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Posted by: anon for this ya'll ( )
Date: October 03, 2010 05:28AM
Through A Past Obedience Comes A Compulsive Destructive Future

I'm sure there is something wrong with me. It's three in the morning, and I can't leave my room with nothing much for me on the outside anyway.

I used to be in line. In the Church's line, in my parents line (and the father was the school's principal, so I had to be within their best behavior as well). I've grown up as something, as some THING, and after kissing everyones ass and being so nice to everyone just to make sure it keeps someone else's reputation and job in line...

..I WANT THE GOD DAMN WORLD TO BURN AROUND ME! I WANT COMPLETE ANARCHY AND CHAOS, WITH NO FUCKING ORDER! I WANT TO SEE MAN KIND AT IT'S MOST BASIC INSTINCT, NO MORE BULLSHIT RULES, NO MORE SOCIAL FORMS, SURVIVAL THROUGH DESTRUCTION IS THE ONLY FUTURE I WANT!

Am I some sort of radical? Maybe I'm just going crazy? I don't affiliate myself with any sort of political group. Shit, I'm official not even a Mormon anymore. Should I seek help? Maybe having some friends would help? Maybe getting out of the oppressive grip of family members while having to lie about my church status would be a positive?

Where do I go?!

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Posted by: blindmag ( )
Date: October 03, 2010 07:23AM
Re: Through A Past Obedience Comes A Compulsive Destructive Future

To want the oposit of everything people have been asking of you your intire life or should I say thair intire life as you still have to find out who you are and what your life is.

If I were you i'd find a nice happy medeium once your over your anger stage.

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Posted by: rt ( )
Date: October 03, 2010 07:59AM
Re: Through A Past Obedience Comes A Compulsive Destructive Future

Well, if you really want what you wrote in caps, you could go to Congo or some other godforsaken, war-torn hellhole and experience the worst mankind has to offer. Rape, pillage, wanton murder, starvation, suffering, torture, cruelty - those are usually the fruits of total anarchy and chaos.

Social order isn't a bad thing but it seems that for you, it has been an end rather than a means.

Seeking help doesn't sound like a bad plan. It will help you come to terms with what was done to you. A good counselor (sp?) will not tell you what to do but rather give you some pointers on how to overcome your past and create a better future for yourself.

Don't give up yet. There's a lot of good stuff out there waiting to be experienced.

Good luck!

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Posted by: JoD3:360 ( )
Date: October 03, 2010 08:24AM
Short of living it, watch 'Beyond the Gates'

Gave me nightmares for days.

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