Let me tell you--dating in the real world SUCKS. Not that it was any better in mormonism, but WTF. What is wrong with men?

I have a coworker who recently told me his sad sad story of how his girlfriend cheated on him over Thanksgiving and how it was OVER. Well---I guess all sins are forgiven because they are back together! yayy! After 3 days!

I have no interest in this guy, but WTF men? I have seen this over and over again. Why do guys go after the girls who would do this, when there's me over here playing scrabble and, granted, watching too much TV, but I would never cheat! AGGGh! And I can't get a date! uggggghh. And wtf is wrong with women who cheat? Just be single! AggggghhhhH!

For some reason I thought not dating mormon men would be easier and more straightforward, but it's not. It just sucks, all around. bleeeghhhhhhhh

The only thing the Morman faith gave me that I am gratefull for is my loving and supportive husband. Sorry it sucks out there right now, but try to remember you can find a goodin it just takes time...and probably a little heartache along the way.

DH had the same complaint before we married. That women dated guys who treated them badly and these women put up with crap and all DH wanted was someone to love and treat like a princess and most girls just weren't interested. Until me, of course.

I think some people just have a savior complex. They want to save the crazy person they are dating from their own demons and be loved forever as a hero. Other people gravitate to what they are comfortable with. I have a friend who's parents never paid attention to him unless he was jumping through their Mormon achievement hoops. So of course, he married a woman who would impress his parents not someone who would meet his needs and of course, she makes him jump through hoops all the time and of course he is miserable. But he went with what he was used to, even though what he was used to was unhappiness.

When I was in my late 20s, restricting myself to dating Mormon guys and considered an old maid by my culture, I just kept telling myself "I only need to find one great guy". For some reason, that comforted me. And eventually, I found one that sounds the guy version of you - terrific and overlooked -- temporarily that is. You'll find someone who thinks you are wonderful just for who you are. Stay away from the weirdos with issues.

I used to think that line was complete BS, but the older I get the more I see it is true.

I would watch people treat their significant other like shit, they would break up and then be back together in no time. I don't know why it is, and it's not just in mormon relations, but people alway seem to crawl back to their abusers.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2010 11:34PM by mick.

People today just live like animals. You can't do anything without a contract and even at that, they will find a legal way to do something wrong. I got out of the real estate business because I was tired of renting to people who would trash my property and not pay rent, but were experts on knowing their rights.

In this society it's what you can get away with instead of it being right or wrong. Everything is corrupt now and everything is a scam. This is why everything is dysfunctional.

I often think what the world does need is a bunch of horrible natural disasters. What this would do is force people to work together locally. The ones who don't get along will just turn on each other and kill each other and the groups who get along will continue a more honest society.

Most, if not all people go through dry spells, and it's easy to get discouraged. Just for your own happiness you might try getting a "make over". When you look good, you feel good, and happiness is attractive. Don't go around with a goofy smile, but more of an inner peace. Look men in the eyes and smile. It's simple!

People, men and women generally are attracted to what each individually finds appealing. This is where the problem lies. If one can see past the appearance and find inner beuty in a person, and the other likewise, then a happy partnership ensues.

Women who say "all men are the same" forget that the type of man they are attracted to are all the same.

And men who use and abuse women should be shot.

I'd take you on a date, urg, but I'm afraid the Atlantic ocean is in the way.

Well, if that guy's girlfriend is a bone-thin tart, with a perky chest and willing to do certain things in the bedroom... Then there's your answer as to why he will put up with just about anything, and still take her back, lol. Some guys would rather have a complete b**ch who looks like a model, than a so-so-looking girl who's really loyal and decent.

And women like "bad boys" because (many of us) crave excitement. And yes, bad boys are extremely exciting, but they are also either handy with a fist, or major cheaters, lol. But women stick with them, because if they go with a boring guy, they're just gonna end up leaving him anyway out of dissatisfaction.

Love and dating are merciless and crazy, lol.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2010 12:16AM by melissa3839.

