My sister has been here for Thanksgiving. Yesterday was her last day and the three of us went shopping and got a treat. I got the cappuccino...

Her reaction was as if I was killing someone in front of her.

She ignored me for the rest of the day. I called later in the afternoon to see why she was so mad( even though I knew). I just wanted to get some things resolved.

Well, it ended up with her and I yelling, her finding out I am agnostic, how I disrespect them, blah blah blah. It was as bad a phone call as when I told them Hubby and I didn't believe the church.

She was so mad she had dad get on. He said they had thought to call the police... what? It's now illegal to drink cappuccino?

They have totally been the ones to disrespect us. They take over in our house and pray, not even asking if they can. I brought this up and mom said it was because I would never give them the chance.

Ever since we have been out, we still let them take our kids to the visitors center, they take our kids to clean the church, and we go to their ward pot lucks periodically. I bend over backwards to please them.

Arg! Sorry for the rant. I am so hurt over the entire thing.

I wish they had called the police. That would have been priceless. Did they expect you to be arrested? Geez! I think I would set up some strong boundaries with them and, if they can't handle it, I would reduce contact or even cut them off.

Like telling them in advance that they are welcome to stay in your home as long as they respect you and your non-religious views. That if they want to bring their religion into the places they are staying, they can stay at a Motel, not your home.

Also, it is time to stop bending over backwards to please people that will not be pleased until you live your life exactly how they say you should live your life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2010 08:57AM by MJ.

What you do in your home or in public so long as it is legal and cappuchino is legal, is up to you. Tell her you will live by her rules in her home, but you make the rules in yours. If you don't want praying, say so, That is up to you,Whether you allow you kids to attend church functions is also up to you. I might rethink both of those issues, particularly if she is going to contine to be so intolerant of you.Let her know that respect works both ways.

done. I don't think we'd have had a relationship otherwise.

Time, independence and distance helped a lot.

It sounds like you might be still pretty tied to them in some ways. Why would you go to ward dinners with them? Are they doing a lot of baby sitting?

Unfreaking believable...call the police!?! Who, the church police? The Danites? Wow...you should have pointed out that hot chocolate has nearly as much caffiene in it so what's the big deal?

You should ask if you were adopted because by all appearances their DNA isn't in you. That's just whack!

I'm gonna call the police? What color is the sky on your father's planet?

Ron

...if yer folks called to report you for drinkin a cappuccino. They might of even got in trouble, esp. if they called 911 for that! My dad he is a 911 dispatcher and oooh he gets ticked when folks use it for silly stuff, like "So and so called me a name!" One guy even called 911 in the middle of the nite to say his toilet wouldn't flush.

The other thing is, I'm just a dog but I wouldn't want no pups of mine helpin to clean a nasty old Mo-church. Think of the germs dude! I can see em doin fun stuff but NOT that. Eww.

During our conversation my dad said that his ancestors and my moms ancestors died for this religion. I then said...

I know you and mom would die for it. I know what you promised in the temple before they changed it, that you would disembowel yourselves for it. I can not make that kind of commitment to something I don't believe in. I then said that if he had a gun in his hand he would kill himself for it. He agreed.

I said the only thing I was willing to die for was my kids and my husband.

Stupid stupid cult.

heather Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> During our conversation my dad said that his
> ancestors and my moms ancestors died for this
> religion. I then said...
>
> I know you and mom would die for it. I know what
> you promised in the temple before they changed it,
> that you would disembowel yourselves for it. I
> can not make that kind of commitment to something
> I don't believe in. I then said that if he had a
> gun in his hand he would kill himself for it. He
> agreed.
>
> I said the only thing I was willing to die for was
> my kids and my husband.
>
> Stupid stupid cult.

Wow, Your family is making my wackjob family seem normal! You need to distance your kids from them. Did his ancestors get killed for being mormon? I think Mo's throw that around to loosely. I had a few great, great Unc's that died in skirmishes with the Utes(according to family stories), but the Utes didn't give a damn if they where Mo's or not.

