Mother Who Knows Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > They treat me like dirt, and I don't enjoy being > around them, but--why does it hurt so much? I know it was rhetorical, but somehow we are conditioned to mourn those who die. It is expected to hurt. But we aren't supposed to hurt from family who are alive. Rejection for you as a person, not
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Sorry to hear that you also lost your only person too LJ12. It was heartbreaking to lose my only one. But I would not have dumped my whole family as long as he was there. So it did make a good thing happen. But I wish I still had him around. Families should come with many people who love and care about us. We shouldn't be relegated to having only one. And as I said, I wonder if mine wasn'
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One other damaging thing that happened at the time of being banned from the funeral. As I've said in the other post, the brother who died was my favorite person in the world. He was my only person to trust, and I was his. I was the only one in real contact with him in the year before he died. So it was a real shock that I wasn't going to be at the funeral. I thought I would be taking care of it a
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exminion Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I hate to agree with such a harsh conclusion, DNA, > but that's what I ended up doing. I didn't just > cut out my family, all at once, though. It was a > slow, painful process of trying to keep those > life-long relationships alive, until I just gave > up, or until they were so cold and snobby, th
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As a psychotherapist, I would always tell my clients to, "Accept that what is, is." And it really makes life better when you do." Yet in my own life, I wasn't. I kept pretending that it was better, or had value much more than it really did. When I finally gave up and accepted reality, it was as good as I would always tell my clients it would be. So much easier to see it, and
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I think I kind of understand your point about seeing things in a new light making it seem different. I remember when I was TBM I was walking near temple square and a conference protester had a sign that said, "mormons think that Jesus and Satan are brothers!" It looked so shocking for a moment, then I thought.."Oh, ya, we do." But seeing it from another direction looke
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Also, once you realize that extended family will only accept you if you pretend to not be you, what is the point? For the entire other part of my world, I could say how fun a trip was that I went on to Bali last month. And I could say how I found an amazing place to have drinks and the rock band there was so great, every night. And it's just normal conversation. Say the same thing around
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SoCal Apostate Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I too have separated myself from large segments of > our common relatives. The assumption that every > interaction will be church-centered, and the > arrogance of their default reasoning makes them > insufferable. Your side of the family is the most mormon of my two sides. But even the more ca
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LJ12, it is disorientating. If I went to their house, we had what seemed like nice conversations many times. But then if I didn't see them for a long time, nieces and nephews that loved to be around me were giving me the cold shoulder. One of them too young to know better even said, "Do you want to know what they say about you?" Before a parent hurried and hushed them up sternly. It
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I posted a little over two years ago under the title: "Banned from a funeral that starts soon- long" To refresh, I come from a large very mormon family. The only person that I was close to committed suicide, and I was banned from his funeral. I became an orphan at that time as a choice. Blocked them all on fb and will never see them again. I don't recommend this for almost ever
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I'm able to build a house, and help siblings with theirs when they need help. I can fix things, and help siblings when they need it. I'm good at landscaping, and will drive to siblings houses with a tiller and help them get their yards going and give ideas and bring them plants to get them started. When I have a truck and trailer, I help move, pick up large items they purchase, etc.
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It's been a few weeks. Here's where I'm at. I unfriended everyone in my family on fb. I have a tendency, but not too strong of one, of seeing what they are doing on fb and wishing that they were interested in my life. I gave up on ever being important to any of them at all. So it was easier to not see what is happening with them ever. I needed to know who the executor of my brother's estate
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n/t
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n/t
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In case this gets buried off the main page before SoCal sees it. Will you guys direct his attention back to it please. Thanks much.
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Hey, thanks for the idea about charities. It didn't enter my mind. If my girlfriend and I had died together in a crash or something, the sister who banned me would have had lots of money. I changed it to my girlfriends daughter. As a third, I chose the brother that couldn't talk to me because he was with family. Not because I wanted to. I just had no one else to give it to. I didn't even thin
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As I don't follow the board anymore, I missed this. So thank you Kathleen! I sent you contact information on the post Kathleen linked to.
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I missed this post till "Kathleen" directed my attention to it. You have all the details right, so we must be related. I don't have the book, as I live in another country, and learned to travel light. But I'm super curious who you are. I choose the name DNA because the Indian's not being who I was taught that they were was my big breaking point. But it is also a scramble of my first
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I popped back in here and read your responses. Thank you all for your support and concern. One interesting event since the funeral, I asked a brother to make a mental note and tell me about the funeral. He didn't contact me and tell me, but I contacted him through instant messaging. I asked it if was a good time to call. He said, "No, I'm with family." Can't talk to me because he
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When my sister banned me, I told here that I was going to advertise my own funeral and hold a graveside service of my own. It was mostly just so that she didn't think that she won. I live half way around the world. And the truth is, maybe nobody would come even if I flew there and did it. One of the things making him so lonely was that he was still Mormon. He had and affair and divorced.
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I read each of your comments. And there was a lot of good helpful thoughts in them. Thank you for your kindness. I called a friend of mine last night that had worked for my brother like 15-20 years ago. He is Mormon, but not a Utah one. A Utah transplant, which seems to be better. Anyway, I hadn't talked to him for seven years. I've lived in another country for six years, and he doesn't d
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Amyjo Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > You will have to go through the grieving stages > without any support from those misfit morons of a > family. You're not only grieving the tragic, > senseless loss of your brother. You're grieving > the loss of the family you once knew and loved. > You are right. Even with all the shunning th
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Thanks for your interpretation of what their words are meaning. I agree. Though I didn't think it through that clearly and succinctly. That oldest sister said that she thinks pornography addiction is what killed him. It couldn't have been the pain of being alienated from his family. It had to be an external easy for Mormons to be judgmental cause.
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I used to post here years back. I popped in maybe last year and said how great my life was now, with a wonderful girlfriend and almost no contact with my family. I kept in contact with a brother. He was Mormon so that he didn't go to hell, but didn't like to be one. But was going to do it forever because he does what he has to do. He was fine with me not being one. And didn't seem to mind my
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Dropped back by and read the replies. Kind of nice that some of you remember me from a few years ago. And just to reiterate. When I was leaving, this board was so helpful. There are a lot of thoughts to clarify and figure out in that stage. But it is so nice to be in another place now. Mentally and physically. I live where there are no Mormons. No Mormon church buildings. Nothing Mormon a
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I used to post here a lot. When I was leaving, it was helpful to talk to others who were in the same place, or had been. I got to a point where Mormonism seemed to be in the past, not the present in my life. At that point, this board didn't serve the same purpose for me anymore. I found other ways to kill time, where before it wasn't killing time, it was figuring things out. Then I got divorc
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Thanks, I'll look at the link. Last I knew years back it was a letter, meeting with a Bishop etc.
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I haven't posted here for about four years, but I used to post pretty regularly. This place was helpful for me when I was trying to wrap my head around losing everything that I had ever known. I stopped going to church about six years ago, but never resigned. I thought that it was an unnecessary step that I didn't feel like making the effort for. As long as I knew that I wasn't a Mormon, it
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Man In Black, I almost never come here anymore too. I'm glad I saw your post when I came for a rare visit. I had filed away in my mind that you were one of the ones that it didn't work out for. I'm so pleased to hear that it came around for you and your family. It made my day.
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It seemed to have started in 1966 with a sniper in a bell tower on a compus. It grew to a handful of intances in the 70's, then really started to take off in the 80's. The 90's and 2000's even more. In the list I saw (can't find it now) from 1800 to 1966 there was only one mass killing at a school. It's a modern problem, but has been going on for about 46 years. It has really taken off for 20
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