Okay, so maybe I'm feeling a little lonely and/or sorry for myself tonight...but I'm just wondering how many people out here in our RfM world are like me? Single, 30s-ish, recovering from Mormonism, stuck in Utah, clueless as to how to meet NORMAL people and feeling fully frustrated with life & dating (or the lack thereof).

Can I get a shout out from all you single people out there? So I know I'm not alone?


NotAMolly (...anymore)

I left Mormonism and very quickly my divorce followed. It took me a while, and many bad dates, to learn how to meet people again.

Don't worry, we single folk are out here too :)

Yes .. that describes me. Having been around a lot of older LDS singles in Utah (late 20's - early 30's) for the last several years .. I have wondered how many of my friends actually believe in the Church and how many are like me where it is just a place to meet people to socialize.

I mean .. most of my friends don't sit around talking about how great Joseph Smith and Brigham Young are .. unless they teach institute or are really into it.

The culture here is weird. The girls have it bad .. they have some expectation of meeting a "worthy" guy to date .. when the ratio is like 4 girls to 1 guy and the odds are stacked against them.

There doesn't seem to be a lot of dating within the older singles wards .. and some of the wards seem pretty scary.

I can't date an LDS girl seriously because I am not going to pretend to believe something that I don't. It just makes me wonder if I already have friends that don't believe .. and I just don't know about it.

Anyways .. I think I am going to try and date non-lds girls from now on and stop wasting my time. That and go completely inactive.

When I am around people like me, like at a university, I do much better, because people there usually don't pick on me - they appreciate nerds & introverts. I have unpredictable health problems, and a sleep disorder, so I have weird hours, and don't meet many new people, except for the married guys that hit on me, and they don't count.

There are atheist, and humanist groups, and I am sure more places you can meet people.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2011 03:04AM by atheist&happy:-).

I'm single in Alaska. I'm 24, though.

NotAMolly, is there any chance that you could go skiing or snowboarding on Sundays? There are always tons of guys up on the slopes, and you have long lift rides in which to make an acquaintance. Golf is another idea, you might be partnered up with some guys playing the course.

If you don't meet any guys to date, you at least have a wonderful time, get some exercise, and feel cheered up.

I have been divorced for 15 years, and have no intention of ever getting married again. When I was first divorced, I was given a calling in the stake singles, and then the regional singles. This was the older singles, and I was one of the youngest people in it. What a nightmare! I was hit on by ex-convicts, polygamists, crazies, recovering drug addicts (nothing wrong with that, but I had no understanding of drug addiction) men older than my father, liars and phonies, and gay men (who became my friends, and were the best of the lot). I was shocked at how immoral they were.

I also made non-Mormon friends through work, and they were much more genuine and moral. They are still my friends.

The only good thing about the LDS singles, was that I made some fun women friends. They were fun until they got married, that is. Once they're married, associating with the singles is the last thing they want to do.

Yes, definitely stay away from the Mormons, and date only non-Mormons, if you plan on getting married someday. Remember, you marry someone you are dating.

I went back to graduate school, when I was in my late 30's, and I had more date offers than I could handle! Really! This included a couple of teachers, and students in their 20's.

I've met a few nice single non-Mormon men while walking my dog, and we felt at ease, because we were in the same neighborhood, and the setting was casual.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2011 04:55AM by forestpal.

forestpal Wrote:
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> I've met a few nice single non-Mormon men while walking my dog, and we felt at ease, because we were in the same neighborhood, and the setting was casual.

A married couple I know got a cute, friendly dog. The husband was the one who usually walked it. He remarked to me that he was constantly stopped by women who wanted to pet the dog, talk about the dog, etc. He thought that dog walking would be the greatest thing for single people.

NotAMolly, if you don't have a dog, you could offer to walk one for a neighbor, start a pet-sitting business, or volunteer to walk dogs for your local pet shelter (I've heard that shelter dogs are *really* greatful to get out of their cages for a little bit.)

None that listen to Tenacious D.

http://ilike.myspacecdn.com/play#Tenacious+D:Fuck+Her+Gently:48435:s468024.8118514.2000590.0.1.69%2Cstd_6aa6f2b38e312a6cbe4ae952f9c40e34

What I want to know is this: what kind of ladies do you ex-mo guys go after? Do you still prefer the standard mormon barbie with the stick figure and fake boobs, sporting tight t-shirts and bedazzled jeans with heels?
I swear, mormon men are the worst at objectifying women and expecting perfection. Every wife a trophy wife.
Do ex-mo men carry this preference with them out of the church?

I don't like fake women or boobs.

But, who are you to tell me what I like is wrong.

Your ugly right.

After Mormonism, I have become a huge extrovert. I'm also way more comfortable with myself and with my sexuality. I don't date girls unless they are on the same level as me in all of those ways.

Fake? No way. Fake boobs, high-heels, make-up: all a turn-off. Skinny can be nice, but I typically find woman with a bit of meat to be the best.

Are you asking me a question or making a statement, 665 N' 1/2?

