I have a relative, a bright, creative young man, whose behavior has often made me wonder if he's gay. His family is fundamentalist Baptist and for the past three or four years he's usually brought a girl to family dinners. This year he brought a boy. A friend, he said.

The boy's father was tight and silent during Christmas dinner, saying little, his mouth a straight line. Mama was her normal self, as was the boy's sister.

As far as I know, there has never been a gay person in our family. If this is his orientation, how will everyone deal with it? How will I deal with it?

Sorry for the little rant. I truly don't know how to deal with this.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2011 09:19PM by augiedogie.

He's still bright and creative.

Carry on
K

Treat him the same. Love him, and defend him. There's no real grand discourse that needs to occur; he will just need loyal friends and family in his corner. One thing I make a point to do with my son is to NOT make his sexual preference his identity. When talking with friends, I don't say "my gay son." I don't say things like "that's how you guys are in the gay community, I get it." I try to treat him like I always have, and let him just be. It's not that I'm ashamed, I just want him to feel normal and not have it be a constant topic of discussion. Your mileage may vary...good luck!

"The boy's father was tight and silent during Christmas dinner, saying little, his mouth a straight line. Mama was her normal self, as was the boy's sister."

Which one was it? The boy's father was stressed or not stressed?

As for how you deal with it; hopefully you deal with it by realizing that your relative is the same person he has always been. Sexuality means nothing as far as character goes. If he's a great person heterosexual then he's a great person homosexual. Don't stress, just accept whatever revelations come and continue to care about your relative as you always have.

If you find out that he is gay, the only difference would be that you now know about it. The only change would be within you, not him. So, what you need to decide is if that change in you will affect how you view and deal with him.

You will not be able to control how the family will react. You will only be able to add fuel to the flames or not.

You treat his friends like you would treat any other friend of a family member. If and when he announces a change in status with any of them, then you treat them as you would any other couple.

That's about it!

Thanks, everyone. You confirmed my own inclination. He's a fine young man, as far as I'm concerned, and his sex life is his business. I'll be supporting him and loving him regardless of his sexual orientation.

Why deal with it any different than if he brought back a girl?

Give him support and encouragement in everything he does in his life and aside from that his private life is, for want of a better phrase, none of your business.

My brother in law is gay my mother in law can't accept it. I told her it's her loss.