I've written here a couple of times, but it's honestly been very hard for me to write since those times. There have been so many days where I've felt too dead emotionally to put any sort of feeling into a post, so I just... don't write.
But I want to, now.
I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first child now. That's part of the reason I've been hiding from here for so long. I'd just started to try breaking free of the church when I suddenly found myself pregnant. I've been sick and tired and sore for months, and just plain depressed at times. Other times, I can be very happy and optimistic. But, as my pregnancy draws to a close, and the weather changes to dark and dreary, I feel a sort of pressure closing-in on me. I feel the need to get out of the church while I still can. I don't want my child to be brought up in this church. It hurts too many people for me to think it would be okay to keep going.
My husband is very understanding, and while he isn't as... disbelieving, as me, he concedes many points about the church being manipulative, leaders having lied, members being terrible people a lot of the time, etc. He's said he'd stop going if I want him to. Eventually he'd even be willing to remove his name from the church records. But I won't make him do that. I won't force him to do something so... final, without it meaning the same thing to him as it would to me. I'm letting him figure it out for himself. And it isn't difficult, because you wouldn't believe how many people you thought were your friends, turn against you when you decide to skip church every other Sunday and some Wednesdays... suddenly there are no home/visiting teacher visits, or phone calls, etc (not that we particularly enjoyed any of those things, but it still hurts to be ignored). DH realizes that these people's love is conditional, and that we won't be good enough, ever. He truly listens to me when I get very emotional and passionate about not bringing up our daughter (we're having a girl) in such an unhealthy place. So I don't have to worry about having my husband for support in this.
But I don't have a job (was just getting certifed to be a respite worker in my state when we discovered we were pregnant--they wouldn't let me become one after that), and DH is still working on his college degree (as am I). We don't get a lot of money, and we supplement it with food stamps and WIC. We barely make it through each month. I've recently made a deal with a member to do her laundry for 150 bucks (for 15 hours of work). If we leave now, we'll be cutting ourselves off completely from everyone at church (because you know nobody would talk to us after that), and we'll be one more struggling family that has nobody to turn to for friendship or help. Nowhere is hiring in our small town, so the only way I can supplement DH's income is to do housework (with a huge belly and then a newborn) for members. You'd think our tithing would give us the leverage to ask for financial help, but the bishop never seems too into the idea of helping us with an electric bill. So we stopped paying tithing a few months ago when it became apparent that it was for nothing.
What should we do? I'm sorry if my rant was too long or I seemed too mopey. I have nowhere else to turn. Please, do you have any ideas?

you have to do what is best for your family. Which includes mentally best.

Raising a little girl in the church could turn her into a major second class citizen. You may struggle for a while but which is worse? Only you can make that decision. One of you may need to cut back on schooling for a while. And when the other is graduated and has a job the one that cut back can go. My wife and I had to do that and we didn't even have kids.

Utah? The Morridor?

You might want to continue on as you are for a while (less active) to maintain relationships so that you can survive financially.

Ask your bishop for food help. If he refuses to help, call your local government's resource line (or local non-Mo churches) to find the location of a community food pantry. Call your power company and ask if they have an assistance program for low-income people. Etc.

If one or the both of you are attending college right now, use their resources as well. Colleges often reserve certain on-campus jobs for current students. They also might have on-campus day care.

You might want to consider moving at some point closer to a metropolitan area where there are more employment opportunities.

I'm sure that you know that your hormones are going to be all over the place right now. So if you find yourself in an anxious or desparing mood, remember that, "this too shall pass."

And enjoy your new baby when she arrives. :-)

It is illegal for them to not hire you because of your pregnancy. You should consider speaking to them again. If you have hard evidence (tape recording would be useful) of their reasons for not hiring you then you can sue.

If you are looking for social support you should look at other churches. Most of them have programs that reach out to the public and are available to anyone, not just their members.

Your baby won't be a newborn forever, so don't despair. Do not feel guilty for putting the baby in reputable child-care center if you need to help support your family.

