Hi, my name is VarDell Crandall, and I'm from Ephraim, Utah. I used to work in a furniture store, but now I have a real career with Melaleuca. My wife disagrees, but she honors the priesthood.

I have eleven children, eight of whom are named after characters from the Book of Mormon. I won't list all their names, as this is only a 30 second spot. I drive a 1971 Dodge B-300 maxi-van that can seat all the kids and still fit inside of a standard garage. Our favorite song when we're on the road is "Book of Mormon Stories That My Teacher Tells To Me." I'm careful to alert the children to the fact that the "Lamanites from ancient history" aren't actually the primary ancestors of the Native Americans, as we sometimes encounter this idea in anti-Mormon literature.

We enjoy reading the scriptures, writing in our journals, studying genealogy, going to the temple, reloading ammunition and building our food storage. My basement looks like a Costco. We subscribe to the Ensign, New Era, the Children's Friend and Soldier of Fortune magazine.

I spend a lot of time at church. Almost as much time as I spend at work. Church is important to me. If I didn't go to church all the time, I would probably become an ax murderer. I have to be careful about that, because my own sense of right and wrong is only as strong as my belief in the planet Kolob, peep stones and magic underwear. Needless to say, my faith is STRONG.

I skateboard and take pictures of half-naked models.

I served a two-year mission in Ireland for my church in the 1980s. I didn't choose the location I would be serving, but I do believe that the Irish people did not have quite enough religion at that time, so I went to give them some more. I never baptized anyone in all that time, despite 60 hours a week of knocking on doors, but I know that the Lord inspired the prophet to send me there.

I don't know about you, but when the prophet says we need to support legislation in another state that has nothing whatsoever to do with me but denies consenting adults the right to marry, I sit down and write out a check for $200. I also believe that drinking tea should deny a mother and father the right to attend their daughter's wedding.

I believe that obedience is the first order of Heaven. I wear underwear that goes down to my knees and bears Masonic symbols. I spend three hours in worship meetings on Sunday, but I listen to talk radio three hours a day. When I masturbate, I think of Karen Carpenter.

You guessed it... I'm a Mormon.

Very funny! Before we dumped the Morg my DH worked for Melaleuca in the call center. He speaks Spanish (from his mission). Nothing quite like seeing greed upfront and center.

There probably won't ever be a commercial like this because reality isn't so inviting. It's better to seduce unknowing newbies with a false sense of goodness and normality.

Drinking tea-- My mom drinks all sorts of 'herbal teas' because they don't contain 'bad stuff'. Ironically, most of them come from other MLM businesses which originate in good ole Orem UT.

I grew up in the 80's when some idiot was proclaiming the end of the world and some earthquake in CA that was imminent. My mom stocked the fruit room with food storage and it sat there for 10 years. Then she tried to pawn it off on us as a wedding present. ugh!

Sorry, but that really made me laugh! I grew up in the 1970s and 80s, and I remember the madness about the end of the world too. My parents had books like "The Coming of the Lord" by Gerald Lund and the really whackadoo one "Prophesy Key to the Future" by Duane S. Crowther. Good times. The second coming was supposed to have been about ten years ago. Oops.

this should be the commercial, it is only fair for people investigating the church to have this information. I often feel bad for new converts. I feel like they are being taken advantage of.. Melalucca is not a real job!!!!

My wife does Melaleuca. They're great. They send us a check each month for $28.45. After we spend $70 for stuff we could have bought at Sam's Club for $10 we're only $41.55 in the hole each month. What a deal!

It also feels good knowing that Frank VanderSloot spends the millions of dollars he makes on good causes like helping gay people stay in the closet.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2010 09:42AM by Mnemonic.

My 13-year-old son and I heard one of those "I'm a Mormon" radio ads on the way to school this morning. (I'm in a Florida test market). It was all about skaters and surfers.

We drive right past a giant skate park on the way to school, and the beach is just 5 minutes away. I told him he could poll every dude in either place this weekend and I bet not one of them would be a Mormon. He agreed, and said that none of the boys who move here from Utah know how to surf anyway. <snort>

;o)

I would love to see a commercial like that!!! Very funny. Too bad converts don't see something like this instead of that sugar coated crap the mishes pedal.

That would have changed my mind a long time ago.

Hahhahhahaahahaa!!! Great job, Mak!

You, sir, are wickedly creative. :)

They need to sign you up for some of those spots. Yes, the truth hurts!!