I spent 20 years devoting myself to TSCC. I spent a decade as a stake auxiliary leader (and a really involved, devoted one). I studied my brains out for 3 years as gospel doctrine teacher. I taught seminary, and none of it got me any respect, and I can't put any of it on my resume. I even thought I was doing good, but I was devoting myself to an organization that harms others.

What I should have been doing was working outside my home! I could have had something to put on my resume or even a doctorate for all of the work I put in. But, I was told to stay at home with my children and I did as I was told, because I trusted advice from people who weren't trustworthy.

So, now I sit here feeling like I've been had! I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but what I was teaching in church was pure nonsense, and the help I thought I was giving people was no help at all. And, to boot, my husband and I have paid almost a quarter of a million dollars in tithing over many years. The TSCC took everything from me, and when I had no more to give, it had no use for me. I feel that my time and effort was utterly wasted.

When I did finally go back to work, I watched others younger than I being promoted and recognized for their contributions. I'm now 61 and wishing I had more time to accomplish the things I should have earlier, and I'm watching others my age planning their retirement and wondering why I'm not planning mine.

I want it all back--all of my time, effort and money. I was used by the elite men's club at the top of church leadership to make their phony church look more credible, and I was good at it.

I imagine there are those of you who will tell me it's my own fault for believing that crap and making those choices, but I was a true blue believer. I had faith in those who used me.

I want my life back!!!!

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I feel like such an idiot for being duped for so long by the evil Corporation. Just know, you are not alone! The majority on this site have been through the same thing and have felt the same emotions. The Corp knows how to play the game. They do everything in their power to prevent you from finding out their true history and do not want you questioning their authority, history, or doctrine. Those who do are disciplined and/or shunned. They make it difficult for anyone wanting to leave. I believe one of the reasons they keep their members so busy with callings, temple work, janitor work, HT, VT, and lastly your family responsibilities is so the members won't have the time to research the Corp.

Be proud that you were able to see through the Corp's BS!! Look at this as a fresh beginning and a fresh start regardless of your age! I went through several emotions when I stopped believing in the Corp. Several months later, it has mostly become an overwhelming sense of freedom and happiness. It is great being free from the evil Corporation! It does suck, though, looking back and thinking about lost opportunities and all the money wasted on tithing; but seeing a bright future ahead gives me a lot of hope. Good luck to you!

Unindoctrinated Wrote:
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>
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> I want my life back!!!!


Here's the good news: You get your life back.
Here's the bad news: You don't get your time, effort or money back.

So, start from here and now and move forward, because that's all you have.

I so understand how you feel

It's like coming to in a field, all muddy and bruised, realizing that you've been raped.

You feel outrage and shame at the same time and a sense of loss for all they took from you. It is a first response which is not really accurate. As long as you are alive, you were learning and growing in your experience. Even a cult experience has given you some positive take-aways.

I am older than you are and in the decades since I have been out of the church, these are some of the positive aspects of living MOrmon.

1. I do not have age spots from the sun, nor will I ever have to worry about skin cancer. I was indoors with toddlers and babies and always pregnant, which kept me off the beach and out of the sun. My spare time was spent at church, inside, teaching lessons or cooking.

2. I am not an alcoholic or a drug addict thanks to the WOrd of Wisdom. God knows I would have been if it weren't for (JUST KIDDING)

3. I learned how to bake bread and how to can.

4. I learned how to sew and how to make Christmas decorations out of trash.

5. I learned that I could work really hard day after day with a minimum of sleep.

6. I learned that the temple never gave me a useful spiritual insight of any kind and that God did not reward me for going.

7. I discovered that my own thinking and planning was superior to the inspired words of the brethren when it came to my own life and my family.

8. I learned that God did NOT keep his promises, and that I should set priorities that did not count on him doing anything.

