As I struggled with leaving the church, I often convinced myself that I should see my religious affiliation as results-based.

In other words, I would ask, all things considered, has my religion brought me more "benefits" than it has "cost" me? I would usually answer that my religion, as ridiculous as it was, had resulted in more good than bad. I did what they told me to do, and it seemed to be working.

Then, things got really hard. As I struggled to handle my brother's death and my divorce, I came to realize just how much guilt, stress, and pain I had really endured thanks to the church. I was tired of trying to conform to expectations and requirements that made no sense to me. I was tired of being judged on things that shouldn't matter. I was tired of lying.

I was just plain tired.

I found myself singing Rage Against the Machine. A lot.

Now, instead of playing by rules that some old men tell me must govern my life, I finally make my own choices. I trust myself to weigh the options, and I trust myself to face the consequences without fear, guilt or shame. I stay in the moment, make it as good as I can, and the results will be whatever they will be.

Good for you!

This line of reasoning helped keep me inactive but a member of the church for years, and just as you said, there's a hidden emotional and mental cost to it.

It is a good question to ask. I believe there are many on this board who highly benefited in terms of terrific education, close families and experiences of travel, learning new languages, how to act and respond in different situations or disarm situations in peaceful ways, etc. Of course the negatives are that you are completely trapped. Your brain is shut off, you do what your told without thought. You don't reason whether something makes sense. You find out its not true and may have to lose your family and the respect of your children over it; I believe it is the worst of traps for some people.

One of the things that bothered me when I was still in the church was the emphasis some members put on the idea that if you do X, you'll receive blessings in return. It's like they were just into it for the imagined payoffs, like it was all about bargaining with God.

I was raised with a more hardcore view. You did whatever God required simply because it was required, even if there was no reward. (That probably said more about my father's view of life than anything.)

In the end, though, my break with the church was results-based. The system of guilt, shame and unworthiness (even though I was a very good Mormon) was making me mentally ill.

In fact, I was just talking about Job with a friend. In mormonism, judaism, and christianity, it's easy to see that the most "righteous" have the hardest tests.

But I thought that my religion was supposed to emotionally provide me with a firm foundation to handle the trials. It did not. Instead, it just fed the confusion and misery - much the same way Job's "friends" failed to comfort him, and only brought him more grief with their simple answers to complex questions.

I think "results-based" evaluation of religion has some validity. After all, our personal experience is important when assessing things in our lives.

But LDS religion claims to be about more than "earthly results". Sure, they never tire of proclaiming how great the results of living Moism are. But theologically, they also claim that they have a pipeline to the "powers of heaven". They have personal access to The Comforter, who is supposed to grant them divine understanding which enlightens every experience of man, leading inevitably to peace in the heart and mind, and success in the world.

So some of the "results" Mos should look for, are these "spiritual" benefits derived from the powers of heaven.

Are the Mos getting such benefits? If they are, they are doing a great job of hiding them.