So I miss orientation for my son's pre-k because I am working. Ex-wife goes. She then informs me that his school has a dress code, and I have to purchase him polo shirts and khaki pants, no shorts, and that the shirts must be blue, green, and yellow. At great expense, I run out to Walmart, and purchasing a bunch of blue, green, and yellow polo shirts and khaki pants, never once realizing that no school in the world would select that exact combination of colors.

So I take him to school, and he is the only guy wearing a polo shirt in his class. I figure, well maybe they are not starting uniforms for the first couple days of school? A week passes, still no uniforms, I realize I have been had.

I now start dressing him nice, and finally confront ex-wife, who tells me she lied to me, to make sure I bought nice clothes for him. WTF, I had already bought a bunch of nice new clothes for him for school. Why can't she simply ask me to make sure he has clothes, then try to play these games?

Arrgh. That bites. Remember, you can always call the school and ask about things like that. And your ex has just proven to you (yet again?) that she can't be trusted.

You'd think I would have figured that out by now. I think we should not only make her an honorary Mormon, but we should declare her to be an honorary GA as well.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/10/2013 09:32PM by forbiddencokedrinker.

The next time she asks you for anything, look her square in the eye and say, "Remember the school clothes? Because you're a liar, I won't buy anything until I have independently verified it's necessary."

This behavior will go on as long as you let it.

tisket Wrote:
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> The next time she asks you for anything, look her
> square in the eye and say, "Remember the school
> clothes? Because you're a liar, I won't buy
> anything until I have independently verified it's
> necessary."
>
> This behavior will go on as long as you let it.


there is no reason to be nasty about it. I would suggest only dealing with her in writing so you have documentation of all her lies.

That's not nasty, that's just consequences.

pretend you are a judge. does it seem mature? not really.

Quit changing the subject.

You said there is no reason to be nasty about it, when there was a reason. If you don't call people on their bs, they keep spewing it. Fact of life.

My kids' Baptist school has a manual for all students and parents, which specifies dress - grooming codes, attendance, sports & academic requirements, everything. See if your boy's school has such and get it. That much less wool for your ex to try to pull over your eyes.

Good luck.

My husbands ex used to play those games. I realized that any communication with her was most likely off in some way or other.

We learned to be sure we had separate communication with his teachers and school. We went to every parent teacher conference. We couldn't trust her to relay the truth about anything.

It made life more difficult than it should have been. It was difficult to keep their child out of the middle because she did all she could to place him there.

He came to live with us when he was 10. He refused to go home with his mother. He'd had enough.

He's 30 now. He's graduated college and is successful in his work life. In fact, I would say he's exceptional. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be persistently present for him. That's what he needs the most.

Actually, that sounds a lot like the dress code in my neice and nephew's school (in South Carolina). They have to wear khaki pants (optional skirts for the girls) and polo shirts in a specific variety of colors.

So, don't feel bad that you fell for her lie.

I meant that green, blue, and yellow are a really odd color scheme.

They had those colors--plus red--on their list.

You folks do relaize by law, school dress codes are unenforcable both in the public and private sector.

You are incorrect. Dress codes are routinely upheld and enforced. The only issue is if the dress code's purpose is to suppress free speech. Even then that is a difficult standard to meet because there is a govt interest in students education not being disrupted.

To OP, man that is ridiculous. Our school has a parent handbook that is really helpful. Definitely get a hold of one and don't trust your ex! Sad.

Apparently people don't watch the news anymore. There are cases all over the US where courts left and right have struck down the dress codes.

Schools can and often do "advise" this is what we would perfer your child to wear, but schools, both public and private can no longer say or carry out the action: "Your child must wear this or they can't come to school or will be punished upon arrival"

In most of those cases, it was because the school specifically banned an item that communicated a specific expression of free speech.

Well you see, a child's clothes is considered a "expression of free speech" by most districts and the courts these days. Futhermore, people have made valid cases that school uniform or dress codes are discrimintory on the grounds that not every student can afford the proper atire, or flat out refuses to wear the attire.

It's for these reasons that school dress codes and uniform codes are no longer enforcable.

No. Please refer to the Tinker and O'Brien Supreme Court cases for the correct standard. A child's clothing itself is not an expression of free speech. The vast majority of school/work dress codes are legal and enforceable.

rracer Wrote:
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> You folks do relaize by law, school dress codes
> are unenforcable both in the public and private
> sector.


So how does one get away with doing just that, in Utah?

Simple, stand up for your kids rights. Contrary to popular opinion, children have rights too, even though many adults would like to think and operate like they don't.

Not mine but from my Great Aunt. If someone will lie about or steal little things they will lie about and steal big things.

I pay child support to my exhusband (he has primary physical, lives 70 miles away. I also have a dislike of Mormon judges). Now, if he were to ask me for more money for school clothes, I'd do it in a heartbeat and eat mac and cheese for two weeks.

But no. I don't know what the money goes for, but he buys them all secondhand clothes. Now, I love secondhand stores. But I buy stuff that doesn't LOOK secondhand. They look like ragmuffins, and he'll tell anyone that listens how he can't afford better stuff (cue the puppy dog eyes and me with a Snidely Whiplash mustache). He makes more than I do, and he has a nice collection of MLB jerseys, and they look raggedy and eat sandwiches for dinner

I give you credit for doing the right thing, regardless of how it came about. But yes, she's a b!tch for lying

In most states, I don't know about Utah, you can demand copies of receipts for all expenses paid with child support. Child support money, by law, is to be used for the care of the child. Not on stuff for the parent, a trip to the spa, savings investments, charities, or TITHING. Now the custodial parent is allowed to count a certain amount of the money towards housing, transportation cost to and from school, and some part of their utilities, but they can not pay for these whole amounts with it.

Demand receipts, and if none are provided, or if they don't add up, you can go to court, and get that money back. What this does, is force the ex-spouse to both keep track of these expenses, and to honestly spend the money on the child. I know many parents who set up an entirely separate account for the child support, to simplify accounting, but your ex probably isn't that smart.

If all the expenses do add up, and he still is making good for the kids, then he needs to start applying for government assistance.

To the OP, learn to double check everything your ex tells you.

The words "at great expense" and "Walmart" do not belong in the same sentence.

forbiddencokedrinker Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So I miss orientation for my son's pre-k because I
> am working. Ex-wife goes. She then informs me
> that his school has a dress code, and I have to
> purchase him polo shirts and khaki pants, no
> shorts, and that the shirts must be blue, green,
> and yellow. At great expense, I run out to
> Walmart, and purchasing a bunch of blue, green,
> and yellow polo shirts and khaki pants, never once
> realizing that no school in the world would select
> that exact combination of colors.
>
> So I take him to school, and he is the only guy
> wearing a polo shirt in his class. I figure, well
> maybe they are not starting uniforms for the first
> couple days of school? A week passes, still no
> uniforms, I realize I have been had.
>
> I now start dressing him nice, and finally
> confront ex-wife, who tells me she lied to me, to
> make sure I bought nice clothes for him. WTF, I
> had already bought a bunch of nice new clothes for
> him for school. Why can't she simply ask me to
> make sure he has clothes, then try to play these
> games?


You should look into a family law clinic in your state. its a place to get free help with family law issues. It sounds like she is a constant headache for you and your son and its going to get worse as he gets older, believe me. I remember the one where she wouldn't get the right car seat for your son. That was pretty awful.