

I would not have been forced into the role of future Molly-Mormon SAHM, and would have felt comfortable being a bookworm. Definitely, I would have gone to my hometown university, instead of being forced to go to BYU. I would have married my first boyfriend, who lived on my street, and who was 6 years older than I. I would have been allowed to date him when I was 16, it would have been OK to kiss him, and drive in his car, and go to the country club with him (they served liquor there). It would have been OK that he was an atheist. Instead, I saved myself for that perfect RM I was promised, who pursued me at BYU, who turned out to be a sick, abusive liar, and a temple marriage that ruined my life.

I would have had a career in science, no matter what. My soulmate put his wife through the university, and she also has a PhD. I still am friends with him, and he say's he is very unhappily married (don't they all), but they have a gorgeous house with a swimming pool and tennis court, plus a cabin at Lake Tahoe. Their children and grandchildren live in the same neighborhood. He is still the finest, most intelligent, sweetest, and by far the funniest person I've ever known. When I'm with him--all very innocent, and mostly with other people--I can truly relax and be my nutty self. He is a science professor, and an author.

My life would be pretty much the same, but I would be happily married, and more self-accepting.

I don't know if my ex would have stayed involved with me, let alone marry me, had I not joined the church. So if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have my four beautiful children that I love so very much. On the other hand, how can you miss something you never knew you never had?

Also, I wouldn't have missed out on a lot of "impure, unnatural, unholy" oral sex. Effing LDS church.

If I hadn't of been born & raised in TSCC, but still would have gone through all the other horrible things I've been through, I actually believe I would still be in the same position as I am right now. TSCC did cause me a lot of bad grief, but I've been through & continue to go through a lot of really bad things that aren't related to TSCC at all.

I would have come out as gay a lot sooner.

On the other hand, since I met my closest friend in the world while on my LDS mission, I would never have had that friendship. And I wouldn't want to know what my life would be like without him. My friendship with him is enough to make me glad I was ever in that cult. (He's out of the fake religion, too, by the way.)

I would of been less judgmental, had real friends instead of phony mormon church friends who try to impress each other by being the most self-righteous and had less children.

My career would of been started earlier, more travel, more time to myself and more time to enjoy life instead of the endless busy work with church callings.

ugh

I was BIC and left the day I moved out of my parents house, so I've experienced a lot of good things after leaving the church, but being TBM gave me a HUGE guilt complex about doing things that are completely normal-- like having sex with a long term boyfriend at age 22 (spent the night throwing up after that...the actual event was a whole lot of fun, but the guilt after made me physically sick for days) or having a fruity drink in a bar on my 21st birthday.

Most importantly, I would have learned to be REAL rather than the fake that I was for so long. It took YEARS to learn how to be ME instead of what someone else (the church, my family, my TBM "friends") expected me to be. I still struggle with it--every now and then I catch myself doing something stupidly fake, and then kicking myself for it. Its been 8 years, but I still struggle with how to be ME.

I'm learning though =) And I'm glad I got out when I did. I feel for those of you who have regrets about what you missed.

I was reading a book called "What Would You Do If You Had No Fear", and suddenly the thought came to me: What if the church just disappeared today....totally gone....and a wild, exuberant joy took over my spirit! That's when I knew that the yoke around my neck has been killing me for years, decades...perhaps my whole life.

I would not have spent most of my life trying to fix into a little box MUCH too small for my soul. I would have experimented more with almost everything. I would have loved more, in all ways.

This is a tragedy.

Oops, should have proofread better...

I meant "FIT MYSELF INTO A LITTLE BOX"

Sorry!

I would have more authentic (maybe better, who knows) relationship with my parents.

They have no personalities, other than parroting church stances.

My life is the way it is and I've had to accept a lot of mistakes I've made and keep making.

In retrospect, I might have had a great marriage to a great guy I met right before I joined the church. Although 21 and no-mo when I met this 28-year-old man through a colleague, I was still a virgin. He treated me so kindly in every aspect yet I wouldn't have sex with him. I know he would've been incredible to me sexually since he was so respectful in every other way.

I guess I was used to the emotional abuse I received from my family and kindness from others towards me didn't feel right. He freaked out when I joined the church and tried to convince me not to get baptized. He was so incredibly upset and I just cried and cried that he didn't understand my decision. I was so screwed up emotionally yet he was willing to help me out but I wouldn't listen to him.

But the kids I have are amazing. Simply amazing. I have no idea how I gave birth to these children who are so incredibly cool.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2010 01:02PM by toto.

I wouldn't have met my husband, which would be a bad thing. My family wouldn't have disowned me for converting, and the disowning was really good for me to separate myself from that toxic environment.

I wouldn't have given them a substantial portion of my income, sometimes going hungry and not paying bills. I would have gotten treatment for my mental illness a lot sooner instead of trying to pray it away. I also wouldn't have reconnected with my horrible family after 5 years because I thought Heavenly Father would bless me if I forgave.

If I wasn't a Mormon, I wouldn't be an atheist now. Freeing myself of all religion has made me find true peace.

So there's good and bad...

I don't know.
I mean,
Different husband,
(if one at all)
different children,
Other than that,
Who can say?