The fact that this all came up over a cappuccino is alarming to me. How does that turn into calling the police, and dying?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2010 10:25AM by jon1.

Way Way too much drama!!!!!
And besides, as Gus said in Lonesome Dove, "It ain't dying I'm talking about, it's living."
Begin to live your life with as little of that insanity as you can.

Wow. If a cup of cappuccino warrants such a reaction including calling the police (!?), do you worry what her reaction would be if she's alone with the kids and something comes up that goes against the Mormon beleifs? Like if they get to drink Coke or like coffee flavored ice cream or something that goes against the mormon way (that for the rest of the world is totally normal)? What other seemingly benign act will promote such a strong reaction? I know I can be paranoid sometimes, but I think I'd put a stop to any alone visits at this point. I've had some things happen around my mom that completely blew my trust and it was years before I allowed alone time again. I needed to be present or my sister. It seems you could stand to tighten boundaries all the way around.

When they grew up they got to make their choices. They got to raise their children the way they saw fit. Now it's your turn. They might not align with "the Mormon way," and your parents might not like it, but you're still good people. It seems to me you've been very flexible and have done everything in your power to maintain a harmonious relationship. A cup of coffee blew that to bits. Respect works both ways.

Threatening to calling the police over cappuccino is a priceless story that should be told around the fire for generations to come. You should write down the details before you forget.

"Gather 'round, children. It's story time. What will it be? Red Riding Hood? Goldilocks?"

"No, mama. Tell us about the time grandpapa and grandmama threatened to call the police over cappuccino."

"Okay, children. It was a dark and stormy night..."

Seriously, that's the absolute nuttiest thing I think I've ever heard on RfM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2010 10:35AM by Makurosu.

Back off for awhile.

Be too busy to take phone calls, don't make calls, don't go shopping, have over-nighters, etc.
Give the kids a break also.

Your mother and father have a sense of entitlement they do not have. They know how to push your buttons, and rattle you. Not uncommon. They think they have rights they do not have.

Everything is fine as long as it's your parents idea, you live as they want, and don't rock their world.

I think they need at least six months or more to cool off and to learn to behave like adults.

Being invited to your home is a privilege not a right. They have overstepped their bounds to many times.

Especially don't send the kids over to them.

Your children don't need to clean a building they have no stake in.

They don't need to go to the propaganda center.

They don't need to be brainwashed.

They especially don't need to be around people who are so unstable that they feel that drinking a legal beverage could ever be grounds for calling the police (or was he saying that because of the argument?).

Anyway, DO take a break. Don't call, if they call just speak polite nonsense to them and get off, don't visit, don't allow the kids to visit. If the kids are old enough, explain to them that you need some space until the family realizes what good boundaries are. (Excellent chance to teach your children about their right to boundaries and to enforce their boundaries, by the way.) And just leave it. No need to be confrontational, they're not stupid in most ways.

If they DO push it and your DO want to say something, just keep it simple:

"I'm giving us some space because you guys don't understand appropriate personal boundaries."

No arguments, no explanations, no excuses. Just keep it simple and to the point. :)

This story really is hard to believe. The police?

Or is he just bombastic and threatening and outrageous as a general rule?

My dad is one of the most peaceful guys on the planet. I am sure it was mom doing all the talking and he was just conveying the message.

You need to keep your kids away from these people! While they are with them, there is very little doubt that your kids are being indoctrinated.
Hire a sitter, it's cheaper in the long run.

Also, don't let the MOs stay in your ome anymore. Who needs this cult nonsense.

This is the exact reaction I would get from my mom. I am still not brave enough to let her know that I drink coffee or tea. Good for you! I am proud of you for getting the treat you really wanted. It is NOT evil. Your parents are brainwashed to think it is. They have no control over what you do as an adult and don't let them. :) I completely understand the hurt feelings, though. That part is hard. Much love.

