The Solitary Journey

Is it possible to actively dissuade someone of their long held religious beliefs or to entice them uninvited on a road of self discovery? Does it matter or is it useful to make public declarations of unbelief? Well I have to admit the idea is fun to muse over. In the end though, I don't think it would be all that influential. Why? Because the road out of Mormonism is one traveled alone.

Several years ago I compiled a list of "smoking guns" as I called them. These were the issues that are objective, the issues that are not open to interpretation, they just are what they are. While historians argue over what Joseph Smith's mind set was, or what source documents he may have possibly used, they often differ in opinion. These issues then are subjective and open to interpretation. The FARMS apology may be as valid as the historians assertions. I find those issues interesting, but I do not consider them to be "smoking guns". The objective issues in my mind are things like: Kinderhook (a small one), Book of Abraham, mDNA and the Lamanites, archeology and the Book of Mormon (i.e. Ferguson), the Adam God Theory, the varying versions of the first vision, etc. There are others, but these stand out to me as objective views of truth and lies.

My initial thought was that any faithful Latter-day Saint, when approached with these objective facts, would certainly see the logic of these proofs and the invalidity of the Church's claims.
I have since changed my view for a couple of reasons. First, and I say this knowing you are my friends, we have no right to destroy someone's faith. As a believing member of the Church I was happy. There are days I would that my naive faith had remained intact. Yes, I know the truth cannot be denied. Yes, I know the truth makes me free. And yet there are still days when I long for the days of blissful ignorance.

I think back to the day a dozen or so years ago that I first came across the word "Kinderhook". It caught my attention and demanded further review. This was my first issue, although it barely made a dent in my armor of faith. That review led me to believe that perhaps Joseph was not always truthful and it opened the door for me to think of him as fallible, and what a wide door that is. Sometimes though I wish I had never stepped through that door.

Without assigning blame I acknowledge that my disbelief has in some ways harmed me, or more importantly it has harmed those around me. My marriage is not what it was, though my loving wife struggles valiantly to love me and support me while she continues to believe. My children are confused. My neighbors are full of supposition. There are times when I would give a fortune if I could go back to that day I first saw the word Kinderhook, and move on without a second thought.

Many of those whose faith we might seek to destroy are happy. Is it our place to take Santa Clause away from them? I've come to believe it is not. Second, I believe that almost all attempts to attack faith with smoking guns will fail. I say this having tried.

One day a few years ago I was approached by a gentleman in my office who noticed I did not "seem myself". He was concerned. This man who has since passed away was what most would call a "jack Mormon". Although he grew up in a semi active family, he rarely attended church, a special event attender. He smoked, drank occasionally, and would rather fly fish on Sunday than any other activity. Well, I thought this will be my first liberated soul. I began to explain to him that I had lost my faith in the Church and I went over some "smoking gun" issues with him. I was dumbfounded when after listening to me, he responded by bearing a humble testimony.

"I don't know half what you know about the gospel and Joseph Smith", he said, "but I know the Church is true and I will be praying for you to find your faith".

Truly faithful Latter-day Saints are almost oblivious to the truth. They are almost bullet proof, even to the smoking gun. I've tried since, and with small variation the results have been the same. The result of attempts to pry them away from their belief will most likely be a loss of association.

This road we travel, this journey we are taking, is a solitary journey. We start on the adventure alone. If pushed into the adventure, we will reject the call, and why not? Don't we all want to believe in the beautiful concepts and surety of a godly prophet and of Mormon Doctrine? Really, don't we all want to know why we live, and where we will go, and that we can do it with those that mean the most to us? So we begin in this, one of the most meaningful adventures of our lives, alone. Why do we even begin. Because we are called by curiosity, not spoon fed but lured by the discovery of tantalizing truth. Then as we travel further on the path we meet others who started alone also. We seek the association of like minded people. Fellow adventurers on this path out of Mormonism.

The solitary journey is a difficult journey, and feeling alone and even lost is part of it. One finds himself in the midst of changing the maps, altering paradigms that have guided one’s life. Ultimately the peace we look for will only be found when we let go of the dogma that has controlled us thus far. When we realize there are very few absolutes, that others may think differently and act differently than us, and when we discover that differences are not only acceptable, but that they are the very essence of individuality and growth, then we will be well down the path.

It is there, on the path that leads to non judgmental acceptance, a healthy curiosity about others and their philosophies, intrigue rather than fear of differences and the unknown; that we will find fellow travelers at our side, supporting each other, encouraging each other. This is the path to enlightenment. It is the path we follow to find happiness in knowledge of truth that we once held only in faith of fantasy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2011 03:16PM by SLDrone.

My eldest brother too was a smoker/drinker/jack mormon most of his life while the rest of the family was devout.

After finding my way to the truth about my own false beliefs, I decided to email him a couple of shocking quotes that Smith and Young had said about people living on the sun and on the moon.

My brother immediately emailed me back and stated that he did not "...want to hear any more of that crap..."

It did not matter to him if it was true. It only mattered that it was not in his comfort zone. We have never approached the subject again. I love him too much to damage our relationship.

It is good to see you back on here SLDrone. I have been here myself but a few times of late, but enjoy a visit back at times.

Hey DS! Good to see you too. I've been checking back on the board for the past few days, not sure, something just sparked the desire to check in. I've only bumped into a few of the old timers, which is how it should be. Part of recovery is moving on. Nothing wrong with checking in once in a while though.

So--SLDrone--your wife still believes? Oh my. No wonder you sometimes wish you could still believe.

I love your posts.

AND I, too, have jackmo siblings who 'bore their testimonies' to me--but my youngest brother, who I'm the closest to--who has been inactive for 30 years--he will still say (I was the most devout of all siblings), "So you REALLY don't believe?" He says I have given him permission to not believe. He, like I, thought we had no choice.

Great post SLD. I so want to be able to share the smoking guns with TBM friends but I know they have to discover these things for themselves. I think we who have seen things as they really are, have gone through such a large paradigm shift that it's easy to forget how others still feel about the church. Certainly less than a year ago myself I would have defended the church against anyone who tried to tell me it wasn't true. The reality is that in the church we're hardwired to automatically defend against 'satan' and those 'who oppose truth'.

Sherlock, congrats on the jail break. I know it seems so overwhelming at first, and then as time passes you start wondering what all the fuss was about. I just realized today, I don't even know who the new third member of the First Presidency is and if I didn't know Uchdorf personally, I probably wouldn't have remembered him either, and I'm not even curious enough to look it up!

I ran into half alcoholic. cussing mechanic blue collar SOB ( his words) that cursed the church because of loss of family and marriage in the MO. As soon as I agreed and felt sorry for him and dropped a few spritual grendades in his lap he started to defend the faith and bear witness and I cut him off.
i just don't get it- how does the Mo pull this off. Is it the fact they are scared into unbelieving or what? The mo still has a death grip on people right down to there last breath. How does the Mo get it both ways?

I'm somewhat conflicted in all of this.

I agree that when somebody isn't ready to hear it, it won't make a dent at all. But at the same time, I wish that I knew it was a fraud before putting more time, money, and effort into it.

At the same time, I don't tell much to a brother who hates going to church, but does so out of obligation. It will ruin his marriage, and split the family up if he decided it was all a big lie. I'm waiting till his kids are out of the house, but that is a decade away.

I would never tell my parents either. They are so old that they'd have nothing but misery for the few years they have left if they found out it was all a big lie. So I let them bask in the glow of thinking that they know its true.