So here’s my story, sorry for the wall of text



A roll of gaffer (duct) tape is an essential part of any toolkit. It has the ability to hold things together and fix the unfixable. It is so adaptable, it was part of the toolkit sent to the Moon and subsequent space missions.
I believe a roll of tape is essential to being LDS and here I explain why.

I was born in to the church and grew up in a small ward in South West England. We followed my father’s career around the country and finally settled in the North West. Due to this I never grew attached to any one particular church friend and as a result I was not the most devout Mormon out there but I lived all the standards, went on youth baptism trips, conventions etc.

I first started putting things on my shelf from an early age, possibly around 10ish. Polygamy was the first. I was taught that we should be devoted to one person and not to “covet thy neighbour’s ass”, no matter how peachy it looks. It was explained to me that polygamy was there during the LDS migration West to look after and comfort the wife’s of diligent husbands that had perished on the trip. I was told there was no sexual activity, it was purely a mechanism for fellowship and comfort. I didn’t fully buy it, so it went on the shelf. The Book of Mormon stories were next to trouble me, specifically Nephi and Laban. The Lord commanded Nephi to retrieve the plates. The Lord had “prepared a way” for him to do this by killing a drunk man slumped in a darkened alley. Why did the Lord command Nephi to kill someone? Isn’t that a sin? Why did the Lord get Nephi to do his dirty work and chop off a dudes head when he could have simply made him drink more so he dies of alcohol poisoning? The answers came thick and fast from my youth leaders “It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief” was the one that stuck in my head. Again I didn’t buy it so it went on the shelf. More and more of these questions developed with more and more answers that just didn’t cut it. The shelf was getting cluttered with stuff and was starting to sag slightly.

8 years ago I got married in the temple to my Wife, the love of my life who is the entire world to me. We became more active in the church than ever before, accepting callings in Young Men’s, Elders Quorum and other auxiliaries. The shelf is still sagging but I’m doing OK.

Fast forward to 2008 and proposition 8 hits the headlines here in sunny Britain. Same sex marriage? I thought it was great idea. People would be able to exercise their free agency and marry the one they loved. After all isn’t that one of the major principles of the LDS faith? You have the right to choose whatever you want to do. Granted there are consequences to these actions but that fits with Newton’s third law of physics so I was cool with that one.

All of a sudden and without warning I’m reading a news article about Prop8 and it turns out the church have funded the no vote to the tune of almost $200k!! WTF?!? Where’s peoples free agency gone? Why is religion trying to influence politics? Just look at Saudi Arabia (yes it’s an extreme case I know)

My shelf suddenly gets a crack in it the size of the San Andreas Fault, it’s at risk of total collapse. Hastily I look round for my trusty gaffer tape. Shit, it’s still in the packaging, I haven’t used it yet. I prop up the shelf with my head and rip off the plastic shrink wrap. In a frenzy I apply copious amounts of tape to the shelf in the hope it will hold. There is a pause… I look up at my handy work and gingerly remove my hands from the shelf. The shelf is still intact however it’s slightly saggier.

I talk to my bishop and peers about the problem and I get spun the line that in the fullness of time everything will make sense, have faith, hold on to your core values and the church needs to protect itself from worldly matters. My core values are equal rights so Prop8 stayed on the taped sagging shelf.

Again I knuckled down with my church callings accepting the call to the Bishopric hoping I will gain some insight that will help restore my shelf to its once former glory.

Nothing materialised.

Bishopric training meetings consisted of sales pitch after sales pitch of how we need more members, how we should reactivate the heathens of the world and specifically target the males as the women are more likely to follow their lead…sexist and demeaning much?

Church disciplines showed me the ugly “managerial” side of the church where despite their claims, no love, compassion or understanding was ever given to the people sat at the end of the table. It was a truly daunting experience for the people receiving the punishment as in my opinion they had to prove their innocence rather than the other way round. After every hearing, bishopric training meeting or fireside, more tape was applied to my shelf. I had used a lot of tape by this time and the shelf was starting to creak and groan.

Whilst serving as a bishopric councillor the church released the infamous essays. With due diligence I studied them in the hope I would have some answers for the questions that would inevitably come my way. Polygamy raised its head again but went further to incorporate polyandry which I knew nothing about. Race and the priesthood and the disavowment of past prophets and leaders including passages in the BoM really shook the shelf. If they were wrong on this and the divine revelation they had received from God was wrong, what else have they been wrong about or was it that our current leaders are wrong?

The Book of Abraham, Kinderhook plates and the Greek Psaltar translation admissions brought JS's ability to translate and therefore the entire foundation into disrepute. I believe there is a primary song about building houses on some rocks – apparently the church didn’t follow this model.

I started to look deeper as we all have done and found out far more inconsistencies than you can shake a stick at. The CES letter presented it very well.

All of a sudden and out of nowhere Michael Fucking Jordan appears, leaping through the air in his trademark pose. Ball and hand aloft and his legs in the scissor position. I quickly turn round and gaze at my once loved and extremely battered shelf. Without warning Jordan slam dunks my shelf obliterating it into a million pieces...

Silence. I stood there upset, dumfounded and confused. My fingers were gently looped inside my roll of gaffer tape. I knew I couldn’t come back from this one. I held on to this knowledge for some time before plucking up the courage to drip feed it to my Wife.

It started with a chap that attended BYU and wasn’t awarded his degree as he was excommunicated. The cost of the shopping mall that we will never benefit from. Polyandry, the Book of Abraham. All these things slowly pricked her moral conscience. Things didn’t add up. One night in bed I turned to her and said “I can’t do this anymore”. She simply hugged me and said nothing.

The relief I felt was amazing, I had finally faced facts and realised there is another world out there. It took her a couple of weeks but with reading “LDS approved” material she also couldn’t defend the church anymore.

I spoke to my Bishop concerning these things a few weeks ago. He is a great guy and a good friend. There was genuine concern but I still got the same answers, have faith, endure to the end, think of the bigger picture. I can’t do that. I can’t live a lie and attend a church I believe was founded by a treasure hunter that contradicts itself throughout history and continues to do so.

The hardest part was learning it was all made up. The stories of visiting angles, the translation process (fucking hat and stone, come on!!) polyandry, teen wives and the list goes on. The morals we are taught to abide by clearly didn’t take place early on, and racism was rife until the 70’s. That’s not how a loving God would allow his spokesmen on Earth on behave.

As I stand here now with a shattered shelf I look around and realise the potential new opportunities. I am genuinely excited to carry on the rest of my live with my loving wife and two sons (3yrs and 6 mths) and the adventures that are to come. My roll of gaffer tape can be put to better uses and I no longer have to live in constant fear of “what if I slip up”. I’m sure whatever the afterlife brings I will spend it with the ones I love and care about, no true loving God would deny that right.

I have had a great deal of support from a very good friend who has also recently had his shelf broken. It’s not an easy realisation to come to and I know a lot of people’s families and friends have shunned them, even disowned them. This is not what the church teaches. I was fortunate, my wife and friends acted with love, kindness and understanding when I needed them. If only all LDS members were to act like this, it may make things a lot easier.

For those of you in the same position as me, dig deep. Think long and hard and weigh up all the outcomes from your research. Do not be afraid to ask questions, do not be a robot that goes with the flow. Actively seek out what you believe to be the truth and act upon it. Do not mindlessly patch up your shelf, gaffer tape has many better uses.




By doing these things you will be happier... that I promise you.