I was quite surprised with my dad's reaction when I told him I would never be attending church again. He did have an initial freakout with literal wailing and gnashing of teeth, but after that he never mentioned the church to me again and didn't even try to bear his testimony to me. I was relieved that he was actually respecting my beliefs.

Come to find out, he has been threatening my younger sister who lives at home and basically using the church as a sort of blackmail. He is constantly telling her that she needs to read the BoM and ensign and "had better start enjoying it". He has said that my sister is not allowed to live at home or go to school or drive her car (that she bought) unless she goes to the church with the family on Sundays.

I've come to realize that the only reason he has been so tolerant of me is that I no longer live under his household. I see now that when I go back and visit, he will expect things to be the same.

I have so far refrained from resigning because he literally begged me to and to see him crying in the most vulnerable state I'd ever seen him in brome my heart. But I can say that if he really does make good on the threats to keep my sister from going to school or living in his house I will resign in a heartbeat and I will never visit his house again. He would never see me again. Is this too harsh?

NO

If that happens resign, get your sister in a safe place so she can be emancipated & also resign. Make sure she finishes school so she can go on to college. Oh & make sure she gets her car too. Even if you have to drag you damn father into court. She bought that car so it's rightfully hers.

Please listen carefully to your sister before doing anything that affects her future. You dont indicate where she stands. She has the right to be controlled if she wants the things he provides for her. She might decide an education is worth it for her.

I was treated the same way and feel your pain and anger, but this isnt really about you. Its about her. Slow down. Feel free to vent here, but remember, we all have our own agendas here, and they may not match hers.

and; TSCC goes along with intimidation/coercion, To The MAX.

How old is your sister? Is she high school age? If so, you might want to consider intervening to help her if it becomes necessary. I went to live with an older sibling when I started high school. Decades later, my sibling and I are still very close.

I also think that you should talk to your sister about arranging for counseling at school. If she is underage, your sister can have one session with the school counselor without parental permission. She can get a lot out in that one session, perhaps enough to get her some practical help. Your father should not be threatening her in that fashion. The school will come down firmly on her side when it comes to school attendance.

Most unfortunate personal story, but important to have this as part of the expertise that is being developed about the Mormon cult.

What kind of person exploits their parental position to force someone to participate in a cult?

Should that person, because of their parental role, be able to destroy or damage the future of someone for love of their cult?

Should a parent be able to force a child to drink poisoned Kool-Aid?

Your father needs to remember two things:

- the old saying: "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."

- Articles of Faith #11, saying Mormons grant EVERYONE the right to worship however they wish.

Also he needs to remember Rule #33 of Parenting, Someday you children will be discussing rather to put you into a home, or to pull your plug.

Thank you guys for your support, the people on this board are truly amazing. My sister is out of high school and is going to community college. My dad doesn't realize that I know anything about the situation and in fact just sent me an email asking for my support and 'comfort' in his current divorce proceedings. Lol..

Wait, so she's out of high school? You should DEFINITELY do every thing you can to get her out of that house. Your dad is stepping over a lot of boundaries.

Is that surprising to those of us reading this thread. Sounds like he has problems with control.

Actually, my mom controlled and criticized and bullied everything he said or did ever since I can remember. Whenever we asked our parents for permission, the decision was always deferred to my mother. So I suppose it makes sense that he's doubled down on the people he can control. His self-esteem was pretty much obliterated by my mom and I do feel badly about that because it leaves only the church propping him up.

Thanks for everyone's advice. I live in Chicago now (they're in Cali) and having my sister move in with me is something I've considered before but will now think about a lot more seriously. To clarify, I don't think my sister is in any physical danger or anything like that but the church really does control every aspect of his life and the fear of yet another child leaving is no doubt too much to bear.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 03:41PM by euphegenia.

"I will support you, as long as you do what is right."

As a teen, I fought the power, and was scared ____less.

Stop yelling at me!

Do anything you can to support her. My parents often threatened me with the possibility of being kicked out while I was going through my transition out of the Morg, it was a seriously depressing feeling knowing that my family would rather have me endure three hours of hell rather than respect my right to decide as an adult. Make sure she is alright first of all, and if there is any way you can help her out of the situation take action. I sure wish somebody had helped me...

Do you still live in the same town? If so, it may be time to get a new room mate. If not, then maybe she can transfer her college credits to a community college in your town. Or better yet, does she have any girl friends that she could share an apartment with?

There are lots and lots of options.

As far as the car is concerned, she needs to make sure it is in legal title under her name. If not, point out to your Dad that it will be considered community property in the divorce, and does he really want to give up five or ten thousand dollars someplace else, in order to keep title of a vehicle that is not really his own? Of course he is a control freak so he might not go for it, but then she may get it anyways when the estate is divided up.

The only way to treat a bully is to bully them right back until they get back in line.

Sad to say, your Dad is a bully and is picking on the weaker child. She needs your help.

If for some reason your sister needs to find a new living situation, and she can't live with you, give me a shout out on the board. I can give lots of advice about finding and living with roommates. If you split living expenses with three or four people, it's not that expensive to live on your own.

What is the divorce about? You don't mention your mom. Is this about a step-mom divorcing? Has your father always been so controlling in the home? Is he simply desperate?