9. I saw that no matter how faithful I was, and others were, random tragedies happened to us the same as anyone else.

10. I learned, finally, that rejecting masculine priesthood hierarchy made me happier.


I could go on, but you get the idea. You come out of a cult so much wiser than when you went in because you actually experienced certain truths that others only read about (and hence forget easily).

You will from now on research everything you are told. You will consider getting information from the other side and no one will ever be able to sell you a bill of goods based on their sayso.

The good news is that you have one third of your life left and you are in (presumably) good health. You may have to let go of career goals which are out of reach due to your age, but there are lots of areas where your history doesn't matter, only your talent.

Like singing, writing, painting, music, dance, etc. These can enrich your life. As far as your retirement goes, you may have to live on social security and a small pension, like I do, which may make you feel sad. I can tell you that you can be happy on less money if you have your freedom and reasonable health. You won't be able to travel, maybe, but you will be able to share housing with another retiree, and there are always documentaries and local trips.

I am the envy of my senior building because I have children coming and going all the time, grandchildren, dogs, etc. When you get into your seventies, wealth becomes more about relationships.

Today I saw a documentary about some of the great achievements of ancient times. Think about the brilliance and lifetime sacrifices that certain individual men made to build the monuments that we marvel over. We don't know any of their names, except a few pharoahs and emperors. Who designed them? Who oversaw the transportation of the materials?

The idea that you should have accomplishments to justify the space you take on the planet is not borne out by history. I invented a great design for crocheted slippers. I dont' think for a moment that anyone will remember or even care about the hours that I spent perfecting this technique. But I sure did enjoy the creativity of it. And the family all wear them.

That's what retirement is really all about--no longer doing things for the recognition of a fast paced younger society, but doing them for yourself and the satisfaction it gives YOU.

It's enough!


Anagrammy

It really is a spritual rape isn't it?

I am so sorry. You'll never hear from me that it's your fault. I am in the same position, but younger, but nonetheless the feelings aren't different. I am looking at re-entering the workforce after being out for so long to raise a family. I was asked to work full-time or nothing after it was agreed I would go part-time after my first child. Then to make it better, they slammed the Ensign down in front of me with it open to an article about how mother's should be home with their children. I was crushed. I also understand the feeling of loss when you decide to leave as it has been so much of your life. I am a lifelong member, born and raised and it's tough. But I think it will be worth it at some point. So, I get it. I hear you. I totally validate your feelings. I am really sorry that you feel so bad. Go have a drink, or ice cream and feel a little better! Hugs to you.

No one on this board would blame you, because many, if not most, have stood in your shoes. You are not alone. You are among friends.

I'm a few years older than you are and I just left TSCC in December of 2012. While my path has been similar to yours, it is difficult for me to decide which choices I made in my life were a direct result of the brainwashing I received from TSCC and which choices I would have made regardless.

I have two lovely daughters and I don't regret that I was at home when they got home from school to hear about their triumphs and tragedies. I don't regret that I found a career that gave me flexibility so that I could drive car pool to cheerleading events and be in the audience for the school talent show.

I don't have a great retirement in place and I'm not happy about that, but I'm not sure it was a bad trade off. It was the life I chose and I couldn't unlive it even if I wanted to.
The consequence of that choice is that I will have to work way past retirement age. That being the case however, I'm not sure that's such a bad thing either. My work is very seasonal and by the time I get to the end of a break, I'm more than ready to get back to work.

It is awful that we were lied to and that we gave so much time, effort and money to something that turned out to be fraudulent, but that is past and we can't do anything about it now.

I got divorced sixteen years ago, after a marriage of thirty-one years. It was pretty devastating, but I had to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I cried most nights and sometimes all the way to work and then I would pretend to be happy all day. Then one day I realized that I wasn't pretending any more. I was happy. When I left TSCC the feelings that I had were similar to those that I had after my divorce. I'm still angry and hurt, but I've decided that TSCC isn't going to get in the way of my happiness anymore.

