Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: jim1 ( )
Date: January 05, 2011 10:00PM

Five years ago-RM, married to ultra TBM wife, 4 kids, nice house in Bountiful, church callings, the prototype Mormon family. I couldn’t sleep so I got up and paced the floor. I said to myself-answer the following questions from your heart. Do you believe the Mormon Church is true? NO. Do you enjoy going to church and mingling with other Mormons? NO. Do you want to be married to an ultra ultra TBM wife? NO. Are you living an authentic life? NO. Is it worth leaving the church and causing a divorce, upsetting both sides of the family, upsetting friends and the ward family? Gut check for a few minutes……YES. At that point I looked up and said-God, I am miserable and need to make major changes. Please help.
The very next day I got a call from a headhunter. He said do you want a job in Scottsdale, AZ. Without hesitation I said yes. I started my new job in Scottsdale 2 weeks later. I sat down with my wife and explained I no longer could live the Mormon way and didn’t even remotely believe in it anymore. We agreed that a divorce was the best solution. She expressed her disappointment how she married a RM and thought I was going to be the Bishop some day. She felt deceived. I explained that when we got married at 21 that was my intention. I couldn’t help the way I currently felt. I talked to family and friends and explained I no longer believed in the church and was moving to Scottsdale. Very tough discussions but at the same time very liberating to be speaking my truth.
I lived in Scottsdale 2 years. During that time I read many books and explored different spiritual paths. I was finally living life from the inside out. I was listening to my heart and soul and living life from that reference. I was living the most authentic life I could. At times I would cry with joy. I never knew such joy could be felt. The Mormon life was from the outside in-trying to conform to all the rules and doctrines of the church and always being in conflict with how I really felt deep down. I met and dated an amazing older woman. She joked that her purpose was to show me how to have fun, loosen up, go with the flow and enjoy the finer things in life (wine). I can honestly now say those two years were the best 2 years of my life.
After 2 years I moved back to SLC to be closer to the kids. My kids are deep thinkers and all have left the church. I went to a housewarming party and met the love of my life. We dated 1 year and now have been married 2 years. I now know what real love feels like and am grateful for our marriage every day. I view life now as a fun mystery and have no idea what the next day brings or what happens in the next life. I am enjoying the ride. Looking back I am so glad I made the changes. I experienced some hard times making the transition out of Mormonism. But the joy of living life without the church was well worth it for me. My heart reaches out to those who don’t believe in the church but have a spouse and family who do. It is a tough situation with hard decisions.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Summer ( )
Date: January 05, 2011 10:04PM

...sometimes one positive (if gutsy) change begets a whole lot of other positive changes.

I'm glad that you're life after Mormonism is progressing well.

Live long and prosper! :-)

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: lostinutah ( )
Date: January 05, 2011 10:04PM

Wow, congrats. the truth shall set you free.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Brandy ( )
Date: January 05, 2011 10:56PM

Thank you so much for sharing. I'm in the middle of having my name removed and my divorce is supposed to be final next month.

You really helped me feel better. All my best!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: honestone ( )
Date: January 05, 2011 11:05PM

Wow....you sure did act on your feelings and it was the BEST thing to do of course. Too often people just muddle through the unhappiness and become hard to live with, complainers, and reclusive. You knew that was not YOUR personality. I commend you for taking action. Isn't that what it is all about? Act on your feelings!!!So it is amazing thought that your kids all got out. And you were not there, right? Or did they ask questions over the two yrs. you were gone. Regardless, it has worked out beautifully for you and I am glad you shared your story.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: FUN IS RIGHT ( )
Date: January 10, 2011 01:54PM

tHANKS FOR THIS WEBSITE!!!! OOHHHHH WHAT A GIFT. tHANKS FOR YOUR POST. i AM A CONVERT OF 10 YEARS. i LIVE MY COUNTRY, CULTURE, LANGUAGE,FAMILY, FRIENDS EVERYTHING FOR LOVE TO MY WIFE AND THE CHURCH. I AM A RM BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS ANYMORE. I LOVE MY TWO KIDS WITH ALL MY HEART, I CAN IMAGEN MY LIFE WITHOUT THEM. MY WIFE HOWEVER, IS STILL A TBM BUT NOT VERY STRONG. A RECENT CRISIS ON HER FAMILY HAD PUSH HER TO TRY TO BE MORE STRONG. HOWEVER, I AM VERY SUPPORTED BUT I CAN HELP ANYMORE TO SEE MY KIDS GOING TO THAT CHUCRCH. WE LIVE VERY CLOSE TO MY IN LAWS THAT ARE VERY STRONG TBM (STAKE PRESIDENT). i DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO...ANY HELP

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: utahmonomore ( )
Date: January 05, 2011 11:09PM

Wow! That sounds a lot like me...at least getting out of the fog of TSCC, and moving on with my life. Reality finally hit me about 6 months after I officially resigned and I went back to the real world. I dont take anything for granted anymore, and at first I was so excited to be a part of the real world again that all I wanted to do was to stay up, awake, and ready for what the next day would bring. I am still amazed what I gave up when I was a mormon. Glad to be a regular person again.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: sunbeam90 ( )
Date: January 05, 2011 11:16PM

Cheers to you! I felt like 20 pounds was taken off of me when I left 5 years ago. Life is much better. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy that wine and that happy life! Keep it that way.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: adamisfree2006 (formerly on_my_way_out_2) ( )
Date: January 10, 2011 02:09PM

Congrats on your new life. Sounds as though you have reached a happy place! Cheers...

Adam

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In


Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Subject: 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
 ********   **    **  **    **  **     **  ******** 
 **     **  ***   **  **   **    **   **      **    
 **     **  ****  **  **  **      ** **       **    
 ********   ** ** **  *****        ***        **    
 **     **  **  ****  **  **      ** **       **    
 **     **  **   ***  **   **    **   **      **    
 ********   **    **  **    **  **     **     **