If they are indeed questions, I'll be more than happy to answer them.
#1 It is wrong that women need to undergo surgery, go without eating, and exercise to the point of obsession to be considered attractive. So, if that is what turns you on, then yes, I will say it is wrong.
#2 I have never had cosmetic surgery, and I enjoy a good meal, although I am not overweight and my pant size is in the single digits. Your pronouncement that I must be ugly to abhor such beauty trends among women is more a reflection on you than me.

That's not okay with you.

When I said your ugly I meant on the inside.

Concerning men only.

You seem to have this overall mindset filled with sweeping generalizations that men are empty and shallow if they have a certain sexual preference.

It was a rhetorical question and a baited one.

Not the response you wanted.

I'm not here to feed your needs.

Just to support.

If you like loose clothing and weak men I'm not your guy.

I like what I like.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2011 08:52AM by bignevermo.

That's when the last child turns 18.

I've thought long and hard about being single. Should I try to date again? I'm almost 50 but still have all my hair and am trim but again I'm scared of getting into another dependant relationship.

I wish it were such a thing as a "soulmate" but even if there were such a thing I am pretty sure mine got killed in a hanggliding accident in 1983 or something.

Best of luck on meeting "normal" people.

I've thought that way too; that when my last child turns 18 I'm out of here. But a lot can happen in 12 years. I always hold out hope that my husband will treat me as an equal.

I'm not single, but did the mormon singles scene as a mid 30's adult after a 13 year marriage. If the internet didn't come along at the same time as I became single, it would have sucked a lot worse. I'm a guy, probably would have been worse if I was female and needed a "worthy priesthood holder".

I'm starting a free(like really free, not a teaser) exmormon dating site later this week.

There are so many things that would make dating easier if you were dating a fellow exmo. All the short hand that wouldn't have to be explained in detail, such as saying that you had a "calling", saying that you went to the temple, etc. that wouldn't have to be explained to a fellow exmo.

Some people are so far out of it that they wouldn't ever even bring such things up. But for some, it's a more recent part of their life, and there just isn't much history to talk about that doesn't include LDS stuff. I know if I talked about only non-LDS topics, I'd only have two years of stuff to talk about.

Dating other exmo's has its advantages. I'll tell you all when I put the site up.

You might be right. Years ago I thought that dating an exmo would be good for me.

A couple of years ago I met an exmo girl. She was a return missionary and we both were really into travelling, and it seemed like it would turn into something awesome. It only took a week to turn into quite possibly the worst quasi-relationship I have ever been in.

We finally broke up because I could not accept the golden rule, or Jesus.

It is funny that the only exmo girl I ever met turned out to be incredibly incompatible with me.

Another single exmo atheist here. 33 and live in N.Utah and yes the dating scene does suck here.

Single here and have been for some time. I don't expect to be married again so I don't even try to find someone. Maybe my experiences with TBM ex-wife has made my gun shy of marriage. I also look at myself and can't see anything that a lady would see as good enough for even dating, let alone marriage.

In most of Florida, there are no exmos to date. The (no-mo) females are all at least a foot shorter than me (I think the Scandanavian heritage of Mos makes for tall people, whereas in FL short is hip). Though I have been learning to adapt to this challenge.

I have been single and a ex-mo for over 30 years. Living in Utah has been challenging at times but over all done OK. Have some good TBM friends and some non-mo friends. Think it what you make of it.

26 year old male in Vegas and divorce.

After an "eternal" marriage that lasted 19 years, and six kids later, I'm single.

My baggage is that I've been dealing with an ex is a complete ultra turbo narcissistic cultified mormon who on one hand is very capable and on the other hand lacks any empathy. The ex wouldn't work and just when the last was in school full time, she ended the marriage.

My oldest son is engaged to be married in May, my oldest daughter is married, my 19 yr old son is on a mission, and my youngest 3 daughters, the ex thinks she is going to take them with her across the country when she gets remarried in July to a tbm in the temple.

I'm just happy to be able to spend any time with my kids. After being married to a tbm, I'm very hesitant to have a relationship. Recovery from mormonism for me also includes, recovery from a toxic tbm narcissist wife.

I'm a classic example of following mormon expectations, marrying in the temple to an attractive, committed mormon, living the single income, pay 10%, have lots of kids, mormon plan of financial prosperity(sarcasm) and it going horribly wrong.

I'm in SW Ontario, between Detroit and Toronto.

I like long walks... on the golf course

I have a big... heart

I like sweaty, passioniate... workouts

I have a tight... waistband

I like to look deep... in the fridge

Cute cuddly pets are... something my neighbour has

And I will always open the door for... someone carrying heavy sh*t

23, single, atheist, and attending BYU. I will never get a date.

57, single, exmo, 3 grown sons, have a job, living in sin.

Just sayin'...

Ron

I'm a single woman after 3 marriages and 3 divorces. Apparently, I don't choose well. But then all of my marriages had elements of Mormonism in them and were probably doomed from the get-go. I've been divorced from the last one for 5 years, and I've been out of the church for 7 years now. My leaving the church wasn't THE cause of our divorce, but I know it contributed to the demise of a marriage that never should have happened (for many reasons). I know that if I had not been Mormon, I would have chosen different men. IMO, when the eligibility pool is limited to only Mormons, it creates a situation where you start to think certain things are "normal" even when they're not. Still ticks me off.