I was married for 20+ years and divorced, and now remarried. We will celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary tomorrow. I keep yelling my ex's name in my sleep and its making my new wife mad. I keep telling her that it means absolutely nothing. It's always benign stuff like, "XXX did you check on the baby", etc. Any advice?

...and didn't she leave school many years ago? Life is like that. Some things stick with us.

Your new wife knew she was marrying a man with a history. Maybe she can develop a sense of humor about it. When you yell, "XXX, did you check on the baby?" she can respond, "NO! But new wife did. Isn't she wonderful?"

That is good Summer. Perfect solution!

Some things can be annoying, but wise people know not to show that they are annoyed.

We aren't responsible for what happens in our dreams. If we were, I'm a killer and all manner of crazy things, and so is your annoyed wife; but you aren't hanging her over hers.

Dreams are a way for our minds to lessen the amount of the normal controls that hold us back from acting in certain ways, and go exploring. It's a way to test and try things, and see how we'd feel about it. We get to learn while asleep. We get more done than if we really turned off when asleep.

The mind pulls information from all over to make up scenarios. I can tell when bits of mine come from TV shows, work, conversations with other people, etc. Also, when something is stressful, it seems to work into a dream on some level.

You had a lot of years of marriage that ended. Your mind has an almost unlimited amount of material to draw from that comes from that time period. Part of your mind is perhaps still figuring out that things don't need to be kept track of from that life. We all have a reminder calendar running in our heads keeping track in the background of all the things that should be attend to, and we don't get to turn it off at will. Yours is still running, as is most of ours.

I've been remarried for 8 years, and last night I had a dream about my ex, and told my wife about it. It wasn't a problem.

THAT is the height of denial. Since you admit here that it's our minds that make the dreams, it's tantamount to saying we're not responsible for what happens in our minds. It doesn't matter that the dreams may originate in the subconscious--who allowed all that junk into the subconscious anyway? Actually, the subconscious is built by fleeting thoughts that are instantly discarded (but discarded into this repository), and we ARE that thinker.

There is a big difference between being responsible and being to blame for something. You are right in that we are not to blame for our subconscious, whose scenarios are illusions which never happened. But an essential point of therapy, if one ever wants to control the mind, is to be aware of its deep contents and how we are constantly feeding it by our momentary thoughts.

Tell her to get some sleep herself, and to be glad you don't call out the ex's name during sex. ;) And at least when you say the ex's name it is something benign.

It means your subconscious is still working through a very stressful time in your past.

Very similar to the "Vietnam Syndrome".

Before that it was called being shell-shocked.

Now we call it post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Sweet Jesus! if you did that in MY bed you'd be sleeping on the couch!!

;o)

My husband often has nightmares about his ex. He tells me about them all the time. One time, I made the mistake of mentioning her when we were in the sack. Let's just say his sudden reaction proved to me that I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Both BF and I are sleep-talkers, walkers, and snorers. I've had insomnia and para-insomnia for years. You can tell her it's not something you can help, as it is a condition in the sleep center of the brain and it also can run in the family. 3 out 6 of the children in my family suffer from sleep disorders.

Alcohol, stress, and medications can make these conditions worse. I tend to sleep-walk after imbibing. There are case of people sleep-driving, holding a regular conversations, cooking, eating, cleaning after taking Ambien.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/29/2010 11:41AM by itzpapalotl.

My friend's wife cleaned the kitchen while on Ambien. I have no doubts I would end up one of those people who drove while asleep. It does odd stuff to some people.

Your new wife must understand the brain. We think of the past often as we go through our daily life. She will have to adjust. Soon you will be recalling things you and her have done. It will pass most likely. But if not, it is not your fault.

Odd, I lost my wife of 18 years, but don't ever yell her name as far as I know. I have been guilty of looking for her when in a bind and remembering she is not there.

I would assume an EX wife is different from one who passed on.

If your divorce was an ugly one, and you still feel resentful, you need to de-program your subconscious. One of the ways I found to work is to repeat to yoursellf a few times, every day, a short phrase saying that you forgive her, that you ask her for forgiveness, and that you wish her happiness. Do that for a month or so, and see if it helps. It's also good to forgive oneself when you feel terribly guilty. I hope it works out.

My fiance once told me in his sleep that he wasn't human. Am I worried? No, because it's a dream and has nothing to do with conscious thought.

No offense to your wife, but this is a ridiculous thing for her to be upset about. Unless you're clearly having wet dreams while calling out the ex's name, I don't see why she's getting her panties in a bunch.

Just my opinion.

That's really pretty funny! Tell her to lighten up!

I didn't sleep too well after that...

Is she hawt?