It sounds like this baby was a surprise and you cannot afford her, emotionally or financially.

You do have the legal option of terminating the pregnancy, you know.

The morg most likely will not help you much and, if your family can't help out, you are looking at many problems. Having children too soon can be a real setback.

Your other alternative is to apply for additional aid through welfare, depending on what state you're in.

But either way,it would be wise to dump the church. Mormonism wants your money and your free work, and as many kids as you can produce for the cult.

My, how endearing your thoughts are to "terminate your pregnancy." Your cavalier suggestion gives not a hint of thought to the additional emotional stress that decision would bring to someone already in a vulnerable, depressed state of mind.

She obviously wants to be a good mother to her DAUGHTER--that is the point of her post--she doesn't want to raise her child in the morg. Any suggestions for the OP should be within the boundaries that she has expressed--financial help for her little family.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2010 11:03AM by Timothy.

Tell me you aren't serious. She is going to terminate an 8 month pregnancy? I really don't think so.

She's 32 weeks along. I would think terminating the pregnancy would not be an option.

knotheadusc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> She's 32 weeks along. I would think terminating
> the pregnancy would not be an option.

EXACTLY. WTF Glo???

She said she is 14 weeks pregnant and termination is most certainly one of her options.

It said 32 weeks when I read it.

You and your husband sure seem to be on the same page regarding less and less church involvement. You sound lonely, scared, and maybe a little depressed. Your financial situation sounds very tough, but it is bound to get better; you are both ambitious and getting degrees and certifications. They will pay off!

After you've gotten on your feet after the birth of your daughter, you might connect with mom's groups in your area. Check out Mom's Clubs and there just might be one where you live. Being a new mother will be demanding and you can use someone in the same boat to talk to.

If you are planning to nurse, spend some good time with a lactation consultant so you get off to a good start. Also, tell your husband not to let you get too sleep-deprived. That's the main element in post-partum depression.

I hope you post here often; it will be fun to follow all the excitement with you and your new baby!

PS I'm glad you're not paying tithing; it's such a scam!

Definitely I think one should cut back on schooling.... perhaps your hubby so you can have some money now....and then have like three months at least with a new baby before you may venture out....it will be here around Feb. 1st right? Then in May you could have met people who could watch her and you could work part time. Many good people are looking for work. Some women would be great as a temporary nanny. My
daughter did it for a newborn one summer. She loved it.

I guess you are saying no parents would help you at all. I helped my convert daughter and her mormon hubby when they went through a bankrupcy. I was happy to do it. Sad it happened- all due to her marrying too soon and him getting involved in a business with his brothers. This is another reason that Mormonism is so bad. Mormons don't generally prepare for a rainy day. And by the way the Mormon SIL's parents were nearly as poor as they were at the time, so no help there.

Think of the baby right now. The baby does have to have her needs met and you need to be happy about this baby. I think things will turn around. Do all you can to stay positive.

My other daughter is also looking for a job- has been for 4 months. It is tough out there. Do you have a sibling? Or is the Mormon thing what prevents them from helping? Did you ever have a nonmormon friend?

You and hubby can do this. But start with a fresh look at being a new parent....it is so wonderful and jsut know life has his ups and downs- and for you one UP is his willingness to give up Mormonism. Your daughter will be so happy one day. She will be the blessing you need right now. Although hard, there is help out there - many churches will help with food and clothing. My church does. Don't be afraid to ask for help. But hubby's schooling could be put on hold so he could make you some money. I would push for that. TEll him, family first!!!

how quite suddenly all your friends can desert you. I thought I had a lot of friends at church. Then I had a disagreement with the Bishop and he went around lying about what had happened to cover his butt. Not one single person asked me for my side of the story. Not one. I sympathize deeply with you and want to tell you it isn't personal ... it's programming. My sister asked the bishop in her ward to release her from YW presidency so she could finish her MA thesis. She is very active, husband is the ward clerk etc. but she needed to scale back temporarily. The bishop was very understanding but the sisters in the ward dropped her like she was a stranger. She was really upset at getting dumped, just because she wasn't at everything, all the time. See what I mean? Mormons don't provide a good support system. They only provide support as a reward for your good behavior. It's hard and it takes time, but you can find real friends somewhere else. Once your baby is here and you are feeling better, getting involved in a Mommies group is a great way to meet people. And really, cyber friends are pretty good too. Because we will listen and understand and not jump to conclusions and look at things objectively. And understand when Mormons are driving you crazy. Good luck to you.