Hilarious! I would have called the police for them. And then sat back and watched them try to explain to the cops exactly which law had been broken. Where I live, the cops would probably charge you a nuisance fee for making them come out to handle a call like that. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it was actually a crime to report noncrimes as crimes in some areas. I know the police in my town have much better things to do than monitor the legal beverages of legal consenting adults. Criminy, a cappucino isn't even illegal for a KID to drink.

It would be one thing if you gave your minor child a beer at a family gathering and then dad threatened to call the police. That's actually, okay not reasonable, but at least a crime would be involved.

Oh, and just before the cops left, I'd ask to have a restraining order against the family members who called them. "Oh, while you're here... these people are uninvited guests. Can you help me get a TRO?" :>D Yes, right in front of them.

Boundaries.

Sorry about your T-Day, Heather. Beloved never-mo spouse and I don't do holidays with tbm family and haven't for many years for the reasons you state above. Holidays are meant to be fun. Mormons go out of their way to ruin festive occasions.

Round these parts, Thanksgiving centers on three things; Food, Football and Beer (not necessarily in that order). Those who might not care for one or more of these luxuries are more than welcome to share the day and equally welcome to take a hike should they find such indulgences offensive. In any event, dissent will not be tolerated.

We tend to make rather merry on holidays which is why, I suppose, TBM family members rarely stop by. My only regret is that they miss out on some pleasant moments. One Thanksgiving, TBM mom surprisingly stopped by for dinner. We had a lot of friends over who, as mentioned, are very much into the food, football and beer thing. Mom was obviously uncomfortable, but there wasn’t much Beloved and I could do. We simply weren’t going to halt the festivities on account of one person.

Things came to boil when we sat down to watch the game and eat. We don’t do blessings on the food or thank god for “providing the bountiful feast” we paid for. I guess mormons don’t like that as evidenced by mom’s reaction:

Mom: "Aren’t you going to say a blessing?”

BigTim: “No!”

Mom: “Why?”

BigTim: “Are you suggesting that the meal we’ve prepared for your enjoyment is of such low quality that only a god can make it palatable?”

Mom: “Well, no, what I meant was …”

BigTim: “Then hush-up and eat! … The game’s on!”

Other than that, it was a very nice day until Leon Lett screwed-up and cost the Cowboys the game. I often wonder if mom thanked god she brought up the blessing thing before that happened.

Timothy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2010 01:07PM by Timothy.

They actually believe that, deep-down, the apostate family member knows tscc is true and that said heathen will bow to said cult under any and all situations and circumstances.

In my case, its dealt with by clearly demonstrating to TBMs that I don't just appear to be evil, I AM evil!

So I'm overseas on business when some local gal comes out of nowhere and tries to sell me a magical trinket:

BigTim: "What does it do?"

Gal: "It will keep evil away from you!"

BigTim: "But I am evil!"

The deal fell through. Can't say why!

Timothy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2010 01:36PM by Timothy.

That is SO true. That's what my mother keeps telling me. "Deep down inside, Maria, you know it's true. And you will regret what you've said when you're on the other side of the veil." YAWN.

Other things my mom has said? "Maria, we don't believe in unions." "Maria, we don't believe in evolution." "Maria, we don't believe in lawsuits." "Maria, we don't vote liberal." "We don't drink coffee." "We go to church."

I got sick of her applying her personal beliefs to me , so I started mimicking her in a high-pitched British accent: "WE are NOT amused by your non-sacred underwear." She doesn't say it as much anymore.

The way I get my family to back off is through humor.

http://www.myspace.com/video/vid/20456905
Bengt Washburn on Coffee

for those who haven't seen this yet...

is that your mother could not just ENJOY the day - just ENJOY the day with her two daughters, w/o worrying about stupid insignant things. Mormons so often miss the forest for the trees. They put meetings, procedures, rules, commandments, appearance, laws, ordinances, etc - above family. It's sick. Mormons are so caught up in rules, procedures, one-up-man-ship, and blind obediance - that the miss these precious family moments. They're so worried about stupid benign idiot rules and commandments that have been given to them by a bunch of crusty ol' farts. Sad..very sad. I'm sorry. It's not you, its her.

Mormonism: Isn't is about time for family?