I think you need to tell dad that he's harsh and try to talk some sense into him for your sis.

My sister is three years older than me. Shortly after she moved out -- I was 15 -- my dad and stepmonster were fighting a lot. It happened to be summer, so dad pulled me aside one day and said "You know, it would be cool if I could get you out of the house for a little while until things settle down and we get stuff worked out. Could you go stay with your sister?"

Hellz yeah, I can go stay with my sister. I was there for three weeks -- including my 16th birthday. (Yeah, my parents were all birth-what? We don't care about your stinkin' stupid birthdays.)

And so can yours. Especially if she is out of high school, I see no reason why the two of you can't be roomies and support/help each other. Also, I'm assuming that, since she bought her car, it's in her name. If she is over 18, there is no reason at all she can't live anywhere she wants to. Why don't you help her out?

Forget trying to get Dad to back down off his nonsense. He's not going to do that. He's just trying to tighten the thumbscrews down on your sister to control her in hopes that she won't also apostacize. If she's 18, she's a legal adult and he doesn't get to dictate where she lives. So make a space for her on your couch or find a bigger apartment so she can have a room or, for god's sake do SOMETHING to help your sister. Don't just come on here and bitch about your dad being a dick. Have your sister's back!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 09:07AM by dogzilla.

Yeah! That'll keep her active! For years to come, no doubt.

(Tongue's in my cheek.)

"Sounds like Satan's plan to me, Dad"

Unthinkable cruelty on the part of your father, IMHO. For a church that purports to be "Christian", there sure is a $hitload of un-Christlike behavior goin' on. I quit going when I was about 20 and my Dad never said a word, because he respected me and my choices....and he was the best man I ever knew...and many people in his LDS circle of friends would agree with me.

Ron Burr

My "father" did the same thing! But my sister was still in HS. She even had to sign a contract that said she would go to church, attend seminary, stop seing her non-lds boyfriend, and quit the rock band she was playing in. Guess what happened? She moved out at age 17 with her bf, got married at 18, and she was almost killed by him. He was so abusive to her, but she didn't have any where else to go. Now, she suffers from PTSD and "dad" has the gall to tell her she's faking it, and if she just would have went to church and did was she was "supposed" to do, she would be fine.

...whether she participates in a certain church and religion or not. Unfortunately, a lot of LDS-brainwashed parents lack the psychological maturity to let their children decide for themselves if they'll attend the Mormon organization (a cult, really) or not.

Far too often, the parents employ fear, guilt, and shame to pressure their kids to do what the adults want - just like the abusive and manipulative LD$ Church.

Through our behavior, we teach people how to treat us. If we act like a doormat, sooner or later, someone is going to walk on us.

Your younger sister needs to assert herself and call your father's bluff. She needs to muster the courage and tell him that she will NOT be attending the Mormon Church or doing anything LDS-related that she doesn't want to - period.

If he kicks her out of the house, then she can go to Family Services (part of the government - look in the phone book's blue pages section) for assistance (if you're unable to take her in).

It comes down to what your sister is willing to tolerate and how much of her freedom she's willing to surrender to her dysfunctional, manipulative, and immature father in order to placate him.

What is her freedom worth to her? What price is she willing to pay for it? Only she can decide.

I wish her well.

You might remind your father that it was Lucifer who wanted to compel everyone to be righteous.

This is Mormonism, the Satan pre-existence plan, but they don't recognize it any longer.

I have never been able to get a TBM to see the similarities, but Mormonism BIC style is tyranny.

Those BIC that have had different experiences, fine, but the plan is to get all BIC children producing BIC children before they figure out how to escape from the cult. There is no co-existence plan, the Plan of Salvation is about us and them and they think Satan's plan is better than experiencing mortality, flaws and all.

This subject is important, an effective and proper way to help people under 18 separate from Mormonism needs to be clearly discussed and explored. Good and bad, risky and safe.

A TBM parent is a dangerous thing to a child with curiosity and courage.

More evidence that Mormonism is anti family. Is sacrament water thicker than blood? It is for my idiot father.

Because I came from a background of completely opposite parenting and actually graved some rules from my only parent as evidence that she knew I lived in her house, I have the following suggestion. Voice to your father that you care about your younger sister's welfare and believe he does too because he cared enough to set some rules and guidance for his daughter to live by.

Follow this with the comment Stray Mutt suggested----that force feeding is not the best choice to make as is taught by his choice of church, the LDS church. And if he does not budge, then at least you tried.

No, it's not too harsh. You're an adult now and you can keep or cut contact as you please. Furthermore remained contact is one of the few things we have as leverage on our parents as adults. That said I'd rather solve the situation in some other way especially as it might do nothing for your sister. Couldn't she perhaps stay with you or something?

Be passive-aggressive with him. Start a conversation about the pre-existence story. Ask him what Satan's and Jesus's plans were. Then ask him which plan he thinks is better. Then bring your sister into the story (so after that bit of conversation he should draw the parallels immediately). If your father is a TBM, hopefully he'll decide to be Christ-like and not Satan-like.

My parents were like this as well. I think a lot of parents probably are. I honestly think the reason it is this way is because of how a lot of the church members judge a parent by how good their children are. If your sister isn't going to church, it makes her parents look very bad, like they're sinning, etc.