@Confused

WOW I hear your anguish, grief, anger, disappointment, and helplessness so much in your writing. Just want to give you hugs!! I can so relate to the feelings you express here; BEEN THERE and DONE THAT I assure you, as well as going through each painful process of extracting the "hooks" of the cult from our family's flesh one-by-one as we pulled away.

The terror and fear and helplessness are real. In our case it took two years to finally complete the journey to a stable healthy place finally culminating in family resignation from the cult. In many ways I am amazed we made it.

Actually one helpful principle I discovered during the 40 years that I was a TBM was the principle of three degrees. When changing direction in life it is often feels so urgent to change 90 degrees (or 180 degrees!), and we are often thwarted in our efforts because we bite off more than we can chew. Wisdom suggests that if we often merely choose to move 3 degrees, in the beginning it is not very much. But after traveling some distance or time, the small 3 degrees becomes a huge gap.

The facts here (and I am REALLY BIG on due diligence these days) are that you and your young family have gotten SO MANY things right!

* You have been willing to explore evidence outside the box in regards to the mormon cult
* it is notable that you both perceive the "fruits" of mormonism
* you clearly exhibit some skill and ability to communicate and support each other in your marriage.
* you clearly exhibit compassion, respect and empathy for your husband's journey -- VERY uncommon in the cult.
* you are both doing the right thing by putting one foot in front of the other, staying in school, working on a foundation
* you are also trying to creatively manage your income opportunities as best you can
* you are planning for your parenthood as best you can with limited resources
* you are willing to square your shoulders and utilize the public resources you have available such as WIC. You are EXACTLY the people these programs were created to serve!!
* you appear to be willing to work and adapt and to jump on opportunities and to do whatever it takes.

I hear your frustration and anxiety and fear for the future in your words, but let me try to assure you that ALL THIS WILL PASS. You have no idea HOW MANY THINGS YOU HAVE GOING FOR YOU! You are on the tangent that seems so small and useless but that in a month, a season, a year, will be so huge. The 3 degrees principle will pay off for you I assure you.

As for the cult, just remember that the entire thing is fantasy, having authority that is fantasy, and though it is believed by many it is in fact fantasy. These people have no authority or control or influance over you now that you have seen the evidence. You have PLENTY on your plate adn this is where you need to focus.

As another poster suggested, manage your boundaries and decide how to engage the cult. For a long time our answers were as follows:

cult:us
How is your family doing?: We're fine! Thanks for asking!(smile) (no elaboration)
Can you come in and meet with the Bishop/President/Whatever?: No thanks, we'll let you know if we wish to meet, but thanks for asking! (smile) (no elaboration)
Can we come over and visit/meet with you/see how you're doing?: No thanks, we have so much going on that it isn't helpful at the moment, but thanks for asking (smile) (no elaboration)
Haven't seen you in church for a long time are you OK?: We're fine! Thanks for asking!(smile) (no elaboration)

I think you get the idea here. Soon we actually never thought at all about the church or the drama of the tbm's obsessing about our eternal souls. It was all just foolish people with foolish fantasies. We felt sorry for them.

Please take a moment and celebrate how far you've come and how much you have going for you. You have miles to go before you sleep but you have TOOLS and SKILLS far beyond many others. You will get there!

Think of the positives ahead.

