For the first time in 3 months.

Backstory: I've known the church isn't true for probably 9 months. I am a divorced mother that had to move back in with my TBM parents. I've never been very into church but I did go to the temple after my divorce because in my fragile state my family convinced me that my life was in shambles due to my inactivity and that everything would be magically fixed if I went through the temple.

Anyway,I found out the church wasn't true and started coming to this site. I was a regular poster for a while but stopped coming due to paranoia.

So, I go to church once every two to three months to appease my parents. It sounds so pathetic, appeasing my parents as a grown woman. My kids hate church and my 8 year old knows it is baloney but occasionally isn't immune to the propaganda. My four ear old hates it completely. My parents say she will like it once she gets used to it. (funny how she can go to a new preschool or dance class etc. without any problems).

So, I went to church yesterday. Sacrament was fine. We just played on our iPhones. When it came time for primary my four year old wouldn't stop crying so I sat with her. Thinking at least primary is fun and a great escape from boring Sunday school. Boy was I wrong. Primary is so boring now. They are talking way over the heads of these tiny children. It was so ridiculous. The entire time was spent on following the prophet and how he will never lead us astray. I felt lower than low subjecting my little child to this. She kept asking to go home the whole time. At one point she had to use the bathroom and I considered yanking my other daughter out of class and running as fast as possible. I decided that would be too dramatic. So, 4 year old decided she would be okay in class. (she mostly hates sharing time because she hates the songs). So, off I went with my mom to Relief Society.
Lesson: 5 most important things for raising children:
1. Family home Evening
2. Family prayer
3. Family dinner
4. Family scriptures
5. Father interviews with children one on one (gag)

If you do all those things your children will grow up and be perfect.

Anyway, I felt sick the entire time. My body rebelled against being in there. I looked around and it was so hard for me to imagine that anyone in that room was faking it. And trust me I was looking for any little body language or look.

How can anyone serve in a calling or go every week knowing it is total BS? I am still physically sick from it as I type this.

I still can't decide if I should come out to my parents now or wait until I can move out. I am pretty sure life will be hell in this house if I tell them. Not to mention the behind my back attempts to save my children's eternal souls that will most definitely be taking place.

Well, I have a lot more to say but I've already said too much. Sorry for the rambling and lack of structure. I'm typing this on my phone and from the depths of despair over my situation and my lack of ability to free myself from it.

I feel very badly for you. I guess your oldest won't be baptised, huh? And I am very curious as a nevermo about the father interviews???? What the heck is he asking them? I am sure my daughter (a convert) hears the same garbage. I would stick it out only until you can be on your own...Make that happen soon so you can save your kids.

She was baptized about a month after I found out it wasn't true. I wanted to call it off but the ex-husband had worked really hard to be worthy to baptize her and wouldn't relent. It was a horrible time that I have blocked out. Otherwise I would give more detail. All the drama of it was behind the scenes between the two of us. My parents didn't know I was against it but I was preparing myself to tell them.

Anyway, the father interviews are supposed to be like a bishop's interview but between father and child, as a way to allow the dad one on one time with his kids and counsel them.

My dad did it and it was horrible. Totally formal and made me feel even more distant from him instead of closer.