I stopped attending the church almost two years ago but it has taken me this long to post here, although I have been reading the many uplifting posts.

Around 1970, I had a job in Washington state where I came across my first Mormon. Two families in my area were LDS and I thought them to be really wierd at the time. (I sure wish I would have kept that thought in my mind!). Being somewhat pressured by my boss, my wife and I consented to go to an LDS missionary display in a chapel some 25 miles from where we lived. I accepted a BoM but did not look at it until I had moved to a different state for another job, and of course I moved to a small community in Idaho that was about 98% Mormon. After being taught by the missionaries, and believing that God had brought us to this area for some great purpose, we joined.

Over the next 40 years or so, I only had a few leadership positions (Branch EQ President, mission leader, stake missionary.) due to my being somewhat radical when it came to the political arena. After hearing ETB speak in a 1970 GC telling members to read a conspiracy book, I bought a case of the books and would give them to members as we traveled on our summer vacations. Eventually I would be passed over as ward speaker due to my forthrightness on political-based subjects. In our last ward, I got to speak three times in 19 years.

Once as an EQ Pres. and instructor, I gave a lesson based on another of those 4 books recommended reading for Mormons in that GC, and a visiting BYU group including a professor left in the middle of class saying that they did have to be subject to apostate teachings (ETB was a bad guy to many in those days.). When I moved back to Idaho many years after the first time, I was again asked to speak, but I concentrated again on those books and was afterward interregated for thirty minutes because I had supposedly gotten off the subject that had been assigned to me. I spoke few times after that.

As I now joke to my wife, "I have always been a non-confrontational team player!" That being the opposite, I was always being couseled by a leader when I would ask questions that should not be asked, such as: "Where did the fossils come from?" or "Why did the GA's never talk about current events?" or "What is the Kingdom of God?" I had gotten into trouble twice and had lost my recommend each time for questioning my bishop and my branch president.

On the Washington coast, I was once called to be a stake missionary but I said I would not accept unless they made me a "seventy", something I had always wanted. I remained a "70" for 6 months until that position was eliminated, and was told I would go back to being an elder.

Living in Idaho allowed me to learn about polygamy and other "shaky" doctrines, but I knew without a doubt that the church was true so I would set my questions aside and continue on. But, I never did like dressing up and as time went on, some days I had even refused to wear a tie. And I went to few socials. Just before finding out the real truth, my wife and I attended the temple (some 5 hours away) more than any ward couple outside of the specially called temple missionaries. I wanted to be obedient even if a bit rebellious.

At one sacrament meeting our bishop admonished all members to read the BoM. After having followed the counsel of President Hinckley to read the book, and having read old institute manuals and folled the teachings of GA's and BYU professors, I was eager to read this "glorous" book again. But this time, I decided to read the book using the Spirit for guidence instead of church leaders, and I began having unanswerable questions. My bishop refused to talk to me about my concenrs regarding the BoM and D & C.

Then I read an Amazon review of a book called, "Passing the Heavenly Gift", by Denver Snuffer. Many of the reviews said that such reading strengthened their testimonies so I knew that I need to order and read it along with the other books the author had written on seeing God face to face. Well, the reading of that book did not strengthen my testimony of the truthfulness of the Church's claims. I thought that if I had been showed some glaring inconsistencies in church history, maybe there was more out there and I might find them by searching a bit.

One day, while browsing the internet, I came across "Mormon Think" and was even more startled than with Snuffer's book. I would read something and then tell myself that this was anti-Mormon and "I shouldn't read this." But, soon I would tell myself that just one more subject area couldn't hurt, and I would try another, and another, and another....until finally, I said to myself, "I'm through! The church is not true! It is a fraud!" The parts that really got to me first were the "head in hat translation", and what the witnesses to the plates eventually wrote about their witnessing.

One year in an EQ class the instructor had used o B.H Roberts book as the test. Great class! Oh, how I respected B.H. Roberts! So when I read what this man had said of his belief that the BoM could have been written by Josep Smith, my feelings were strengthened even more. No turnng back now!

After two years, I find that most of my very close friends have deserted me and our one child and her family has not contacted us in two months as our relationship is growing weaker as the time passes. At first I couldn't see how people having been out of the church for 10 years would continue to post here, but now I understand. It is really hard to get completely out of a cult such as this. And, since my wife and I have both worked part time for the church over 40 years, we could lose our small retirement if we sent in our resignation letters. But we are working at slowly eliminating contact with church members. Even with all of the misery we have endured the past 2 years, I am so glad that I finally "know" that the Fraudulent Church is really fraudulent!!!