I wasn't even sure I wanted children when our baby was born, but we have an 18-month old now, and he is the best thing in the world. We can barely afford to keep ourselves fed, but for now we're just enjoying these lean days with our (not so lean) little boy.

It was when my wife was pregnant with him that I started to seriously consider if I wanted to raise my children in the church. It is a difficult decision, and you can feel quite lonely.

The best decision you have made so far is to hold on to your tithing money. I was an elders quorum president, so some of the members making requests for financial requests were filtered first through me. As you've already experienced, the odds are stacked against you getting any assistance from the church. Lots of paperwork is filled out, recommendations made, budgets discussed . . but at the end of the day, I rarely saw the bishop agree to pass on a little help to the needy. . . people like you who had once paid into the system faithfully.

Once you are out of the church, you will lose a social network. But you will also get a 10% raise, more free time (no callings or senseless ward activities), and a much fresher outlook on life. The church tends to give you the outlook that it is you against the world. Almost as soon as you are out of the church, you will begin to see opportunities for friendships and employment a little more clearly.

I know having that first child can be intimidating. I also know from watching my wife's mood swings, it is an emotional time. But seriously, congratulations on making it this far, and soon you'll be able to spend time with that little unit that's been giving you all this grief!

I was raised in an atheist home and we clearly were not "one more struggling family that has nobody to turn to for friendship or help" Struggling, at times, but there are plenty of people that are around to turn to.


In most places there are support groups for mothers that could replace whatever the support you may lose as you leave TSCC. I do not know were you live but a google search on "mothers support group [City Name]" and a little digging should lead you to a list of groups to choose from. Here is some of what I found doing such a search on Salt Lake:

http://gocitykids.parentsconnect.com/sub-category/salt-lake-city-ut-usa/resources/parents-resources/parenting-support/playgroups

http://moms.meetup.com/cities/us/ut/salt_lake_city/

Just because you leave TSCC does not mean there is nobody to turn to.

Wait??? You are taking WIC and paying tithing?!

I'm a good liberal, but I don't appreciate someone taking public assistance and then handing their money over to some church. Charity is for excess money. If you have to take WIC and have to ask the church for help with electricity, then you have no business paying tithing.

Of course, the LDS church is just a greedy corporation, so it has no scruples, but they should not allow welfare recipients to pay tithing. I consider that welfare fraud. Welfare is to help you get on your feet and care for your family, not to give away to some church.

Here's how to quit the church:

1) Stop going
2) Stop paying
3) Tell them to leave you alone

If you have to work out the emotional and intellectual aspects of leaving, then keep studying and talking to your husband. The physical and financial aspects of leaving are easy. You owe them nothing and they will give you nothing. Just walk away, and for God's sake, stop giving taxpayer money to the LDS Church!

To axeldc:
"Reading for Comprehension" is a class you and Glo might consider taking together. If you're going to accuse someone of fraud, get your facts straight.

Here's what the OP said, "So we stopped paying tithing a few months ago when it became apparent that it was for nothing." You can climb down from that high horse now.

While some of your advice might be helpful to someone, do you think arrogantly harping on a depressed, pregnant woman is the most helpful approach? Also, your simplistic steps for leaving the church might have worked for you, but it's not that easy for everyone. Otherwise, there wouldn't be much of a need for this board. With your judgmental attitude, you'd fit right back in at the Morg.

To the OP:
Congratulations on having the courage to make these tough decisions while you're feeling sick and tired, and while your hormones are all over the place.

You are actively seeking a plan to create a better life for your family and that is admirable. Some posters gave you some really good advice, imo, so I hope you can ignore the few jackasses who are incapable of reading what you so clearly wrote.

Things will get better because time gives most of us perspective about leaving the church, and more importantly, you are willing to invest time and energy making them better. Leaving the Morg is the best gift you can give your daughter.

My best to you as you go through this tumultuous (but also exciting) time. Update us as often as you want or need. You will find much support here.

Thanks for showing me how to be non-judgmental. You seem to have mastered it well.

