He asked me if I looked at porn. I told him no. Even though like teenage boys i did. But I start doing the baptisms for the dead and I get a bloody nose in the water. I thought it was God not letting me finish since I was unworthy. Never went back after that. haha
I realize now that I used to get bloody noses when I went swimming too and that it was just random that it happened that day.

Were you in some kind of trouble for that?

They just got me out of the water and sent me back to the locker room

I told her I wouldn't be able to go because I didn't have a recommend and didn't think I would pass the interview. I was "sinning" on many things. Masturbation, not doing home teaching, tithing, I wasn't sure I believed in god.

She asked me to lie. So I lied. I lied about the rest of my interviews after that. Left the mormons about 3 years later.

That friend is now out of the mormons too.

I felt so guilty the entire time I was in there for baptisms for the dead. Almost unbearable guilt, due to a problem with masturbation but I lied to get in the temple as well. I felt so unworthy and I had to force myself to make eye contact with people.

Well not a problem with masturbation, but I was raised to think it was. I just enjoyed it a lot. lol

Ever since I could first go to the temple, always have I had to lie to gain access. Even at 12 years old I was looking up porn.. I still force myself to go on youth temple trips whenever they roll around, in an effort to keep my head down long enough till I can move out. Now it's even more painful to sit through those interviews, as I simply cannot answer any of the questions honestly.

And if a TBM saw this post, you know what they'd conclude. All people leave the church because they have problems with masturbation and justify their way out so they don't need to feel the guilt.

Hah! I got a bloody nose in the water once as well. They asked me if I was okay, and, as far as I could tell, I was. I then looked down to see my hand all bloody. They did the same thing to me: sent me back to the locker rooms. I got bloody noses in the winter all the time, and it was winter.

I was having "that little problem" as well, but I never considered it to be punishment from God. I found it strange that Satan couldn't penetrate the walls of the temple, but I could still get dirty thoughts about the girls across the room...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/04/2010 06:11AM by koolman2.

I remember one of the girls nipples becoming extremely visible through the baptismal gown after it was wet. All the guys noticed and it became a subject of excitement. It even became the root of an inside joke and the behaviour in the gathering room after got way out of hand.

Bottom line. Nobody is perfect. The church teaches you to lie.

Their standards are impossible to keep.

I'm willing to bet most of the youth in my ward lied to go to the temple- I always saw it as a means of survival. If I was unable to go to the temple because I fessed up to "sinning" there would be hell to pay with my TBM mom.

When I was 15, I felt so guilty about getting to 2nd base with a boy, I confessed about French-kissing during a temple interview. The bishop asked if things went any further and I lied and said "Nope, nothing further." Some spiritual discernment, eh? I was also suprised I could have "dirty thoughts" in the temple. I had a lot of out-there speculations about how it was possible for such a thing to happen.

I sure as hell could have done without all the time I spent worrying about various gravely sinful things I did that I now know are perfectly normal. And, I could do without the crap feelings I get when I think about my teenage years.

How great would it be to grow up knowing you're OK, having normal fun, and feeling good instead of guilty? I wouldn't know, because my parents dragged me to the bullshit festival known as the Mormon church.

As if it wasn't bad enough that my dad was a mood-disordered tyrant from the 1800s, I had to account to a pinstriped, toupeed wussbag for stuff that was not only normal but mostly not even worth caring about--if he found out, that is. The rest of the time, I felt horribly guilty and worried about my non-existent eternal soul.

All of that was A-OK with my parents, and I can honestly say I hate them for it.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/04/2010 01:55PM by munchybotaz.