Just finished reading Runtu's book Heaven Up Here (excellent job!) and he finished it by mentioning that he would have dreams of having to put his life on hold to serve another mission.

I had the same, dreaming that because China opened it's doors to missionaries that Japan was drained and I had to go back and serve another term to fill in the gap.

Anyone else have dreams of having to go back?

(of course now I would call them nightmares)

My dream of going back:

I refused to teach any of the discussions to the "investigators", leaving my companion to do all of it. Later, after he went to bed, I snuck back to the family we were teaching to tell them it's all bullshit, hang out, and have a good time.

They probably better not send me back out...

I had a particularly vivid one recently. I remember thinking that I was so old compared to the people I was with and how clueless they were to how this mission system of favors and favoritism worked.

It was a nightmare for me. The pressure to "serve" when I was a young man was intense. This felt redux.

I figured I was having it because there is pressure for me to "go back" in subtle ways. It is crazy. I'm not repeating the cleaning up to go on a mission again in middle age.

I can drink because I'm of age and it is legal. I can do lots of things. I don't need a corporation to bless my life and I don't need to serve it anymore - FOREVER!

I'm new to the forum and find relief in discovering that this happens to others. Has anyone with a background in psychology ever addressed it in previous threads? It's been 25 years and I still occassionally have anxiety filled dreams about being sent back.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/28/2013 09:21AM by mexprof.

I'm going to be talking to my counselor tomorrow about my experiences, she's suspected for awhile that I might have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from my mission. I only recently considered that to be a possibility after listening to Raptor Jesus' Ex-Mormon conference presentation.

You can listen to his presentation here:
http://exmormonfoundation.org/conference2012.html
Look for:
Wade Wilson: "Post Traumatic Mission Disorder: How to Keep Your 'Two Best Years' from Ruining the Rest of Your Life"

I looked up PTSD and found that I've suffered a lot of the symptoms listed on this ( http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml ) page at one time or another. I always thought it was just depression, but after I had my depression STRONGLY triggered by reading one of my "Letters to president" and having what I think was a flashback to when I was writing that letter, I think it's very likely that I suffer from PTSD. Although I wouldn't suggest that I have suffered as much as I have seen military types with this disorder, I definitely feel like it's negatively impacted my life and that it's not a minor issue for me.

This subject comes up here now and again. Short answer: such dreams are common as dirt. PTMD. Welcome to the club!

What does Puff The Magic Dragon have to do with this?

:-)

Most of us dream that puff flies us back to the field.

My grandmother wanted to go back to Australia, & couldn't because her health went downhill. She loved it there so much, & had many good memories.

EDIT - I completely misunderstood the question. I guess I really am stupid. :/



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/28/2013 09:09AM by Tristan.

Yes. I have that nightmare all the time. I hate that feeling.

I have it frequently. I always have to leave my wife and kids to go back to my mission for a while, and while I'm there I dread every moment of it. It's more of a nightmare really.

Does the prophet marry your wife and steal your kids while you are away serving the Lard?

I no longer have the nightmares, but I hadn't thought of them for so long I had forgotten I had them. They were mostly had during the 6-12 months prior to my mission. I very vividly remember being required to serve for another 2 years as if my first two didn't count for some reason. I was terrified and very distraught at the idea. Just remembering them beings up strong emotions. I think I equate my mission too mental, physical, spiritual, emotional prison. I had some good moments during my mission, but I'm sure POW have good moments too, it's the surrounding and enveloping despair that colors the experience.

This was actually a recurring nightmare for me. The kicker is that other than this I pretty much never have nightmares. But this was the thing that managed to terrify me. Every time it happened I would feel intense guilt. After all, if I really did love God and His church, why did the thought of another mission scare me so much?
Then again, a week into the field my companion did hold a box-cutter a foot away from my face and "told me a story" about an elder who did just that while telling his companion "...and if you EVER tell the mission president..."
Yeah, PTMD indeed.
The good news is that the dreams did stop when I left two years ago. :D

which is weird since I am a nevermo. Maybe it's just a fear of being sucked back into a religious system that you have no belief in.

I had those nightmare/dreams for over a decade after my mission, they finally stopped when I realized that absolutely positively with-out-a-doubt the church is not true.....after that, the nightmares stopped, and I have not had a dream like that again. Not one.

Yep. Still get em 20 years later. I'm generally pissed off and find that I got sent back to do another 2 year tour. Lately I've been finding myself going home early, not because the church is a hoax, but because I get bored on my second mission and then tell everyone my shocker: that I might be 40 but I already did 2 years so I'm opting out.

Why can't my recurring dreams be about hot nubile 20 year olds?

Mine involve being back at the MTC and having to learn Spanish instead of Japanese, and having to be a missionary for two more years.

Still have them 25 yrs later.

But, I'm an Exmo, and I know it. I have no intention of finishing the mission, I'm just going to go through the MTC, play along with it for a bit, then gracefully leave after a couple months. Just doing it as a human-interest sort of thing.

I've never been able to figure this one out. But I've been having it ever since I left the fold 15 yrs ago.
RG

Yes, I had several powerful and recurring dreams of returning to my mission and serving again. The pull was strong for about 2 years after returning home from my mission overseas to Germany. Looking back, it wasn't that great of an experience, but it was undeniably powerful and transformative.

Btw: I ended up leaving the church about 15 years ago, so my mission experience was apparently not that powerful after all.

I returned in 2008, I had dreams of going back to Australia several times, needing to leave my wife.

I had them for a few years after coming home. Funny thing, they disappeared when I quit going to church. I think the last one I realized, "Wait, I don't even believe this nonsense. Why would I teach it?" I don't remember another one after that in-dream epiphany.

About a year ago, I had a dream that I was returning to Germany.

I remember that I was in the MTC again. It was different, it looked different, and certainly felt different. During the dream, I never did anything to say no way, not going to do it etc.

However, that was the feeling I had. It felt like something had gone terribly wrong. That feeling was the most powerful impression left from the dream.

Yes but not in a bad way. I don't dream about the difficult stuff - but more like I'm back in Spain. Serving a mission but happy to be in Spain again, visiting with the people, seeing the sites, eating the food. So I don't wake up stress, although I'm relieved to find I'm not on a mission. I wake up slightly homesick for Spain.