I am not in the US, so cant give you any useful advice on your current situation
but, please consider this
the church has used you... it has taken your money in tithing and abused your trust.

*at the moment*, it may be easier if you dont totally cut all ties with the church.
don't make things harder for yourself. TSCC church has used you and taken your tithing money try and get something back, and use their resources/help where you can.

my final thought is
you know what the church teaches to women, you know that a female mormon is a second class citizen..... as you child grows up, please dont put your daughter through that

Thank you, everybody. I didn't think I'd get so many replies!
I can't terminate at this point, I'm 32 weeks along and love my daughter now.
@Axeldc--No, I stopped paying tithing already. Now I'm on WIC. I'm sorry if I confused you with the way I worded my post.
Everyone--Now, an interesting thing happened last night regarding tithing. I wrote here last night while my husband was in class, and I was with him at the community college. Somehow, I decided to accompany him to the ward building last night, because I thought I'd be able to talk to that woman about the laundry/cleaning job (sometimes she's there on Wednesdays). As it turns out, she wasn't there. But we decided to stay for a bit while my little brother practiced for a ward Christmas play with the others. We hid out in the Mothers' Room and made fun of the depressing artwork that's tacked up on the bulletin board in there (seriously... women in pioneer dresses, simultaneously breastfeeding and VACUUMING their floors!). This lasted for a good twenty minutes when the bishop poked his head in, and said, "Can I catch you two for tithing settlement?" Obviously, he knew we had nothing else to do, that if we said, "No," then we'd be lying. Basically, we ended up staring at each other for about twenty seconds, with wide eyes, while the bishop stared at us. We followed him into his office. (Just so it's noted, I'd been avoiding the bishopric like the plague for a while because of awkward situations like these... I had to go and get complacent and look where it got us!) He then sat us down and very seriously asked us, without a hint of a smile on his face, "You know that paying tithing is a commandment, right?" We just looked down at our hands (classic guilty behavior, I know) and didn't say anything. My husband looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and I felt sorry for him, so I managed to speak up. I said something along the lines of, "I know what you're going to say... about how if you pay tithing the Lord will bless you. I've heard the talks, I've read the magazines, I've heard the lessons. But we really can't afford it. I know it's ten percent, just like everyone else has to pay, but we need that ten percent. We have to pay our electric bill, our insurance, our rent, etc... If we pay tithing, one of those would be shortchanged."
The bishop looked like he felt sorry for us (he really is a very nice man, just very TBM, been bishop three times now), and said we were "good kids." He asked what he could do to help. Now, I knew what he wanted us to do; he wanted us to actually ask for help. Maybe you guys think I'm backward in some way, but it makes no sense to me to pay over a hundred bucks in tithing on a limited income, and then turn around and ask for church welfare. We pretty much got put away the idea of asking for help MONTHS ago, when we stopped paying tithing. It wouldn't be right.
But, he was looking for an answer. So, I managed to get out that we'd had savings for a long time, but that we depleted it over the last year trying to feed my brothers (both young teens that are sort of homeless), and keep them clean and all that. Also we just chipped away at it by buying baby things. The bishop said he could give us food vouchers. I said that's not really the issue anymore, it's more about the electric bill (we have electric baseboard heating in a drafty old house). He offered to let us borrow his kerosene heater (two-gallon tank) for the winter, to help us put plastic over the windows, gave us suggestions for cutting the costs. ALL if we agreed to pay tithing again. It was a very WTF moment for me. And THEN he said that based on our "poverty level," we could probably qualify for food stamps.
:O
Food stamps... AND pay tithing?!
Yeah. He said he KNEW we'd rather be "temple-worthy" than have the extra bit of money, because we're faithful kids. He then said that he was worried about us, he knew we weren't as happy as we could be because he could see it in our eyes (yeah, maybe that's because we don't like the church!) In the end, he said he had to declare us as not "full tithe payers." I kind of groaned in my head and said, "Understandable." We grabbed my brother and left immediately, it was getting late anyway (the bishop had us in his office for awhile, and play practice was over).
I didn't want to start anything with my husband, so I didn't say much at all on the way home. In fact, I managed to keep off the topic of tithing for a full two hours after we got back, while we ate a quick dinner and got ready for bed. But once we were in bed, I very softly said, "We can't afford it." And he very softly replied, "I know."
A few minutes later, I said, "I know you feel guilty over it. I do, too, in a way, even though I know better. It's just the way we've been taught to feel. But... if we pay tithing again, just to be able to accept help from the church, it will make it that much harder for us to leave when the time comes." He just remained quiet, so I continued, even more softly:
"Not to mention, we'll never save up enough money to move away, start a college fund, afford health insurance, buy a newer car when this one craps out... morally and financially, it'd be ruin for us... so I have to ask you, are you going to ask that I be willing to pay it? Do we have to pay it?" And, readers, he hugged me tightly and said, "No, we don't have to pay it. And we won't. You're right."
It made me very happy. But even with that load off, there was still quite a bit of stress in the air for me. I couldn't sleep. I took a hot shower, ate a snack, even tried rocking myself (lol). Nothing worked, I was too keyed-up. I couldn't figure out how NOT paying tithing would play out positively for us. It seemed that we were doomed no matter what we chose to do. We'd lose "friends" and the respect of the bishop, and our temple-worthiness status would reach DH's family at some point. Eventually, though, an idea occurred to me! We'd find a new church! One that had no denomination, so we wouldn't have to pretend to believe anything at all. As I tried to figure out where to find a place like this, a light bulb lit up inside my head--there's an independent Christian church, nondenominational, just a block or two away from our house! I felt so ENERGIZED, so I gently shook my husband awake and asked him if he'd be willing to check out a different church this Sunday. I said that we could make new friends, actual REAL friends, without being expected to make ten-percent donations to the organization. And we could skip anytime we wanted to, no callings to worry about, etc. I told him about the church I was interested in. One of the best things about this place (so my friends outside the MORG have told me) is that you can show up dressed any way you want (the pastor dresses in sweats sometimes), and that they actually believe in MUSIC. Not dreadfully slow hymns that bore the living daylights out of you, but complete with DRUMS and GUITARS and BEATS. I know that all sounds so superficial, but you guys must surely understand the need to NOT be controlled by a church. No need to wear baggy jumper-dresses or white dress shirts... no feeling guilty over not being able to accept a Sunday School calling... I feel really good about this. My husband is a little scared, but willing to check it out with me. I'm so lucky to have him. Oh, and our daughter won't be owned by a bunch of old white men telling her that the most important thing she could ever do would be to get married in the temple!
This feels ALMOST like divine providence, but I'm not willing to let myself get that far just yet. Just testing the waters. But, OH, the FREEDOM to CHOOSE!
Do you guys have any experiences trying out new churches? Please, share them, I'd love to hear about them. :)