There is a Barbra Streisand song on the album Higher Ground that sums up how I feel now about my life. It's called Lessons To Be Learned. The refrain is, "There are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned". I was a really slow learner, but I've learned some lessons and I'm sure that you have as well. Annagrammy gave you a list of some of the lessons, good and bad that she learned. I'm sure that you could also make a list. I hope that if you do, it will make you feel better.

I am with you all the way, I understand and have been in your shoes. I want to trot out the old idea that you are never too old. I find it works. One of the things I loved about my childhood was my dolls that my mother made dresses for and really encouraged me to enjoy. When I was in therapy for a childhood sexual attack, they encouraged us to enjoy the things we did as children, an ice cream, a funny cartoon etc. I decided to go back to my love of dolls. I even restore and dress them, and when I can't sew the outfits, find vintage and antique clothing on line etc. I am sure there are people who think I am an eccentric old lady with my cat and my dolls, and they may very well be right, but I love every minute of it.

I also went back to university at 40 and got the degrees I had missed out on in my younger years. For me the education was formal, and if you want to do that I encourage you to do so, I have tutored people of your age, and really enjoyed it. However, if you prefer just to read and learn on your own, all the things you always wanted to know are still available to you. Your library either has, or has access to, an enormous range of books, videos, documentaries etc.

I understand how you feel about lost time, but there is still time to do so many things you missed out on.

I hope this helps a little, and also my total support and my kindest thoughts. Take care!

You can put your teaching experience on your resume!

You just state that you became profcient in your religions doctrine to the point that you spent several years teaching it to teenagers everyday during a school year, and teaching adults every weekend for how many years.

Not everyone can teach teens, or adults.

Your temp agency, or local 'job counsel' at the employment center can give you the creative words for phrasing it correctly.

If you're asked about it in an interview you look them in the eye and tell them the dedicated hours you spent in looking up background for your subject and how you handled classroom discipline.

You can gracefully blush about the subject matter because trying to pin down Mormon doctrine is like nailing jello to a wall! It shows ingenuity and endurance and an ability to stick to a task and get it done.

You also are willing to learn more skills on a job.

Good luck!

"You can put your teaching experience on your resume!" MO

You volunteered at a nonprofit organization. You were a tutor. Willing to bet you have a LOT of other skills that most companies would love to see in an employee. Your dedication alone can speak volumes to an employer.

I also stayed home with my kids. The difference is that I was out of TSCC. Staying home was my choice. It was best for my kids. One of my kids had special needs, and another one had health issues. I could have worked and hired a nanny, but I thought that a parent could meet the special needs of my child better. So I gave up my career for a while and it was hard, but I felt good about it because I wanted to do it, not because I had some cult telling me what I should be doing with my life!

I feel so lucky that I got out of the cult before I married and had kids! I was able to make my own choices. I did go back to work eventually with no guilt what so ever. I feel sad for women who gave up their dreams and desires because of the TSCC. It should be all about choice.

Was it all a waste? At the time you believed, did you do your callings with happiness? Was there nothing in those years that gives you pride, or peace, or a smile? Were you growing as a soul?

I will be hissed at and booed, I'm sure, when I say this- it IS our fault if we stay in an organisation once we know it's wrong. There IS personal accountability- the Church didn't copyright this concept. Once you know, you have to take action, or you become part of the lie. You chose the honorable path, to live truthfully, but it sounds like this choice did not give you as much peace as you'd like.

Your life would have been different if you had opted out earlier. Might have had more money, or you might have invested it all in a business that went under. You might have gotten a great job, or you might have ended up in a deadend pink collar waste of time that left you with ulcers and migraines. Regretting what could have been traps us from living in the now. This time AC-after Church- is YOURS to live, and to enjoy. The anger you feel at the church is justified, but if it's stopping you from feeling real joy, then the Church is still running your mind, if you get what I'm trying to say.

There is a story about two monks, a young monk and an old monk walking together back to the monastery. They happen across a woman beside a river who wanted to cross but needed help. The older monk picked her up, set her down on the other side, and the two monks continued on.

