Sandie's mom, welcome to the board, and here's a prediction for you.
You will learn so much of the real truth here that you will have to really concentrate in Testimony meeting to keep yourself from rolling your eyes when people say that they "Know" the church is true.
They will all start sounding like Amway people who are so convinced that Amway is the path to financial independence. They sound so sincere in their belief, but are so misguided and blinded by the spin and hype of the Amway people above them.
And remember, you don't have to say a word in reply. It's all up to you.
When I first arrived, I lurked for months. I couldn't believe how angry and hurt everybody seemed. Then it all hit me, too, and I was angry myself at all the hurt people have endured. Now it just comes and goes.
What I really learned was how little I knew about the Mormon Church, even after all those hours and hours of church meetings, teaching RS, being born in the church, having pioneer ancestors.
Wouldn't it be nice if Sandie and you could just talk? I used to wish my grown children would talk to me and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why they wouldn't.
I never connected it to the fact that I myself was so JUDGMENTAL. I thought of myself as a super hardworking, God-fearing single mother who did her very best to bring up some pretty ungrateful, hurtful children who never really gave God a chance.
It never occurred to me that I could change. That I could try accepting them the way they were. Because if I accepted them as nonbelievers, didn't that mean that I had failed?
Somehow, in my mind, as long as I kept saying "God still loves you" and "I'm praying for you" and "Don't forget who you really are", I wasn't through raising them and, therefore, was not guilty of failure.
My heart goes out to you, Mom, because I know you are in pain feeling like a failure. Sandie has many admirers here, you know. She thinks for herself and is able to articulate. The thing I like about her the most is that she is authentic. It's very hard to be authentic--it takes courage--and you have raised a daughter with enough self-esteem to stand up for what she believes in. (which is terrific even though you don't believe what she believes).
I have many daughters, some of which still don't confide in me, but I can tell you this. You don't have to let go of what you believe to release your judgments and openly approve the woman your daughter has become. Doesn't mean you're giving in. God never meant for you to withhold approval or love from your own children as a way to --what?--coerce them back to faith through their love of you?
In your heart, you know that would just be so wrong. Welcome to this board, Mother of Sandie, and I hope it helps. Also, feel free to ask questions or comment...it's anonymous and she won't know it's you. There are plenty of us mothers here and we know what you are going through.
But welcome to the board! Sandie is one of our favorites here for sure and we'd love to embrace you as well! Just don't let that guy over there embrace ya before he washes his hands...(looks towards Ron...)