For those just tuning in, I just really started coming out to family last fall as a middle-aged guy. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to jump into the deep end of the pool and teach a seminar on LGBTQ identities in US Latino communities at my university. It's been going okay, but it's now time to move from the theoretical readings into more personal discussion and it's all a bit frightening.

Anyway, I'm planning on sharing my thoughts about how I acquired my understanding of sex and gender in TSCC. I will take copies of "To Young Men Only" and excerpts from Miracle of Forgiveness, both of which were the source of severe psychological trauma since they basically were consigning me to hell for being who I was.

I'm curious to know what talks, lessons, experiences, etc. within the morg contributed to y'all's understanding of what being a man is. Given the topic of the class, I'm especially interested in answers from people whose life, experiences, biology, etc. put them in direct opposition to the party line of what a Mormon man is supposed to be.

My ex was 45 when he came out. It was very traumatic for his siblings, some of whom just barely tolerate him even now after 18 years. How's that going for you?

I'm about that age too. Family has been great so far, I have some really supportive friends and I work in a university with a strong anti-discrimination policy. But I'm still too screwed up psychologically to tackle the profound loneliness that finally pushed me out. The therapist has a waiting list, so I guess I'm not alone ;-)

Then you have to explain the racist overlay (references to whiteness or lightness in versions of the book of mormon) & caucasian leadership of the mormon church- contrasted with the hispanic/latino expression of machismo & male strength.
so then you have to explain expressions of racism in white community where white leaders run the church and latino response to it- meanwhile both bearing their testimony that 'the church is true' while they're whaling on each other taking power from one anther- explain that. Explain the system of males determining where other males will have teritory or be dominate making wards & branches around certain priesthood males in the mission zone- explain males moving into other males turf= their homes- their family- their relationship- taking power pride and machismo from them habitually (via bishops interviews of a man's wife, of his best friend from childhood, his best friend as a teen, every moment hes with any lover he faces a verbal review with a bishop, every encounter with any lover is reviewd and confessed or shamed. Then talk about the fact that the reviewer- the life controller- is often often often a white man someone who doesn't look like you- who is telling you in every way what to obey & do.)
explain the system of spanish speaking 'branches' white leaders create across california arizona etc.

explain the link of priesthood and born physical trait of being born male only- not gone to study or been trained. Explain ritual jobs of males within mormonism- Explain religious roles and routine.

Now explain Juarez Mexico and the Mexican colonies. Now explain the male role in original mormonism & the Mexican colonies. Now explain the non alpha role in polygamy. (a man explained to me while we were dating he had family in the Mexican colonies, then asked me to be his 'first' wife) (in California) fun stuff.

Now explain the idea of bisexuality in latino community not meaning a man thinks of himself as gay. Now explain the idea that being sexual with someone who is willing of whatever sex does not inherently make some latino males self label as gay,. Now explain the idea that some males do not self label in a permanent way in the Mexican American community as gay when experiencing or having experienced bisexual sex on opporutnity (which they may take again with the right person, chances and person willing) while concurrently calling themself a or self labeling as just a man. A man who isn't gay. Explain that one.

so now explain the mormon attitude of being judgemental- the all or nothing of it- God on Kolob, no Jesus in your heart, the Holg Ghost leaving when you 'break a commandment' /make a mistake- the whole gig. Explain it. Now explain the impact on self love, self acceptance, safety, ability, potential- and explain the impact of this belief system on shame.
compare these impacts on the belief system where someone can confess & be free. compare these impacts on the belief system where someone is saved by grace (we're all pigs its ok) (I guess that was just me) (change the word to pigs to human)
That, that's better now)

So mormon doctrine impacts self acceptance, shame, and it demands early formal marriage, and marriage as life style for admission to heaven. So rather than having TIME to ascertain some things, through experience and self expression, to find something out about ones self- and determine if one is for heterosexual or any marriage, in ones own time, wanting or willing to commit a life to ANY individual-
mormon kids are singing about going to the temple (ie getting married) in preschool. It goes on and on.

Good luck. Great topic. Just remember, by virtue of having been mormon one runs the risk of being critical of oneself and others, of agonizing in shades of gray rather than revelling having been raised in a black & white all or nothing life.

PS its far far more than just one course. Its a series of papers on social impact, psychological formation and formation, on curriculum narrative story formation & impact on gender development, on racial / ethnic interactions in an historic respect, finally on racial and enthic cultural impact of having ones own stories cultural traditions music & history disregarded religiously & within ones religious community, seeking racial parity religiously in white community.

Wow, you're hired!

I left out the details in my post, but since I am a linguist by training and not an expert in gender studies or ethnic studies, we're approaching this course from a semiotics perspective. You've got some terrific examples of framing/constructs that we have not considered yet but that definitely merit attention. I'm going to have to think very carefully about what you've written.

I agree that this is more than a course. I did my taxes last night and found that between September and December I dropped over $450 on books to prepare for the class (and I was being picky!). I hope that I can continue to spend some time on this topic even after the grad students who requested the course have moved on.

One more thought -- the way sexual initiation in some Latino families takes place is in stark contrast to the LDS pathway. I have heard third hand that my own dad came of age in the traditional way: in a border town brothel where he had been taken by older family members (who were all in TSCC by that time). He won't admit it or discuss it at all, so I remain curious about how the energy and spirit of this social ritual (important to a whole group and not just the guest of honor) has manifested itself in the lives of my male cousins, etc. Wish there were a good way to ask.

There are few healthy gender role models for straights, much less for LGBTs!

In his book, Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse,” Mike Lew speaks of a study his class did on the gender-role messages in TV commercials/magazine advertisements. The expected sexual stereotypes were found. However,

“What came as a shock were the frequency and persistence of the communication. Many of the students realized that they had no idea of the extent to which they were subjected to this indoctrination.... the messages are not limited to the advertising industry. They abound in the content of films, literature, textbooks, theater, song lyrics, music videos, fashion, and children's toys, games, and stories. Everywhere we turn we are learning about what we ‘should’ do to be acceptably male or female.” p. 32.

So I offer the above as possible thoughts for your group to discuss. Good luck. Let us know how your course goes!

It sounds like quite a challenge, especially in the Latino community. I saw first hand what the "machismo" attitude can do to the females in a family.

Yeah, we are going to start to look at how femininity is constructed next. There's lots of good stuff on that -- Cherríe Moraga, Gloria Anzaldúa, Carla Trujillo, etc.

The Latina sure can't look to TSCC for relief from oppressive patriarchy!

Damn straight! I saw that women had more freedom in my father's Catholic family than in Mormonism.