Date: January 05, 2011 10:00PM
Five years ago-RM, married to ultra TBM wife, 4 kids, nice house in Bountiful, church callings, the prototype Mormon family. I couldn’t sleep so I got up and paced the floor. I said to myself-answer the following questions from your heart. Do you believe the Mormon Church is true? NO. Do you enjoy going to church and mingling with other Mormons? NO. Do you want to be married to an ultra ultra TBM wife? NO. Are you living an authentic life? NO. Is it worth leaving the church and causing a divorce, upsetting both sides of the family, upsetting friends and the ward family? Gut check for a few minutes……YES. At that point I looked up and said-God, I am miserable and need to make major changes. Please help.
The very next day I got a call from a headhunter. He said do you want a job in Scottsdale, AZ. Without hesitation I said yes. I started my new job in Scottsdale 2 weeks later. I sat down with my wife and explained I no longer could live the Mormon way and didn’t even remotely believe in it anymore. We agreed that a divorce was the best solution. She expressed her disappointment how she married a RM and thought I was going to be the Bishop some day. She felt deceived. I explained that when we got married at 21 that was my intention. I couldn’t help the way I currently felt. I talked to family and friends and explained I no longer believed in the church and was moving to Scottsdale. Very tough discussions but at the same time very liberating to be speaking my truth.
I lived in Scottsdale 2 years. During that time I read many books and explored different spiritual paths. I was finally living life from the inside out. I was listening to my heart and soul and living life from that reference. I was living the most authentic life I could. At times I would cry with joy. I never knew such joy could be felt. The Mormon life was from the outside in-trying to conform to all the rules and doctrines of the church and always being in conflict with how I really felt deep down. I met and dated an amazing older woman. She joked that her purpose was to show me how to have fun, loosen up, go with the flow and enjoy the finer things in life (wine). I can honestly now say those two years were the best 2 years of my life.
After 2 years I moved back to SLC to be closer to the kids. My kids are deep thinkers and all have left the church. I went to a housewarming party and met the love of my life. We dated 1 year and now have been married 2 years. I now know what real love feels like and am grateful for our marriage every day. I view life now as a fun mystery and have no idea what the next day brings or what happens in the next life. I am enjoying the ride. Looking back I am so glad I made the changes. I experienced some hard times making the transition out of Mormonism. But the joy of living life without the church was well worth it for me. My heart reaches out to those who don’t believe in the church but have a spouse and family who do. It is a tough situation with hard decisions.