Your story really touches me confusedinck. I have 7 daughters,6 of them adult. You seem very mature and your husband very sweet and thoughtful. And you have a loving marriage! That is wonderful in itself. Always put each other first,actually I guess I should say put your relationships with each other right up there with the care you give to your own needs. You will be wonderful parents because of your love for each other and respect for each other. You will pass that on to your sweet daughter.

As far as churches...After not attending the mormon church for almost a year (attending no church) I went to my #2 exmo daughters non denominational church. Holy Cow!!! I loved it from the moment I walked through the door. From day one I was treated with such respect and concern and the joy I felt was off the charts. Everyone was sooooo happy!! The pastors (3) dress anyway the feel like,there is a 10 piece band and at least 6 vocalists every week,and the music is amazing! And the best part is we ONLY talk about God and Jesus. Nothing about prophets,Joseph Smith,missionaries,temples,TITHING. People come in their jeans,with their coffee. If they need to smoke,they walk outside and don't feel humiliated. My 2 youngest (10 and 7) love their classes and leaders. We are there 70 minutes total.Then we go home and do what ever we want. Play with the neighbor kids? Sure! Run to the store? Sure! I and my children were immediately shunned by the mormons once I stopped attending the morg. I have 1 friend from the ward that still speaks to me. 1. Pretty sad isn't it? You are very lucky your dh is on board with you.Things will be much easier for you. You 2 remain strong. You are so right in your feelings about the mormon church. You will be so much happier once you leave. The freedom you will feel is delicious!! Good luck to you and enjoy your soon to be daughter! Hugs!!