The young monk was very upset by this because he knew it was against the rules to touch women. He stewed about it silently as they walked along for miles. Finally, he couldn't stand the thought any more and asked the older monk "WHY did you pick up that woman, you KNOW that is against the rules!"

The older monk said, "Yes, but I put her down miles ago. You are the one who is still carrying her."

....
I know grief is a process, but keep in mind that what lies ahead is still a blank canvas. Try not to contaminate it with the past.

We need a magic phrase or pill to help posters leap beyond this mountain of grief.

As hard as it is, what's done is done. Whatever time and freedom is left in life can be enjoyed to the fullest.

AMEN SISTER! & NO One here would tell u its your fault. Weve all been DUPED by those soul sucking, time vampires!! Like you,I listened to all there bad adivise.My parents told me women only go to college to get their Mrs. Degree. and that I didnt need college to get a man. My HS couselor was LDS,he talked me out of college prep classes & early enrollment into JC. When I did enroll my D was mad. TSCC says stay home,have babies. But when u need their help so-long. All THEIR Advice is to THEIR BENEFIT!!

"7. I discovered that my own thinking and planning was superior to the inspired words of the brethren when it came to my own life and my family."

For that reason alone, it was worth my leaving the cult. Yes, we are all angry at the time and money and emotion, loyalty, and energy we expended to try to be something impossible--the perfect Mormon. I was used for my piano and organ and teaching training. All that could have gotten me some good and satisfying jobs in the real world, such as teaching children or playing really beautiful (allowed) great music in a Christian church. The cult wasted us, used us up, yet made us feel bad that we weren't giving MORE. How did that work?

I'm older, too, but I got my children out of the cult, which I am very proud about! Whenever I start lamenting about breaking up with the love of my life to marry a returned missionary who beat me on our wedding day, and the pain and injuries and fear I lived through, while my sweet soul mate found someone else. When I regret pleasing my parents and the cult, instead of following my own heart--I get angry. Anger is good, and makes you feel better, if it is used as a normal part of healing.

Whatever punishment the Mormons have heaped onto me and my children has not been as bad as the cruelty and abuse we suffered while we were still in the cult. Let them shun, love-bomb, let them try to lie to my grandchildren (I straighten them out) let them manipulate them into joining their stupid Mormon activities and camp-outs (where my daughter was molested). Let them even gossip and lie about me! I would go through years of this, even if I were going to live only one more day. Let me live that one day free of Mormonism! It is so worth resigning! So What if you have only one week or 30 years Mormon-free, when my kids and others will have 70 years. Life is good!

...a future to create. The remainder of your life is in your hands now and will be strongly affected by what you think and the feelings that your thoughts trigger.

If you wish to enjoy your inner life more, to spend more of your waking hours happy, you'll need to learn to not feel sorry for yourself. It's a challenge that many people, myself included, have had.

I've found that it's a useful psychological exercise to spend time thinking about what I enjoy - good health, working limbs, enough to eat, a clean place to live, etc. - rather than spend time focusing on what I don't have. I used to do the latter a lot.

We don't have to look very far for true stories that help us to put things into perspective. On Thursday night, I read on CNN's website about a World War II veteran, Delbert Benton, age 88, who was beaten to death by some vicious teenagers in Spokane, WA.

Mr. Benton had reportedly survived the Battle of Okinawa during the spring of 1945 after being shot. Tragically, more than 68 years later, in August 2013, he wasn't able to survive the teens' blows.

Life isn't fair, a reality that we can learn to fully and non-judgmentally accept. There is a lot of unfairness in our world - and a lot of goodness, which we each can contribute to with our choices, words, and behavior.

Two years ago, I read on a Utah govt. webpage that said 6,000 Mormons died crossing the plains in the 1800s, a number that was much higher than what I'd been led to believe. Six thousand men, women, and children perished in harsh circumstances for a religious fraud - that's supremely unfair.