Women are attracted to "bad boys" because they like that these guys treat them different (initially) than other women. They see the guy treat someone like crap, then the guy turns around and is sweet to them so they think they're special somehow. Eventually the guy starts turning on them, but somehow it always ends up being the woman's fault. So when he does treat them bad it's not because they're a bad person, it's because they were provoked, or maybe no one else understands him except her, so again.. she is uniquely special.

Yeah I am with you. I have just recently started dating people that are not mormon and it is a different world out there. I knew how to date mormon girls and it is iteresting trying to adjust dating non mormon girls. So far the ones I have had success with are exmormon girls because I can relate to them haha.

Anyways, that sucks about your friend and hopefully he dumps this girl.

Don't worry not all guys suck there are some nice ones out there too bad a lot of girls are not attracted to the nice ones.

It is actually really interesting when I am not interested in a girl and I don't treat her like I like her she ends up liking me. But then when I am all nice to a girl they don't like me in return. Wow what a frustrating game.

At the end of my marriage I got involved with an old flame from my youth who was still married, but separated from his wife. I was so crazy about this guy, and thought we had something special. They finally divorced, and then it seemed he was no longer interested in me. While we were together he told me time and time again what a bitch his ex was, how much he hated her, how terrible their marriage was...you get the picture. We were off and on for a few years, then it was over.

I recently found out he is back with that awful bitch. Go figure.

So true, and I was just reading about this yesterday, as a matter of fact. Women don't like boring and predictable and neither do men. That's why I don't like Mormon girls. A guy doesn't have to be a jerk to be exciting and unpredictable though. It's just a common misconception. The real secret lies in you treating her like a normal person, not like she's too holy to touch, like I would have done, until I found out about what makes a girl tick. Treat her like your little bratty sister. That's better than being an ass and gets you just as far, according to all the things that I've read. I plan on taking a year break from school to get good with women. It seriously takes time and effort, according to those who actually succeed, but it becomes like clockwork after a while after you get it down. Apparently, if you know how to act with women, then they seriously will start acting with predictability as if they are programmed. But I hesitate to say the same of Mormon girls, since they are not programmed in the same way as normal people. In my experience, they tend to date Mr. Predictable, who's temple worthy, holds a calling, yada yada. It's a cultural thing. There's an art to it though and you need to know the methods. As a last thought, just one way of escalating tension in a girl...you need to escalate things in that way from the get-go. Punch her arm, hold her shoulder while finishing a text, shoulder bump her in a playful way. That is what is known as escalating kino, to those in the know. It also diffuses them. I have learned so much from the pick-up artist community....

the dumbest thing I have ever read on RFM, and that is saying something.

You will never in your life meet more available, interesting, attractive and baggage-free women than you will in school. And, frankly, you'll never have less competition. Once you move on to the real world all the escalating kino in the world doesn't go as far as having discretionary income.

"You will never in your life meet more available, interesting, attractive and baggage-free women than you will in school. And, frankly, you'll never have less competition. Once you move on to the real world all the escalating kino in the world doesn't go as far as having discretionary income."

That is so true. But if he has a good enough job while taking a break, he may have the income to attract women. He just needs to walk around a college campus during his lunchbreaks sporting a really expensive backpack, a Fossil watch and nice shoes.

What planet is this?

Now if it were a let's say....uh...Breitling, U-Boat or Philip Stein..we might be getting somewhere.

Along with the 'trouble' I am more than capable of getting into on my own...sometimes I pretend "Wow, what if Joseph Smith were my wingman?"

We would kill the scene...just KILL IT!

I am learning this right now as well. Take it slow.

Interesting topic. Until I got divorced, my entire life circumstance was the ultimate cock blocker (if you catch my drift). I went from HS to the military to a full time mission to marriage in the temple to 22 years of morgafication. I never really had time to sew my "wild oats", to coin a phrase.

After I left the church and was divorced, I wallowed around in guilt, shock, anger... you know the drill.

I had (still have) a great female friend that virtually bitch slapped me back into consciousness. Her advice:

"Ron, wake the hell up. Get out there and screw every skirt you can get your hands on. Make sure you both understand that it's just sex and get it out of your system."