Get outta that environment while you can!!! That is what I had to do. Unfortunately I had to leave a job I loved to get away from the morg. I still dont have a job, but it was worth it to get away from the cult. Start looking at jobs outaa state. It is up to you, if you want to stay and be miserable, OR make a change and get happier.

Start there: do not attend. I see you stopped paying tithing. That was a necessary first step.
Keep your beliefs personal, don't discuss with anyone but your husband. No interviews, no bishop's visits etc.

This is your life!

If you need extra help, go to Catholic charities, and/or a food bank in your area.

Take care of your self - it's hormone hell for awhile! :-) When the baby is a couple of months old, look for some kind of work, usually part time, is my suggestion, at first anyhow.
Then work into something full time -- my view is to share baby care with daddy or a family member.

Remember you are OK. If you don't want to be LDS, you don't have to. You can change your mind. Personally, I'd wait until your body has settled down (about 8 weeks) after the baby is born before making any major decisions.
Put yourself first right now. That baby needs a healthy mama!
And best wishes! :-)

Ditto the comment about Catholic Charities; they're very good and they help anyone in need, regardless of religion.

Thank you, everybody. Your comments are very helpful. Now I have a question for you.
I've got about seven weeks (maybe a little longer since it's my first) till the baby is here. And you say to wait about eight weeks after the baby is born for my hormones to calm down before making any major decisions about the church. Okay, I get that, it's logical, sound advice. But that's about fifteen or so weeks more of trying to dodge the bishop, staying in a Primary calling (which I was given about a month ago) that I honestly can't stand or really do as well as a non-hugely pregnant person, and other troubling things like that.
What advice would you give me so that I could stay for fifteen weeks without murdering someone? You see, I'm afraid that if I bring my baby into church after she's born, they're going to be pressuring us to get her blessed (I already told DH that I would not allow it), and then she'll be a child of record. And they'll attempt to use her as a guilt ploy against me. I guess I just really don't even want to open that can of worms, ever. How do I avoid being questioned by the bishop? At the end of the tithing settlement meeting, he told us to "think about paying tithing and get back to [him]." What, do we say, "We've decided against paying tithing" and let him disfellowship us, release us from our callings like we're criminals, and physically take away our recommends. Honestly, I just don't see the point in staying for any of that. I'd rather write a letter saying that we want released, we won't be using our recommends, and that we won't be in for the sacrament anyway.
What do you think?

I will clarify what I was trying to say. This is about taking your power back. You are getting a taste of the right you have to your freedom and making different choices and decisions.

I understand, I think, as best I can, what you are going through from what you have written.

My suggestion was to go inactive. By that I mean: ignore the LDS Church and refuse to talk to the bishop, do not attend, be unavailable for anymore interviews. If the bishop catches you off guard, just say NO thank you to any meetings, or interviews.

Go ahead and attend other churches. Do whatever you want to do as a family. You have a very supportive husband.

My statement about major decisions while pregnant, or right after the baby was born, was referring to a major decision like: official resignation or something more final. I didn't make that clear.

The bishop is some kind of fool, in my view. He has the capacity to give you money and food, but doesn't do it.
I know members who got plenty of money and food from the LDS Church and didn't pay any tithing.

Normally, they expect you to go to family for help, but you don't have anyone in the family, it appears, that can help you out temporarily.

Do what makes you happy! Take your power back!
You're OK. You're doing fine!