Date: October 05, 2010 11:58PM
After a conversation about BKP my cousin told me he could tell that I was unhappy by my countenance. He said the total crap about people being tested beyond their tolerance....and other crap. Anyway it put me in a funk so I wrote this letter. What do you think?
I am not sending this to argue.
I was REALLY sad by your last post on my page. You think I am unhappy by my countenance? I had to look up the word countenance just to be sure what it meant. It means facial expression. You know I am unhappy by my facial expression, or maybe my overall bearing? Thats very presumptuous of you. I don't know anyone who can tell if a person is GENERALLY happy or not by one facial expression. Is that not what you meant? Sounds like something regurgitated over and over again even when its not clear what it means.
Additionally you would need to be able to compare the now me with the mormon me. How old were you when I left on the mission? You were in Phoenix when I got back, then I joined the Marines, you never really knew the mormon me. Want to read the weekly letters I sent to my mission president to see how "happy" I was? I told the MP that I wasn't sure of my belief even then. I tried. I wanted to believe. Where is it, 2nd Nephi where Nephi talks about working to gain a testimony? I did that! I read that part of the BOM over and over and made a list of what he did, and then did it myself.
It didn't happen. I never felt those warm feelings that are supposed to come.
I went to the MP and then Bishops (BISHOPS plural) they always asked me the same thing basically. What are you doing that you are not supposed to be doing, or not doing that you should be? So it was my fault I wasn't getting the warm fuzzies. I guess its my fault that I gave up though. You said we will not be tested beyond what we can bear. BUT, apparently I was tested beyond what I could handle because I gave up according to you anyway. I'm in such a funk that you think so little of me.
I didn't stop going so that I COULD have sex or do some other sin. Those actions were done much after the battle of my faith.
I left the church because I felt NOTHING. I stayed away because of things being said like what you said in your post. I have no desire to be in a church that is so PROUD. There is no way that you KNOW I am unhappy, or that you KNOW that I know the truth. That ALWAYS bothered me. Knowledge is not even what your god requires, only mormons talk about knowledge. Other religions talk about faith which is not the same.