Interesting, I thought, but no way can that happen. Well, it actually did. I started taking photography classes, learned to love antiquing, went to swap meets for high-dollar quilt trading, and attended cooking classes. I had more one-time, no-holds-barred, holy crap you're gonna kill me, sexual encounters that I can't even tell you the final tally (not that it deserved to be tallied). All were concentual with nobody's feelings hurt when the next phone call never came.

This lasted a satisfying 2 years and then I figured it was time to find someone for a monogamous relationship. Okay, admittedly I'm not too good at that, but over the next 10 years I had two relationships that lasted over 4 years each. I won't get into the deep details, but they disintegrated over time. One hated my Harley (blasphemy) and the other conjured up in her mind that I was having affairs with ex-mo's (long story) on my way home from work. With no ex-mo's that I know within 150 miles of me, I just laughed and that was the end of that.

It really is hard to find baggage-free mates, particularly in my age group (50+). Women with the "bad-boy" syndrome (always end up with the asshat that abuses them in some fashion) and men with the "gutless syndrome" (won't stand their ground with women who are high-maintenance and psychotic), tend to repeatedly be like "dogs returning to their own vomit" (sorry, biblical, but appropriate).

For younger folks, I pity y'all. I train financial analysts and I'm astounded by this new Entitlement Generation. Everything should be handed to them on a platter without any effort on their part. Well, join the real world, you whiney little spoiled brats! It's not all about you! Get real. Your marriage won't last 5 years.

So, from my point of view, it all depends upon what you want. Wanna get laid with no strings? Not hard to do. Wanna find someone to be a companion, long term, and be monogamous? That requires some work and due diligence. Approach folks in an environment that you enjoy (hobbies, etc.) and go for it.

Okay, that's about it. I will be the first to admit that I sometimes wish my "wild oats" stage could have lasted longer, but the older I get, the more tired I remain and I'm just not up to it. ;)

Just sayin'...

Ron

Is it just me, or in the morg are you expected to be in an exclusive relationship after about two dates?

On one hand, you don't have to date a hundred girls before you find one worth staying with.

On the other, you're stuck with the first loony girl that caught your attention in sunday school.

Lose the Scrabble(unless that's a euphamisim), that game is penis repellent!

I wish I could find the link, but I was reading a post yesterday about dating (on another site) and there was a really insightful summary.

Basically it's all about "value". The nice guys in most cases display low value because they're willing to trip all over themselves to impress a woman...and they end up in the "friend zone". The guys who are confident, content with their life, happy etc...display high value, but this also includes the jerks.

It wasn't until I focused on myself and my own happiness that I met my wife. We were attracted to each other because there was no pressure to be a white knight or my missing half. We were 2 complete individuals who don't "need" each other, but like being together.

I think the best idea to have if you are single is: I am not alone...I am lone. Like lone ranger, lone gunmen a lone wolf.

Ok, I found the link: http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/my-mans-ultimate-guide-successful-dating-698402/



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2010 12:13PM by Rob.

Thanks for the link! That's a really interesting article...it's true that when I'm happy with my life things just fall into place in the romance area. I need to remember that.

I guess what's bothering me is just the whole culture out there. Believe me, I am no fan of mormon dating, but I also hate this casual, let's have fun no strings attached attitude that seems to be prevalent everywhere else. It just seems people are using and being used by each other. It's just so sad, you know?

I used to think it was my uptight upbringing rearing its ugly head, but now I think this is just me. I can't and won't do casual. idk...I guess it's different for women.

Thanks guys, it's been interesting to read through these and I'm glad I'm not alone.

I think dateing is a nithrmare anyway. The whole ting about not being good enough has hit hard. I'm almost blind and I really dont want to spend the rest of my life sitting alone. I need peoples help sometimes I cant get away from that. But because of that the guys that look at me and want me ate the ones that think its normal and healthy to start to control my life and stop me from doing some of the things I can still do. They also feel like they are the white knight type comeong along to save me so manners get to stupidity and I cant get around because well ladies first so I dont hear a familier pair of shoes intront of me givieng me an idea of where to go. I dont want to be a pampard princess or a litle pet blinky to show off I want to be treated like a person. Just no guy ever seems to see this.

Mormon guys are dull and boring or they have some rather nasty streak and still they dont treat me like a person so I wont look at them twice.