I was raised Mormon and quit when I was about 19. I never dated a Mormon, and didn't really have any significant dating experience until after I quit.

Since quitting I've had quite a lot of dating/sex/relationship experience. I've been very open minded and have tried everything from one night stands to committed, cohabiting relationships. I've never been married though.

I'm 25 now. Earlier this year I decided I wanted to find a more stable and permanent relationship. I wasn't intentionally trying to get married.

I ended up finding a really great girl. She is an atheist (like me) and has never really had a religion (unlike me). When I first met her she said she wasn't sure if she was looking for a committed relationship, but once we actually started spending time together we really fell madly in love. After about two weeks she said she wanted to marry me someday. This was moving faster than I had expected but it made me happy.

A few months later we got engaged, at Christmas. Again, this was her idea, but made me happy.

Now, just three weeks into the engagement, she is suddenly freaked out by the idea of commitment. She's worried about never being allowed to have sex with anyone else. I feel kind of betrayed that she did not say anything about this while we were planning to announce the engagement, but I guess that's beside the point. Now I need to decide if I can deal with it.

Are there any other ex-Mormons out there who've had similar experiences? Do you think that expecting lifetime monogamy is realistic, or have I just been brainwashed into the church? Or do other ex-Mormons find that they are capable of monogamy but that 'normal' people who weren't raised expecting to be committed for time and all eternity are unable to satisfy an ex-Mormon's expectations for a married relationship?

I guess I'm particularly hoping to hear from middle aged people, who know how these things turn out years down the line. I don't really know anyone whose situation was remotely similar to mine.

...is that she's feeling rushed. I would ask her if she'd feel better if the both of you were NOT engaged and you could take your time to get to know one another better. In the non-Mo world getting engaged that quickly is *not* the norm.

If you take the pressure off of her, in time she might become more comfortable with committment. I would take the next year or two and just enjoy your time together. Let *her* bring up the idea of committment when she's ready for it.

Just my 2 cents!

I'd say get un-engaged and give her time. You also might find after awhile she's not really wanting to be committed. Better than after you're married.

I think monogamy is fine and the basis for a good relationship, all the couples I've known with open marriages fell apart dramatically and are no longer together. You don't have to feel like your views are wrong, they're how you feel and you're entitled to find someone else who feels that way, otherwise you will probably end up in a divorce.

And you are aware, of course, that falling madly in love is largely hormonal and can go away after awhile, so give it time to be sure you're really a good match.