My final comment has to do with imagination, which can be cultivated and enjoyed at any age. Ever heard of the author Alan Bradley? He's in his mid-70's and wrote his first novel, "The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie", in 2006. It got rave reviews, won awards, and became a bestseller.

Bradley was subsequently contracted to write five more novels centered around the same 11-year-old female protagonist, Flavia Deluce, and the series has been optioned for TV movies by director Sam Mendes. Consequently, Bradley is doing very well financially.

Due to his literary success, Alan and his wife Shirley sold their modest home (in the community where I live) and have traveled extensively since 2009. A delightful interview w/ him is online at http://www.cbc.ca/thenextchapter/episode/2013/03/25/shelaghs-extended-conversation-with-alan-bradley/

Having liberated yourself from the chronically dishonest, time-wasting, and fraudulent LD$ Church, you now have the opportunity - and the pleasure - to figure out what you want to do with your future. What do you want to experience? What are your interests? You're the captain of the ship of your life; it'll go in whichever direction you set.

Best wishes!

Thanks for the info about Alan Bradley. Great interview.

I've just put three of his books on my wish list.

Thank you for this posting. Unindoctrinated, as you can tell, you are not alone. There are many of us who are in similar situations, but at least we freed ourselves from the lies and the craziness. You will gradually find meaning in new experiences and friendships that are genuine.

Nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself. I do it on a regular basis. But I don't let it cripple me. I'm only a few years younger but when I saw how much money TSCC had gotten from me I decided to study finance. I have since built a very nice stock portfolio. The best part is not the money but the fun I've had learning about finance and the world. But the money is nice too ; ) I've also just found a free course with the local university for people who want to start a second career. It is through Extension Services and teaches people how to start a small business. I'm so excited to get into this program. But if I don't there are so many other programs and services I'm dying to look into. Free at last. Free at last. Oh, Lord, I'm free at last and really enjoying it.

Also, you should not discount the benefits of having raised your children as a stay at home mother. Having well adjusted and successfully launched children is something you have a right to brag about. A lot of their successes in life will also be yours because you gave them the security and upbringing that helped them be the best they could be. Now it's your turn.

Whenever I get too discouraged about the time I spent deluded by mormonism I just think how awful it would be to still be in the fog. Imagine, even worse, if you knew how fraudulent Mormonism is but you were married to an APOSTLE or worse, the PROPHET!! What would you do? Ruin your husbands standing by leaving? Announce the fraud to the world? Keep your mouth shut and suffer in silence? Now wouldn't that be some predicament? Or maybe it would be wonderful knowing you had the power to bring the whole thing down. I just don't know.

I'm just glad I learned what I learned and got out. It wasn't all bad so I just reflect on the good and feel happy that I'm so much wiser. You have gained a truck load of wisdom and that counts for a lot. Go forth and be proud that you found the truth. Even if I was only out of LDS, Inc. one year before I died I'd be grateful. It is still a victory. Best wishes to you.

But wait, before you finally follow your dreams, there's one last thing ...

It's now time for you to fulfill your SENIOR MISSION!

I don't know how Unindoctrinated and the rest of the poster feel, but for me, your post just put it all into perspective.

Sometimes I fly into a rage and scream, "Heil Hitler! Hitler murders Jews!" It makes me feel better. Hitler actually KILLED people and TORTURED people. He got millions to forget about their problems and raise their arms in fanatical Nazi salutes. I was fired from a job doing this once. I could have had a better degree, but because of the "sin of masturbation" I was prevented from remaining at BYU. Sometimes we just have pent up rage. Boy those Germans were SO ANGRY, SO ANGRY! You probably are not the kind of person to commit crimes, and I'm not, either, but I AM the kind of person prone to fly into rages every so often.

It seems like you are still married. Feel good about that fact. Not everybody is married. You can look on the bright side, but I know that doesn't always help.

Watching those angry Hitler speeches can be cathartic.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/24/2013 12:58PM by behindcurtain.