My niece is 25 and not yet married. She is beautiful, successful (makes her own money, owns her own home etc) and has a brain. She lives in SLC and grew up wealthy (she does earn her own money, though). She has turned down three proposals so far and my TBM family is freaking out! Of course I am silently cheering her on and hope that she waits for true love and doesn’t fold under the pressure.

Last summer when I was visiting my TBM family my own TBM mother said that she (my niece) was not in love with her boyfriend and hoped that she didn’t marry him. Just last week the guy proposed and my niece wanted to think it over. My TBM mom and sister started making wedding plans right away before my niece gave the guy an answer. I gently reminded my TBM mom that she herself said that she thought my niece did not love the man and should wait. My TBM mom FREAKED out and claimed she never said such thing and went right back to wedding planning mode – she scolded me like a child, actually. I guess the guy’s family was coming to town for general conference (they are SUPER wealthy too and live out of state) so everyone was expecting an engagement party.

MY NIECE SAID NO and the WIND IS OUT OF ALL OF THEIR SAILS! LOL! Hurrah for my niece for not settling!!!

I called my TBM mom to say hello today and she rushed me off the phone.

Stupid morbots.

My daughter will be 25 in November. She has two RMs who WANT HER, but she dumped both of them. She finds them boorish. She doesn't have her own home or anything, but she is very successful in what she does, very driven, and to the detriment of the RMs, she is a free thinker.

These girls sure deal with a lot of pressure, though. I was 27 when I married and EVERYONE thought I was an old maid. I couldn't tolerate RMs--I liked the nonmormons.

I hope they continue to wait for the relationship that is right for them.

So many of the women I knew when I grew up married as quickly as they could to the first RM that asked.

I lived on a floor of a dorm at BYU that was known for its beautiful girls--Homecoming Queen, cheerleaders, etc. They were also wealthy. They had to beat guys off with a stick!

Your niece is wise in not taking these hasty proposals of marriage seriously. The BYU RM's would propose before the fourth date, before kissing, before having any serious exchange of ideas. One of the first questions they would ask us was, "What does your father do for a living?"

My sister was hounded by the boys in her singles ward, who, because they were local, knew where she lived. In her case, the "old maid" stigma and peer pressure got to her, and she became discouraged. Her friends labeled her as "picky." The young men said she was "cold." She was 27.

When a handsome, younger returned missionary moved into the singles ward area, she thought he was "The One," and she accepted his proposal with no ring. We talked her into slowing things down, and when they had problems, we tried to persuade her to postpone the wedding--but people in love don't always pay attention to what's important. They got married 10 months after they met. My sister's great job supported them while he finished college, got his master's degree, and now he's going for his PhD. Graduate school is very competetive, and the poor dear didn't want to be distracted by working at a job. He and everyone else admits he's a control freak. My sister is unhappy, and wants to go on Prozac.

Your niece and girls like her are in a position to choose anyone they want! Instead, in Mormon Utah, eligible girls must constantly say "no" to the same aggressive salesmen who spent 2 years pounding on doors and pushing lies onto innocent people.

Buyer beware!

Whenever anyone turns down a proposal of marriage from one of these creeps, I say "Good for her!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/04/2010 05:12PM by forestpal.

She needs to get herself a partner in crime. Find some guy who is much older or younger, preferably a minority-- since most Mormons are bigots. Dress him up like a total scumbag meth addict. Take him to meet the family and announce their engagement. Have the girl talk about how much she loves him.

It helps if is wearing a wife beater and gives her the "evil" eye every once in a while. She should flinch and cower when he does this.

When the family complains about how bad a match this is, she should ramble on and on about how much she loves him and wants to have his baby. I will bet her family will jump off the marriage choo-choo real fast.

to have her say she has prayed about this and received confirmation from the spirit that this one is THE one. That she knows it with every fiber of her being and has had a witness of the truth of this engagement.

I told my children about the 10 conversations rule.

If a guy/girl can make it through 10 conversations with you without telling you something about themselves that turns you off they might be a candidate for dating.

Usually they tell on themselves, gay bashing, condescending, chauvinistic, and controlling. If you have 10 real conversations with them they will not be able to hide their down sides.

For instance, when one guy found out I was getting a divorced, he says he wants to take me out and get me drunk, because I need a drink to get through this. Yea! That’s a guy I want to go out with. Yuck.

But of course Mormons never really teach young members to scrutinize who they date, because the only criteria for a happy marriage are that you’re both Mormon.

I wish that I was close to my niece. I think we would become fast friends...In any case, what I know of her, I doubt she will fold yet, her TBM family and my TBM mom (her grandma) is pressuring her!

Before we knew that she had said NO and we all knew that she may say no as she did not say yes when asked -- she needed to think about it...My TBM mom was convinced that she would say yes and actually said to me that she doubted we would get "Bad News"...BAD NEWS?????!!!!! Since when would her granddaughter being true to herself and NOT jumping into marriage with any RM be BAD NEWS????!!!!

I wonder if TBMs ever stop and question this motive. I mean if they did, it would prove their church is a fraud. IF (I mean IF because its all made up anyway so its just a game of pretending) you were going to spend eternity withy our spouse don't you think that Mormons would then have the LONGEST courtships ever, NOT the SHORTEST!

Talk about selling yourself short...

P.S. My niece is not only beautiful (super model build), she is a self made woman with family money and money of her own!

Mormons don't date-they search for an "Eternal Companion." I didn't go to BYU but a state university and had a lot of roommates and friends, all of us finished college. When I was home with my TBM family and went to church, everyone considered my an "old maid" at 26. I did get married when I was 28 to a wonderful man, and we were engaged for a year. We've been happily married for 25 years. If I had married the boyfriends I'd had when I was 21 or 23,I'd have ex-husbands now.

I love telling TBM's that I have no desire to get married. I'm 35, they freak out and think I'm an alien or something. I've known since I was a small child that I did not want to be married cuz I did not want anyone to see me naked,Ahhhh the innocence of a child!!!!!! But I have yet met someone I was attracted to. But I think I could of been attracted to a hansome man that I've seen in the movies like bob Deniro. or some sexy italian, but the truth is there was never one italian at church, What is is it with all those jensens, christiansens, hansens olsens, I cannot take those awful sounding surnames they sound whitebread utah mormon to me with lots of blond kids running around with kool=aid stained upper lips

Right after I left the church for good. She was the first nevermo I dated. Beautiful, smart and independent. She had her own job, own place and didn't NEED anything from me. I have to admit I was intimidated and baffled at first.

We went on a few dates, had a few laughs, didn't have enough in common and that's where it ended. Nice person.

I laugh when I think about how out of sorts I must have seemed. Here's this woman who is independent with plenty of brains to go around and I turn into a stammering idiot. I'm glad I recovered enough to make a decent account of myself. I was just used to the submissive type.

Luckily I met a few more women like her including one with whom I had much more in common. We've been together for ten years now. Mormon women AND men settle for so much less than what they deserve.

good for her! there are plenty of wonderful people out there, hold out for the right one! my BFF came home from her mission, was 26 and everyone gave her s*** about being "picky" "why aren't you married yet?" "independent" (like it's a bad thing) she did marry, the first guy who asked her, to fortunately someone who is a geniunely nice man, he works harder than anyone i've seen, does housework, great dad etc. but there's just one problem, he doesnt turn her on. at all. and he wanted to live in a different part of the country so they do, away from all her friends and her home and family. they seem content but not blissfully happy, disgustingly in love happy...

its sad. everyone deserves someone who is head-over-heels for them..