I've been gone 20 years now. I can honestly say I am so grateful to be able to say that. My life was NOT easy at all. I was born to a divorced set of parents that didn't want me. My mother gave me up for adoption and told her family I had died. My father did want me but he had a criminal record so I was placed in foster care for six months. I was adopted by Mormon parents, father was a convert and mother had been born into the church. The first report of child abuse was filed against my mother when I was 9 months old, barely three months in their care. So my parents moved to NY. There they adopted my little brother. Eventually we ended up in the Virginia area. I was being abused at home both sexually and emotionally continuously. As a child I remember going to the Washington D.C. temple to be sealed to my parents. I just remember it was really boring and although my parents thought it was an accomplishment I never did. I did the Baptisms for the Dead several times and just thought it was dizzying and creepy. My little brother however was the rebellious one and fought going to church every single time. We went for three hours on Sunday and had FHE on Monday night. Then we went back for Primary one night a week. The abuse continued at home and I was severely depressed. I attended girl scouts, girls camp, and even MIA. At 10 my primary teacher was Sonia Johnson who began support of the ERA amendment and my ward bishop excommunicated her. The story of how the church deletes people had made a huge impression on my I was scared to tell anyone what was happening at home. However, when I was 11 or so my parents bought a large tract of land in the very rural part of Virginia. It meant moving hours away from any friends or family and in fact my mother stayed at the house in the City for two years only seeing us on Weekends. It gave my father full reign over his abuse and manipulation. At 13 I realized what was happening what not at all as it should be. I went to some Mormon neighbors and told them. An elderly couple who chose to meet with my mom and tell her they needed to get me under control. When I was 10 my mother repeatedly had attempted suicide and one of those occasions she overdosed on fertility drugs she had been trying to have "children of her own" for many years unsuccessfully. The od helped and she became pregnant twice. After I had first reported my dad to the church couple and realized nothing would happen except now my father was incredibly angry at me and mom was too. I went to school and notified my homeroom teacher, counselor and eventually the Principal about what was happening at home. He took me to a conference room with a phone and said "before you tell me anything else, you might want to call your mom and tell her what you are doing." I did. Mom said don't open my mouth, I did anyway. They sent me back to class and I decided I would plan another suicide attempt that weekend. I couldn't take the abuse anymore. That day however, mom took me to social services after school and I reported my dad officially finally. The social worker asked if there was somewhere I could stay a few days my mother took me to a church members house where I was lectured by the mother to not talk about what was going on to her daughter because it was my fault. I did anyway. Everyone was surprised when my dad admitted everything I had said was true. No one knew what to do with this. After weeks away social workers sent me back to the home and within a few days the sexual abuse started again!!! I called DSS every day reporting the new activity and each time they would tell me if I called again they would have to remove me from the home. I wanted my mom to leave him and take us four kids with her, but after she did for a weekend, she went back home with us in tow. Eventually I was removed from the home and my father burned everything I had ever owned, including the wallpaper off the walls of my bedroom. Everything. Although I was in foster care my parents were requested to put me in counseling, they insisted to the judge that it was against their religion to do that with someone outside of the church, so I was ordered to attend counseling 45 minutes away at a Steak Presidents location. The first session he met with my parents first, then asked them to leave the room and met with me. As soon as the door closed he told me "you are doing irreparable harm to your family by refusing to go home." I walked out of the meeting. I refused to go back. I did attempt suicide again and spent months in a mental hospital over it. After a year in foster care they sent me home and nothing had changed. Abuse within two weeks of coming home. Due to my mom having significant surgery all four of us kids were sent to stay with relatives (dad's family) in Ohio. Several weeks after going mom calls telling me that dad had smacked her and she didn't know what to do. I distinctly remember telling her that she had always told me if a man did to leave him. The next day I was told my dad was on his way to pick us all up. I was terrified. My grandmother and two aunts confronted me saying my dad was a good man and had never done the things I had accused him of. After a screaming argument I eventually shut up and within a few days we were all back home again. This time though, my mom was making plans to leave him. I would pack items while they were both at work. I came across journals that belonged to my mom and began reading them. I found out that she had known about this abuse from the time I was very very young and had even talked to church members about it, but they supported keeping the family together and not her. She stayed for many years. Finally we were free of him, although my little brother was forced to stay with him. Our new bishop offered counseling and immediately I realized he was the former Steak President counselor and refused to go. I left the church and my mother and at 15 was on my own, paying my own rent and living in my own boarding house room. I quit school to work, but depression was eating me alive. I ended up hospitalized again this time for 6 months. During the first few weeks church members started showing up telling me how they loved me, (I didn't even know them!) But eventually my "home teachers" showed up to explain there was going to be a church court for my father. I always wondered why it took so long and angrily demanded to know after all he had done and put us all through, especially me, why now? When I got the letter requesting my input it was clear. He wasn't being excommunicated for the many years of abuse of me, he was being excommunicated for divorcing my mother. WTF??? I refused to see any more mormons while I was hospitalized. I wrote my letter of what he had done to me but refused to go "testify". Fast forward a few years and by now my dad had remarried (just days after his divorce to my mom) and I found out his new wife had a young teen daughter. I insisted on telling my new step mother and my new half sister what he had done. I refused all further contact with him and his family. Years later I was married and had moved out of State when I was contacted my a former Steak President and informed that my dad was attempting to get his membership back in the church and they wanted to know if I had forgiven him. I asked the man "doesn't forgiveness require him to ask for my forgiveness and apologize for what he had done?" They said not necessarily. I said well he has not asked for my forgiveness so I haven't given it. I also informed them I wanted NOTHING to do with the church to leave me alone. I didn't need random phone calls from them asking about a piece of crap I had nothing to do with in years. Few months later, missionaries show up. I wrote letters to the church asking them to stop contacting me in all ways. They insisted I had to visit the local bishop and request it. I did. Finally I was notified my name had been removed from all records. Only a few years later I learned my father was not only reinstated, but he was a member of the bishopric now and over the Primary organization at his ward in Florida. I was furious!! How in the world could the church do that knowing what they knew about how he had not only abused me and my sister (13 years longer than me.) But he had done so much more that they knew about; beatings, horrid emotional abuse etc... without ever asking for my forgiveness or anyone elses. He died about 5 years ago now, but when he died he was a Temple Missionary and worked at children's groups in his ward. Pathetic. I am so glad to be gone and have never regretted it. I am married to an incredible man that feels exactly as I do about religion in general. Although some of my extended family is still Mormon, I don't set foot in any ceremony or Mormon church at all. One thing I forgot to mention, the bishop that later counseled me telling me I was doing irreparable damage to my family? Yeah, he was convicted of child sex abuse also. If they will not only protect an abuser, then what else are they okay with?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2014 04:56PM by cmgone.