For the most part, the local Mormons respect our space. I'm no longer on the books but my wife is. Nobody in our family has set foot in the local Mormon chapel since we moved to this town more than five years ago. It's only a couple of times a year that anybody knocks on our door. The assigned home teacher is someone we already knew through youth soccer. We already regarded him as a casual friend, but even he leaves us alone for months on end. I think our family has grown comfortable and secure enough in our post-Mormon identity that we don't feel threatened or particularly bothered by the occasional contact. It's nothing I didn't do when I was in the thick of it.

So I was amused at the birthday card my wife received recently. I'm sure they struggle with what to write, but here's where they ended up:

"Please join us so we can wish you a happy birthday in person!"

Hey, if that's really what you want, you obviously have our address.

Thus spake Mujun.

If so, I'd say two contacts a year constitutes disrespect and the other 363 days are not days the mormon church is actually demonstrating respect but just showing a small measure of restraint, playing a little brinkmanship game.

My personal feeling is that birthday cards are inappropriate from organizations we're no longer affiliated with. To me the resignation is a key way of demonstrating this fact, but asking for no contact is just as valid.

Offering happy birthday wishes in person at a church you don't contribute to? That seems like an empty come on tactic at best and might be a passive/aggressive swipe. It's the kind of tactic stalkers use on victims in hopes of getting their foot in the door.

when it's total strangers sending out greetings and bringing by little gifts like this. Guess you have to laugh or send them packing with their tails between their legs.

How precious.

The Relief Society somehow hunted me down when we were living in my in-law's house for a year. (I had a different name and had moved 3 times since last they knew anything)

They brought a plate of cookies around christmas when I wasn't home, and then a week before we moved showed up with a candle for my birthday. When I told them we were moving they asked if we needed help and where we were moving to. I told them we were fine and just gave them a general direction (ie, East)

After they left I glanced over the newsletter/ calendar they left before recycling it. I was highly creeped out to see my name on the birthday list. That was the first time anyone in the whole ward had even set eyes on me!

Your wife's card reminds me of a birthday card I receive every year from a clothing store that says, "Birthday Special! Come into our store on your birthday and get 15% off" At least they are offering me something.

What they're saying to your wife is, "Birthday Special! Come into our church and we'll be nice to you." Pathetic.

Experience has taught me that most Mormons don't know what real friendship is. They don't know how to relate one-on-one, or on a deeper level.

In normal society where birth dates are not published, only your family and best friends know when your birthday is--friends who might take you to lunch to celebrate, or call you on the phone and sing "Happy Birthday to You."

Don't take this personally. LDS, Inc. is just a business, although whenever I changed jobs, my old office never invited me back to celebrate my birthday.