She is a really nice older lady who has appointed herself to mail us every month. She thinks we got offended and took a break, and she is only one of several to say that. So I have been thinking about what to say (if anything) and came up with this:

[Dear ---] We thank you for the thoughtful cards and messages, and the yummy recipes that you send to us each month.
We are also thankful to you for your willingness to reach out to us. Nobody else has made any effort, except [Bishop].

It has come again to our attention that we are said to have been offended and are taking a break from church. We heard this when we saw you at the funeral, and have been told this by other people recently as well.

In truth, we have no hard feeling toward any member of the [--] Ward, the [--] Stake or any other member of the church. We have never been suffiently offended by any member of the church to cause us to leave or go inactive. Indeed, our salvation was too important to let any mistakes of others bother us.

We have been members of the church for many years. And as longtime members we recognize that there is a perception that the only reason people leave is due to offense, sin, weakness, indifference and unwillingness to keep the commandments.

We recognize that these perceptions are used to protect the flock and to keep them from communicating with those who lose their testimonies, for fear that knowledge may spread.

We have watched people leave the church and have heard the subsequent rumours that get circulated as accusations are whispered in the hallways. We saw this happen to:
[15 names], to name a few that have left the church over the years from our ward alone. These are just the folks that we know personally.

We know the reasons that these 15 people left the church. Ten of those left for exactly the same reasons we did, yet each of them were rumoured to have been offended or sinned.

We did not leave the church because we were offended, or some sort of sin. But if you really do want to know, we would be happy to sit down with you and discuss this in a frank and honest manner using only verifiable church published evidence.

In the meantime, you could ask the Bishop why he told the Ward Council not to engage us in conversation, and ask why if we got offended has no one but you ever contacted us, and what we could possibly know that would keep them away.


Again, we thank you for your kindness and the yummy recipes, and yes we have tried most of them for dinner.
----------------

Who knows, maybe she'll pass it around...

she probably won't be able to resist sharing it around.

Great letter. Wonder if it will have any effect on the mis-perception that exmos are offended sinners. Unfortunately I suspect it won't do much.

Because they believe the HG tells them the truth that you (or I) won't tell ourselves, your VT may very well get the idea that she and your other Ward/Stake members know you better than you know yourself. It's the sort of mind-bending nonsense necessary to keep members for thinking they can think for themselves - they must depend on the faithful spiritual giants (actually no different than you or I) to do their thinking for them.

I think your letter is good. You were freindly, clear, and inviting. It just may not be enough to change the course of the LDS mind-f*** perpetrated on members determined to keep the faith.

Regarding the phrase “losing one’s testimony”:

“Loss” is normally associated with losing something of value. Yet relative to our former testimonies of the LDS church, we at RfM “lost” nothing of value. Rather, we *replaced* former deception and lies with truth. We GAINED the Truth!

I recognize that in your very courteous letter, you are being careful not to offend your VT. So here is my suggestion:

Replace this sentence:
We recognize that these perceptions are used to protect the flock and to keep them from communicating with those who lose their testimonies, for fear that knowledge may spread.

With this one:
We recognize that these perceptions are used to keep members from examining certain information from the Church’s past (information which is available from LDS websites and LDS books and articles) for fear that knowledge may spread.

Good luck, JoD. Let us know what happens!

Very well done.
If you get lucky, she'll make copies and use it as a handout in a lesson! :-)
I like the way you set the record straight.
Sometimes it's necessary to throw a rock in the rumor mill !
This letter ought to do it!
Of course, if anyone asks,you can give them a copy also.:-)

Your letter/email is on the money. I can think of no nicer way to ask them to change their minds.

But I'm with badseed here as to its effects or implications if any. I'm thinking back to when we had to home teach those that have dropped out. We'd been angrily off never to come back, which kind of reinforced the stereotype. I've also talked to some whack job that nervously told me his ancestors would come haunting him if they refused their posthumous baptism. I mean he was visibly shaken at the thought. He quickly showed us to the door.

The faithful will read this and call it more lies, nothing can persuade them otherwise. Some will certainly thoughtfully consider it but will be scared off by the staunch faithful.